how to encourage siblings (4 and 2) to play together...

[newbrunette]

...rather than completely ignoring each other and barking at me about their own games. Both at the same time. Eg, ds (4.5) will shout: "The ship is sinking, you be the other pirate" while dd (2.3) is saying: "I'm going to the shoe shop - you be the shoe shop lady". It drives me mad. Does anyone else experience this at all? I keep trying to encourage ds to listen to his sister and involve her in his games but, well, he just doesn't really. If I leave them in the room together, ds usually follows me out after a couple of minutes to update me on his game. Aghhh. Any advice?

Today I felt like I needed 6 arms but then with 2 legs I'd be a spider and that just won't do.

Mine just seemed to manage it but think it probably helped that often I'd be doing housework/making dinner etc (or said no!) so wouldn't be available for a while & they played with each other whilst waiting for me!

Should add, I only have boys so don't know if them being the same sex makes it easier ( although they do like different things).

I don't think it's really the gender thing that's the problem (I realise the examples I chose were very gender-stereotyped - not sure where she's got the shoe-shopping obsession from - but it's not always like that). It's more that they both focus on me as the 'playmate' and ignore each other (well, he ignores her more than she ignores him actually). It's the talking over the top of each other thing that really gets to me. And when I say to ds: "I can't listen to both of you at once", he says (just to irritate me further): "But you've got two ears".

Ha ha, he sounds like a clever little thing

What happens when you're busy/not available to play? Maybe it's an age thing too as my boys are 5 & 3, although they have been playing together for a while (I'm sure they were playing together last year too, but it's hard to remember!!)

How do you encourage them to play together? Games like Elefun or even catch are good as you can all play together (as generally would suit both those ages& my boys enjoy those kind of games) & often if I leave the game, they carry on without me.

It will come eventually, I'm sure.

At these ages, play means totally different things.

Your 2 yo is at the stage of parallel play, where they are just about tolerant of those playing with the same toys alongside them.

Your 4 yo is starting to "team play", where roles are assigned and children actually start playing with each other.

Your 2 yo is developing their knowledge of stuff.
Your 4 yo is developing their social skills.

ilove you are right - mine learned to do stuff together and still do now at 9 and 7 by me telling them I couldn't join in because I was busy. When they were much younger I'd try to start them off with an active game they both liked e.g. a camp under the kitchen table where they could home make with cushions, go out to expore the jungle and have picnic lunch/snacks in the tent etc etc. That way they both got to do the bits they liked while playing a shared game.
There's no doubt they get more self reliant as they get older though!

I'd say your youngest is maybe too little to actively play with someone else yet. My dcs are 4.5 and almost 3 (in June) and have recently started playing together really nicely (sometimes...). My dd started school too and they seem to get on better since then too (well first term was a bit shaky as both competing for my attention) maybe because they don't see each other as often as they used to so enjoy each others company more.
Another thing that worked well is the ipad which we are lucky to have and they both LOVE playing on it. There are some games (toca boca ones) that work best with more than one player so they play them quite well together.
Don't get me wrong they can also fight like cat and dog (or brother and sister!) too!

Yes, wait a year and hopefully they'll be as thick as thieves . This is roughly what happened with my kids.

Thanks all. Reassuring and hellpful, and also a good nudge for me to leave them on their own a bit more. I think I feel a bit protective of the little one and feel I have to be there for her all the time in case her big brother isn't nice to her. Sounds quite pathetic when I write it down... I will try to step back and leave them to it (with encouragement, of course). Thanks so much for your replies.

I second the ignoring thing. My boys are 4.5 and 20 months, and I find that if I'm in the room with both of them, they play up and deliberately annoy each other because they're competing for my attention. If I ignore them, by actively doing something else like cooking or housework, they whinge for five minutes but then start playing quite nicely, either together or at least in parallel. Benign neglect - works wonders! Incidentally, I really overdid the 'protecting the baby' bit for a long time, until I realised quite recently that, more often than not, it's the four year old who needs protecting from the toddler .