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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

how sacred is your bedtime routine?

21 replies

moondolphin · 08/05/2012 00:14

we've been pretty consistent with our bedtime routine so far (DS is 4 months). I'd really like to take him out with us sometimes in the evenings but don't want to undo what we've got (it took a long time to stabilise bedtime and it's not exactly perfect yet).

anyone manage to vary their bedtime routine and still go back to it easily, say after a holiday? and would you take the baby out in the evening (sleeping in pram or basket) if you don't have a babysitter?

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headfairy · 08/05/2012 00:19

I didn't for years for the same fears you have. Both mine have switched back to their normal routine by quickly after holidays. And being able to go out of an evening with the baby asleep in a pushchair is one of the perks of having such a young baby surely? Believe me once they're older than about 6 months you can't do that any more (they're too stimulated to sleep) and you definitely can't once you have more than one! We took ds out in his pushchair in the evenings all the time. He's always been brilliant with a his night time routine.

Ozziegirly · 08/05/2012 06:24

Agree with headfairy - make the most of it while you can! My DS is now 20 months and needs a routine - he has to have a bath as he is filthy every day after food/park/crayons etc and there is no way he would sleep in a pram now, so go for it.

Octaviapink · 08/05/2012 08:55

Yep, get away from the routine while you still can!

headfairy · 08/05/2012 10:05

Of course with subsequent children it all goes out the window anyway. I don't think dd has ever had a nap in her cot, and whilst we have the basics of a bedtime routine for her, she's had to fit in much more round us, whereas we bent over backwards to accommodate ds's routine!

Original poster

moondolphin · 08/05/2012 13:57

thanks ladies. think I'll go for it then : )

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SeventhEverything · 08/05/2012 13:59

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Original poster

moondolphin · 08/05/2012 15:25

Awesome Seventh. Wish we'd done that from the start (DS was so difficult to settle until recently, we may as well have been out on the town with him instead of tearing our hair out by his cot). Will start experiment from Friday. Hope I'm not back on here after the weekend asking for advice on salvaging a broken routine!

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duchesse · 08/05/2012 15:41

Never been. They still seem to develop their "own" bedtime (3/4 of them anyway) which as long as they are not sleeping through the day is a pretty sensible one. DD3's usual bedtime is 8:30-9 pm (she's 2). Very occasionally she's gone to sleep earlier than that but then usually wakes up before midnight. Her bedtime has been pretty consistent since she was about 4-5 mo, but she doesn't mind staying up later. If she's tired she just goes to sleep anywhere.

DS on the other hand was something else. If anyone has one of those I can only feel for them and assure them that eventually it passes.

PipPipPip · 09/05/2012 23:17

We were total hippies with no routine until our daughter was seven months old. She came to pubs, festivals, restaurants, remote Fiji, France etc etc with us but I felt like I was constantly breastfeeding in order to keep her mellow. Around eight months (and during a period of being at home) I thought 'enough is enough' and got her into a really structured routine that has been wonderful - it felt amazing to have a guaranteed bedtime and a free night ahead of me.

Of course, now I'm like you and a little nervous of taking our daughter (now 13 months) out spontaneously. When we do, I tend to replicate elements of the routine. For example, we stayed at a friends' house overnight recently, and I still bathed my daughter and dressed her quietly in the spare room.

Or if we're going out for dinner locally, we try to go early (before bedtime) or after bath time and hope she sleeps in the pram - which never happens any more.

I guess my advice is - take the opportunity while your baby is still quite small and portable. If you get out of routine, at least you know the 'steps' required to get back on track.

Octaviapink · 10/05/2012 07:02

A rough routine is good when they get a bit older - I'm all for flexibility while a baby is flexible but when they're toddlers they benefit from more structure. We have friends whose 2.5 yo has had no routine ever (because her mother can't be bothered) and has no bedtime (sometimes she's up till 10), no fixed naps, no fixed mealtimes and she's frankly not that much of a pleasure to have around. Which is a shame because with a bit of structure to her life she'd be a lovely little girl and they'd all have an easier time. So go with the flow while you can, because it does need to change later on!

forevergreek · 10/05/2012 07:08

You can always do rough routine when out still. So try and find somewhere to sit and feed then settle in pram around the same time as usual.

