Does a 1 year old NEED to socialise?

[Vassia]

I work full time and my DH looks after our (almost) 1 year old DS as he works shifts. When he is working dayshift, our DS goes to a childminder who has a 6 month old and a 2 year old. But this only amounts to about 7 days a month. Now, I might be completely insane, but my biggest worry is that he has no "friends" or finds it hard to socialise with other kids.

I took him to tumble tots at the weekend to help him interact with others, but he was the youngest there, all the other kids are running around. He seemed to enjoy their company but obviously with him being so much younger, they weren't really interested and he was getting bumped about a bit. (That doesn't bother me, he's rather sturdy)

My issue is this - does he really notice? Is he old enough to be really aware of other kids? I don't really know what my point is, I'm just generally concerned that I'm not doing enough to help him interact with other babies. Is it really important at this age? Am I doing it all wrong?! Is this the guilt of a working parent talking?!

You don't get that kind of interaction at toddler groups.

It's more like lurching zombies staggering around while older children all try to get on the best tricycle.

The dynamic with different ages of children in a small group is not the same as 20-30 1&2 year olds in a big hall.

I use a childminder while I work for the very relationships you describe.

But you won't get that from bringing a baby to a toddler group.

I love toddler groups, but IME babies and younger toddlers don't get much out of them. Unless the parent does, there's really no point.

When they're a bit older I think it's worth making the effort.

At 20 mo DD only now plays with her friends, passing them stuff, offering cuddles, dancing together and walloping each other when they want the best toys

Before now it was parellel play, mostly ignoring but obviously quietly observing one another.

At 12 months she was barely aware of other babies in the room -until I cuddled them, that is!

I second dad & tots groups at SureStart, DH has enjoyed these. It is fair to say that the groups I've taken DD to are 95% mums/ nans.

"what babies need at one year.

The same carer if they are not being looked after by parents.
Physical contact and cuddles.
A range of toys such as push and pulls, stacking beakers and balls.
Opportunities to play simple games with an adult, including peek a boo.
A diet rich in nutrients including milk feeds
Opportunities to feed themselves
Good, safe physical care, including nappy changing, bathing and skin care.
A safe environment so that they cannot fall, swallow small objects.
Good adult supervision as they play"

Tassoni, P., Bulman K & Beith K. (2008) Children's care learning and development: Heinmannn~essex

so no, they do not need to socialise at age 1

Are you sure? Are you sure they don't need a good gossip with their chums?

CecilyP - that has really tickled me for some reason, can't stop giggling at the thought of what they might say!

They do need to see other children - it's really important that they do.

I didn't take my DS to any groups until he turned 2 when it was very clear that was the next stage of development to concentrate on. He's a very sociable little boy at 2.5. When they're still babies, the most important thing to think about and work on is the attachment between you and ensuring baby feels safe enough to want to go and explore new situations and make friends later on.

DS1 went to loads of baby groups, met up with other mums and babies at each other's home but DS2 has not been exposed to the same level of interaction and he's nearly 2yo now (due to other commitments with eldest at nursery DS2 hasn't really had the same opportunities). As long as your LO is getting interaction with a loving parent/guardian/nanny etc, everyday, it doesn't really matter, IMO.

Agree very much with others, that at that age, babies do parallel play. No real need for baby groups IMO. That stuff is over rated!

well put msrantsalot

Bonsoir, why is it really important?

The brightest, most well adjusted teenager I know only socialised with adults until the age of 2.4.

3 year old's need to socialise with other children, yes, but not a 1 year old.

Because they learn from them - peer pressure is a powerful force for advancement, especially when little ones spend a lot of time with other children who are just a little bit older and more advanced.

At the age of 2.5, onwards, I agree with you, but not at 1.

At the age of one, LOs need, above all love and warmth and humour from a primary career.

No, DD benefited hugely from her big brothers from the outset.

Bonsoir that's utter bull, sorry. A one year old just needs plenty love and attention from the primary carer, not 'socialising' with other one year olds. If it makes mums more happy to do that for themselves, fair enough. But it's of no direct benefit to the one year old...

At the age of 3 years, most children really do need to be socialising with others of the same age group. At one though, it's not really necessary.

OP, you seem to be doing a great job so far! MN really can be helpful in some ways, but some posters seem to pollute it with utter tripe...

Dd made friends., or rather I made friends with their mums when she was 10 months. They didn't play together then but 2 years on the 6 of them and a few more we picked up a long the way are firm friends. Those friendships are important to dd and those kids are like family to her. Dd is pretty confident now and makes new friends easily I think it's because she's been with other kids regularly for so long.

I don't understand how lovechoc can say this is utter bull when what Bonsoir describes is exactly what my son is getting from spending regular time with a small group of toddlers. I can actually see him benefit from spending time with 4 other toddlers every single day as he learns to build relationships. How can you rubbish that, it's beyond me. Someone quotes one opinion and it's supposed to be gospel. You can find twenty contradicting theories if you look hard enough. We're only sharing our experience here and I'm standing on my ground, my 1 year old is hugely benefittting from spending 4 days a week with the same 4 kids and he considers them as friends, that's absolutely clear from the way he follows them around when he meets them in different circles like a birthday party and how he enjoys their company and how they look out for each other.

DS2 has hardly been around others his age and he's a very sociable child. Both have turned out similar, but exposed to different environments. There's no proof that socialising at a year old will make them 'better' at mixing with others. It's only of benefit to the mother going to these mother and baby groups, not the child.

I'm not sure about peer pressure/learning from others helping them to walk etc....humans do walk! It's as natural as breathing
I think it's nice for them to see other babies, if possible, but not sure we should be looking at it in terms of them learning skills. Love and security are what they need, from a primary carer. As some others have said, this security is the basis for forming relationships with others, when they are a bit older.

Olivetti thank goodness there's someone on here who is talking sense!!! :)

I agree with the last two posters. I think babies need to be around other people, of any age. It's not necessary for any of those people to be another baby. Grandma and grandpa interacting with you all day, using lots of words different tones of voice and facial expressions will be more beneficial than a nearly one year old. than a 15 month old hammering you over the head with a Brio train, and parallel playing along side you. IMO.

From the age of 2.5 upwards, I think children benefit from spending some time with other children their age.

My little DD is in a nanny share, the little boy walked at 10 months, DD has only really just got walking at almost 18 months. She must be immune to peer pressure

lol @ Olivetti Some of the attitudes on MN really do make me wonder what planet other people are on.

I took DS1 to all the groups going in the area, met up with other mums who had had their first babies at the same time as myself, went round to each other's houses. DS1 saw loads of babies back then, then went on to nursery(preschool) and he's turned out brilliantly. DS2 has not been to any groups at all, but been around me most of the time and family and friends (occasionally with their own DC). DS2 has turned out very similar to DS1, very bright, happy child, says hello to anyone he passes and chat his toddler-speak to anyone.

There's no harm in going to groups of this nature, but what I meant from my earlier posts was that they don't need to go to these groups at the age of 1, in order to help with social skills, or learning to walk, talk, etc. These skills all come later, and can be encouraged at preschool where they come on leaps and bounds. Being around family and friends is enough at the age of one. Think about years ago before all these groups were the rage, how on earth did people cope in life without going to them as babies???? I wonder...Many previous generations seem to have turned out better than the latter generations...

I also genuinely don't understand what this means: Bonsoir "peer pressure is a powerful force for advancement, especially when little ones spend a lot of time with other children who are just a little bit older and more advanced"

What do you mean by advancement, hitting milestones earlier?