no experience of what us "normal"

[Lala1980]

My dp has 4 kids that live with us every other weekend. I appreciate this means their mother doesn't have lots of time for them. This is not a step parenting query. The youngest is a boy who will be 4 in June so starts school next year. my concern is he is still not properly potty trained and still poos his pants. His speech (in my opinion) is very backward and hard to understand particularly Ls. As I have zilch parenting experience my only frame of reference is my very eloquent just 3 year old niece. Is my dss abnormal? His mother won't discuss this sort of thing with us nor does she pass on feedback from nursery/schools so I don't know if they've voiced any concerns. How can I help 2 days out of 14? Anything we achieve on our weekends seems to have been forgotten next time the kids come...

when you say his speech is hard to understand, are there specifics that you can mention? letters that he misses, words, phrases that he says etc? I think L's are very hard to say early on altho I am not a speech therapist! If your partner is their father then he should be able to call in to the nursery/school himself and have a chat with them, ask how his DS is doing I would imagine. He probably should be having contact with their schools anyway? With the potty training, is it occassional accidents or very regular, is he still in any kind of nappies, I know that some kids can still be semi-trained/having accidents at 4, my HV said the other day that they recommend potty training between 3 and 4 these days, which I was surprised at (I have a 2.6 yo and am going to be doing potty training shortly, but it really depends on the child, theres a massive variation in this as in other things). I think its commendable that you are concerned for these kiddies as they are not your own, obviously you need to get a rounded view of their lives though, so your DP having a chat at nursery would be a good idea. best wishes :)

So because she has four children you assume she has no time for them but you only have them 2 days every other week! Think you would find its your DP who has little time for these kids.
Not being potty trained at four isn't that unusual. He may have a speech issue but your DP needs to talk to the mother, but to be honest you sound judgey and I wouldn't tell you squat!

PS my DS was finding quite alot of letters hard to pronounce, at Xmas he was bought the leapfrog 'fridge phonics' game (its a fridge magnet game, they put the letters in and the clear voice says the alphabet in a phonics training style,for example 'H says aitch and huh' and a song, this has really helped his pronouciation as he started copying it as a game straight away. ~Its about £20 on amazon, you could buy one as a toy for your house, see if it helps?

Oh if he still has PR he is allowed to ring nursery and ask himself

Thankyou. My dp doesn't think he is entitled to contact with the schools/nursery so I'm glad you've suggested he might be. the speech is generally unclear and poorly pronounced. I am Yaya not Lala and playschool is pyayschool. He also finds Rs hard. I will listen harder for specifics. I don't think it helps that his 3 older siblings speak for him alot!
He wees fine on the toilet but dp still puts him in nappies as he is unreliable telling us he needs a poo...
Will get in touch with nursery.
Thank you x

The pronciation that you mention is perfectly normal for his age, Ls and Rs are difficult to 'get' and if he's doing whole words such as playschool with only a little slurring then hes doing fine. I would get your DP to be more proactive, get in touch with nursery and even a chat with his ex-partner, he should just say that he needs to know how they're getting on when he doesnt see them! best of luck :)

If your DP is putting him in nappies when his mum isn't then that will be really confusing for him. Your DP and the mum need to have an agreed approach to this.

The speech sounds pretty normal. My DN can't say his "r" (wabbit) but my sis was told no speech therapy until five as it might sort itself.

Thank you BrightonBleach. Maybe I just needed reassurance!
liasd123 - Please don't be rude - I am trying to adjust to a difficult and alien situation and seeking advice from experienced parents. I am not assuming that their mother doesn't have time for them because she has 4 children - the children report on a regular basis that she leaves them to her own devices while she is in bed with her boyfriend and various other things. I appreciate there are two sides to every story, but the children are pretty truthful. My DP had been given incorrect advice that he wasn't entitled to contact from the schools. Now we know this isn't true, we will get in touch ourselves.

can I just say my DS toilet trained when he was three, and it was mostly straightforward but it wasn't until he was nearly 5 that he could reliably tell us if he just wanted a wee or a poo. Almost every time he wanted the toilet he said he needed a poo, because I think it just took him a long time to figure out exactly which sensation he was feeling.
It can be tedious, but unless he is consistently poo-ing in his nappies because he has no control over his bowel, I think you need to ditch the nappies and just take him to the toilet every time he requests it so he can start to learn the difference between what it is he feels the need to to.