My 19 week old screams when MIL picks her up

[Emi1979]

Hi fellow mummys

This is my first post.. The first if many I am sure!

My daughter has been making strange but seems to be getting better. She begun making strange with everyone, I found that by letting her get to know people on her terms and not letting people fuss over her, she was able to let people hold her. However, the situation with my MIL is by far the trickiest. She smiles and coos at her when she is in my arms- she even looks excited to see her. As soon as my MIL picks her up she screams blue murder... It's awful. Things are already touchy with her- she is over bearing and difficult so I have to keep my distance but my daughter still sees her every week or every other week. Everytime my daughter cries I get a dig that she doesn't see her enough- but today I had to explain that my daughter met friends for the first time yesterday and did not cry once.

So to sum up:

• why does she smile then scream when she holds her?
• could it be her blonde hair (mine being dark), voice ?
• could my daughter be more comfortable with people who resemble me?

I would love some advise and some shared experiences... I feel a great deal of pressure and think people expect a lot from my daughter... It upsets me!

Xxx

Perhaps she feels safe to make friends when she's on your lap and threatened when she is grabbed. Can you persuade mil to slow down? Talk to her longer on your lap and then perhaps in a bouncy chair or similar and then maybe YOU put her on mil's lap when she is happy.
Don't let her guilt you into thinking it's because she doesn't see her often enough. It's probably because mil is too loud or fusses too much or too grabby.

My dd was exactly the same! Shes now 10mo and much better with mil. I found that it was because she was a bit overbearing and tried to stimulate dd too much (seriously how many times can u say boo to a baby?!) I hated going round there on weekend and hated it when she came to visit cos I knew that dd would just end up vein grumpy and I didn't have the guys to tell her to calm down. I did read somewhere that babies are happy to go to other people then cry when they are actually with them because it's like there own little test I see if they will be given back to you?

Tbh I jut found that she got better with age

My dd2 is almost 2 and she is only just ok with her grandparents. She's not great with strangers but varies in comfort with different people.

She is better with those that let her come to them. Anyone who trys to pick her up and go towards her she will scream at. DD1 hated men, but because I was pushed to accept 'she will just have to get used to them' from mil I feel her fear lasted a lot longer than if I'd have told them to leave her alone and let her come on her terms.

Thankfully second time around I'm much more forceful :)

Interesting point about our little ones testing us... Especially as my DD is fine with her when I'm holding her but totally freaks out when I pass her over!! She was fine yesterday with complete strangers... Someone mentioned that it could be a smell? Hard to handle though, especially as I have to often try and bite my tongue every time she speaks to me so spending more time together will be difficult!x

Not much advice, but obviously a good judge of character! If you think it could be MIL smell and buying her deoderant hasn't helped then maybe you could ask her to leave a piece of clothing for dd to get used to the smell. She might be better if she doesn't see you when MIL picks up, e.g. From bouncy chair; so MIL is only option, but I would see it as an excuse to see less of her, not more!!

Lol!! Good idea about the piece of clothing! Xxx