As they get older if you want to pop out locally for example you could always do routine at home then poP in buggy and head out then

SeventhEverything · 10/05/2012 13:30

This reply has been deleted

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cory · 11/05/2012 15:41

Mine were always portable. They had to be as most of our family live abroad and the rest halfway across the country, so they had to learn to fit in with the routines of staying in other people's houses, with other people's little ones, if we wanted any family at all.

Loose structure worked for us. And just the recognition that holidays are not the same as everyday, a party is not the same as any old boring Wednesday.

ThisIsMummyPig · 11/05/2012 23:03

We have always stuck to routine, and if we go on holiday we try and get them back into routine over a few days. Having said that though, when they were little they went to bed later (DD2 didn't go until about 10pm).

My children both put themselves to sleep and went straight through by the time they were about 1 (both breastfed)

candr · 13/05/2012 20:17

OP I was wondering this too as have in the last couple of months got DS (8m) into routine though it still needs work but want to go to a party in the park for the jubalee. Was thinking of putting him in pram in sleeping bag and hope to transfer him to cot in time for dream feed. If we were on holiday prob wouldn't think twice about it but am worried he just won't sleep at home?

SeventhEverything · 13/05/2012 21:46

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

moondolphin · 15/05/2012 15:04

Thanks all. We went out on the weekend and DS ended up staying up a bit later - and the world didn't end! Off on hols this Friday and think we'll preserve sleep times and bedtime ritual but put baby in pram instead then sneak him out (hopefully without him realising), then back into cot after the 11pm/midnight feed. Wish me luck : )

Next problem: how to sterilise bottles in the forest!

OP posts:

Beanbagz · 15/05/2012 16:16

We had no routine with our children until the eldest started school (youngest was then 9 months old). Then we had to have a set bedtime so that she'd be up for school. I enjoyed the fact that we could take them anywhere we wanted and they grew up with family mealtimes.

Now they're 10 and 7 and we're still pretty flexible. Weekend bedtimes are quite late as we're often watching a movie (at home) or out visiting friends. DH and i are both self employed so if we have to work weekends, they come along too.

When we're on holiday we all enjoy going out for dinner together and when they were younger they'd fall asleep in the pushchair (or even in their seats) but they've never been any trouble in a restaurant.

They never have problems falling asleep in strange beds unlike a friend of ours who's son could only sleep properly in his own bed until he was nearly 6!

messalina · 15/05/2012 22:41

We took DD out a fair bit in her pram when she was a baby but I always got her to sleep first. Now she is 3.8 and she has a fairly set routine during the week or she gets tired, but at the week-end we are more relaxed. She always slips back into her weekly times pretty easily. During the week she goes to sleep at about 8pm after stories and at the week-end sometimes she isn't asleep till 10pm (but usually more like 9pm) which has its advantages as we take her out to dinner with us. She is great company!

Janoschi · 17/05/2012 00:50

Similar to seventh - no routine at all from day 1. DD has had a really mixed bag of things - festivals, camping, moved house, long train trips, 8 hour flights, 5 hour time differences... She often sleeps at work when we work nights... Has camped on friends floors... She's 12 months and is so unfazed it's great.

We got a lot of pressure from folk early on to stick to a routine but we just couldn't see a way of enforcing something that was unrealistic for us. We work freelance so we travel a lit, work silly hours, have weird meal times (4pm lunch one day, 1pm the next) etc. Couldn't see the point of DD being the only one of us in a routine. So we wing it and we're all happy.

cory · 18/05/2012 09:31

I don't think the occasional departure from routine does any harm at all; in fact, I think it is a positive benefit for a child (unless with SN) to have to fit in with other people's convenience from time to time. And it is a great advantage to have a child that you can take with you for a meal out or a trip across country without feeling guilty or upset.

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