tanrums turning violent :(

[ditavonteesed]

but a lot ,less frequent , the last one was 2 weeks ago and dd1 kicked me and hit me and nipped me and shut me in a room by turning the handle. just had one, dh asked her to move down a bit in the bath as dd2 couldnt fit, I am planning on stripping her room of everything in it, which we did 2 weeks ago and she has just about earned it all back. she is nearly 9, and please dont have a go at me as I am sat here shaking and cant do with a pasting about how it is probably my fault. I honestly dont know what to do anymore, going to speak to school in the morning and see what they think and whether this behaviour is coming over into school, last time I spoke to them they said they had started to see hints of what she is like at home.

I was like that too, no-one's fault (other than possibly mine), but put down to hormones. Sorry, but it went on about 4 years. I didn't know why I was doing it, it was awful for me too. I broke my mums nose, she locked me out of the house, i threw plates, hit my sister etc.

Hope it's not that and it gets better soon. Have you thought through possible triggers??

it is totally random things, last time was when I refused to plait her hair as she had been vile to me all evening.

I eally worry that if she is like this now what is she going to be like as a teenager. she is so lovely when she is not doing this and we have such a great time. hate this.

I would certainly consider the hormone angle.

I was a nutter when I was young, and I do remember doing such things shortly before my period started. I was older than nine, but for years being premenstrual sent me into an uncontrollable rage.

It was scary and upsetting for me, too, as I really couldn't control it.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know how things work, but is there some way your GP can refer you to someone who might be able to check out the hormone question?

I guess that would be worth looking into, I dint handle things very well today, normally I try and make her feel better when she calms down as I know how hard it is to feel that angry but today I really didnt want to talk to her for about half an hour and told her she had to leave me alone as I was upset and she had hurt me and hurt my feelings. we are all friends now though and she went to bed happy. it is just scary how things are so nice here and then one wrong word to dd1 and it is all hell for an hour or so, dh and I are exhausted.

I feel bad for all of you.

I know this might anger you, but please remember she is a child. It's not a question of fault or blame or anything like that, and I really do think it would help if you could try not to see it in those terms, although I do know it's hard not to. But don't blame yourself - don't think in those terms, even. Just try to empathise.

She is so young, and can't really understand things in the way you can.

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm lecturing, and I do understand how awful it can be; I really do think that you should, if you can, tackle this properly - maybe get CAMHS involved, and try to get it sorted in a supportive and loving way.

I used to say awful things to my mother, and then feel absolutely horrendous - a feeling that was too big for me to deal with, and it would send me into a spin. I just needed help managing my feelings, and learning how to cope with them.

The sooner the better, for all of you.

Is she getting to the point where she needs a bit more privacy and personal space.
Would she like the bath to herself now? ( even if DD2 uses the water first)
At 9 I wouldn't have wanted my Dad in the bathroom or to share a bath.
Can you ask her what upset her so much once you are both calm.
It could well be partly hormones .

How is she getting on at school? With schoolwork? And friendships?

I'm sure you have looked into this. But if she is struggling with reading for example - she'll be more aware of it the older she gets.

I'm only saying this because two children I know had massive outbursts at home were feeling pretty shit about themselves for other reasons.

I have tried seperating them at bath time but she wants to bath with her sisiter, no wave, i really do have sympathy and i am usually so cuddly and lovey after one of her meltdowns as I know how hard it must be. we are very close and I try so hard to make things not upset her, I also give her so many chances once she has started to excape to getsome space but once she has started she is like a bomb and nothing is going to stop her until it has run its course. I always ask her what she was so upset about and she doesnt know. it is my fault as I was telling my friend how much better she has been earlier.

I have bruises on me where she was hitting me and she was trying to hit me in the face, I need someway tto let her know that no matter how angry she is that is not acceptable. I honeslty thought we were as bad as we could get with her tantrums and she has proved me wrong.

daytoday, sorry x posts, she is getting on better at school than she has for a long time, she has a really understanding teacher who has set up help for her problem areas, they think she has dyslexia and dyspraxia, said there was no need to formally test as they can offer all the hek anyway and she is responding very well to it.