Incredibly clingy and grumpy 17 month old - is this normal?!

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My 17mo ds has suddenly, in the last 2 weeks, gone from being a smiley, sociable little chappy who will go to (almost) anyone to clinging to me non-stop and screaming when I leave the room for 2 seconds. It's incredibly wearing for me, and a bit sad for his dad... He's far clingier than he ever was at the age when separation anxiety usually kicks in.

He's also having tantrums about everything - when he we put him in his highchair, when we don't put him in his highchair, when we change his nappy, when we don't change his nappy.... He screamed for 10 minutes just now because I refused to pick up his book for him.

I think he's exhausted as he's waking up really in the morning early calling for me, and he just feel asleep in my arms for the first time since he was tiny. He has recently (except today it seems) started to refuse his morning nap. Plus there's always the spectre of teeth lurking behind it all.

We're planning a move in the summer and dc2 is arriving in the autumn, but this hasn't made any difference to his daily life up to now.

So my questions are - has anyone else experienced this at this age? Do you give in to the silly tantrums about trivial things or stand firm? And how long does it last? I know it's a phase like everything else but I'm praying someone isn't going to tell me it lasts until they're 3....

Just to let you know you're not alone, DS is 15 months and has been über clingy and tantrummy for the last couple of months. To be fair to him, we've moved house which has unsettled him and top back teeth have come through, but it is wearing and there have been days when I've been upset and wondered where my smiley little chap has gone!
We have tantrums over nappy changes, not getting food quick enough, not being able to turn the light switch on - I could go on. Tantrums consist of screaming, sometimes hitting and biting (really want to nip that in the bud pronto) and throwing toys in a strop. I wasn't expecting all this now, was convinced that's what the terrible twos were for! He's still very loving, but definitely not a baby anymore oh, and DC2 due imminently- excellent!

In answer to your question about giving into tantrums, we try and ignore mostly, but hitting and biting get a very firm 'no, we don't bite", and then if he tries to carry on I hold his arm away/him away/ move him away from me whilst ignoring him and carrying on doing what I'm doing, which seems to work. If we carry on saying "no" he carries on doing what he's doing and seems to enjoy the reaction- being ignored isn't so fun. If he throws a toy he gets a warning that it's not a nice thing to do, and if he does it again we just remove the toy.

We try and pick battles too and try and remember that despite the very toddler behaviour, he's still just little!

Thanks for replying, it's really getting me down. He hit me round the face with a book this morning and made me cry - I know he didn't mean to hurt me but it was the last straw. I never thought I'd say this but it was so easy when he was tiny!

Good luck with the new arrival, I'm already wondering how we'll manage with two!

16mo is also being quite difficult. I dread nappy changes as the tantrums are unbelievable.

We mainly ignore or distract with tantrums apart from things like biting or hitting when we say firmly 'no we don't bite!' and move her away.

Not sure how effective any of this is, at the moment if you say no to her she often laughs and tries to do it again

Hurrah!! I am not alone! Thank the lord!

My sweet boy has been like this since 15 months. He's now 17 mo and apparently showing no signs of abating. He laughs and does it again if I say no and it freaks me out a bit when he does.

Bless him tho, I think he's mightily at sea: so much new stuff to deal with. It wears me down terribly but I sort of get it in my rare moments of clarity. He's so stressed about everything right now that he's developed eczema everywhere- even on his cheeks-and sleep problems. He looks like a minuscule teenager with acne and a cross-patch little face. I love him so much but veer between overwhelming affection and deep despair and impatience. Hope it doesn't continue for too much longer at this most intense of levels...

According to this book there is a developmental spurt which kicks in around 16mo. During these, toddlers are liable to clingyness, bad moods, low concentration and disturbed sleep (among a host of other possible behaviours). So, it'll probably all pass, especially if you respond with patience and sympathy.

So glad I saw this thread, I have been wondering if it's only me. 17m dd has been throwing huge tantrums over all kinds of things including nappy changes, banana in skin/out of skin, bib on, socks on/off etc. Tantrums involve wailing, throwing food/toys, lying on the floor kicking legs, back arching and sometimes hitting. I am rather terrified of the terrible twos- can it really get worse?

Mostly I am bewildered at the why of it all but do think as she babbles constantly and has quite a lot of words that maybe she is frustrated at not being able to explain what she wants/doesn't want. Just hope it's a phase that doesn't go on for too long, my red wine consumption has increased dramatically since the tantrums began!

DS is same age and i think it's totally normal and a combination of factors! You've hit the nail on the head re. dropping his morning nap. Apparently there's a transitional phase during which they can be extremely tired and grumpy. Try putting him down for his afternoon nap much earlier and moving his bedtime earlier for a few weeks until he gets used to it. Their behaviour is always worse when teething, ill or tired (as i've found out to my cost over the past 2 weeks!) DS has also begun biting and hitting, which is a real challenge. At that age they get incredibly frustrated by everything because they can't make themselves understood properly and you can't reason with them. So, for example, DS said "Nana?" (banana) the other day and pointed, having only just had a huge lunch and a banana for dessert.I said "No DS, you've just eaten and you've already had a nana." Cue massive tantrum, big tears, bottom lip extended etc.

You will probably find it will pass shortly, you'll have a respite of a few weeks, then he'll hit another phase which will also pass. And then another. Try to remember that you will get a respite soon, and enjoy the time in between when he's back to his normal happy, smiley self again!

Ah yes, the protruding bottom lip. I sometimes try to pop it back in with my finger but it doesn't seem to help!

Better day today as he woke up later (praise the Lord) and is a bit less cranky. I think a lot of it is down to language frustration, as others have said. I guess we just have to ride it out, like everything else, until the terrible twos start in earnest....

Welcome to Toddler time! Toddler time is full of frustration at not being able to do things properly or things not working properly (block tower falling over, not being able to put own socks on etc) and also the frustration of poor communication (the parent is not correctly guessing from hand movements and sounds what the toddller wants, and toddler doesn't understand how you can not just KNOW what they want!). Don't discount teething and illness though. I'd say if this behaviour has been a gradual shift towards tantrums with them becoming more frequent and over a greater number of increasingly minor things, then it's just toddler time, but if it's been a sudden change, especially if clingyness is involved it may also be illness, teething and/or tiredness. Toddlers are extremely active and learning new things all the time, and at the same time are having shorter naps or are less likely to settle for naps easily, so tiredness if definitely a factor.