hitting other children in face...

[Carlyandskyla]

My DD - 17th months old - recently started to hit me in the face (with flat of hand - like a hard pat). I managed this by reading other mums net threads, watching Tanya Byron, and applying these skills i.e. ignoring and putting them down and walking away - saying NO and then ignoring until she wants to 'play nicely'.

I went to a friends and her DS had a dummy in his mouth and my DD kept pinching/hitting/scratching his face (never actually getting the dummy - was she trying to hurt or was she attracted to the dummy itself?). The skills which worked when she hit me couldn't be used with effect becuase she was hurting someone else. I picked her up and said 'no hitting to Max', but she went straight back and did it again. So then I picked her up and said I wont put you down if you are going to hit Max... but she just did it again and again. Due to not being able to ignore it - and saying a firm no - has anyone got suggestions of how else to cope?
many thanks. First time mum.

bit early but there is an excellent book called 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' they reinforce good behaviour by telling the child what they can do rather than what they can't. so you might say 'you want the dummy, you really want the dummy, max's dummy, its max's dummy, you can stroke/hug/tickle etc. max, he likes hugs, like this (then you can demonstrate). if she is beginning to talk or can understand you, you could also say ' we show anger with words not fists' in a firm but positve voice.

also you could show her what she can do with her hands when she goes to your or anothers face for example clapping with your hand or show her to clap and sing a song. sometimes when a child hears 'no hitting max' they hear 'hitting max' so it becomes sort of prophetic

That is a good thought... she does understand me, so it definately would have been an idea to had said 'do you want the dummy' - and seen if thats whats she was trying to get rather than assuming she wanted to hurt poor max.

I have read that (excellent) book, I think I need to go back to it though as I was trying to think what they would have done in that situation and nothing came to mind.

Many thanks.