Staying calm when children whine...

[Scummymummy]

Anyone got any sure-fire techniques? I surprised myself and my sons immensely tonight by breaking my under-the-breath mantra of "I am calm, I am calm" with an aggressively shouted "I am not bloody calm! Will you stop whining or shut up!" Was disappointed in myself but Lordy their whining grated on my nerves...
I've tried asking them to speak in their normal voices, removing myself from the room and chanting my mantra (a failure!) but still the "Muuuuuummmmmmmmy, I don't liiiike thiiiis. I waaaaaant.....", delivered in the most irritating manner, continues.
It's mostly a problem only when they're bored and/or tired but sometimes it drives me demented!

Scummy - definitely haven't got a solution to it, just sympathy. I can't even do the "I am calm". She's currently running around singing "PC World". I've tried the "I'll answer you when you speak in a normal/quiet voice" to NO avail. I'm afraid I just resort to " off" in my head. Sorry, I know this isn't helpful.

Scummymummy - 'Fraid no surefire techniques for dealing with whiney kids from me as I would have sorted mine out years ago!
What really drives me mad is when eldest ds winds dd up and she massively over-reacts, but secretly you can tell that she loves the attention. Sometimes I can just blank out the din, as I am used to a certain level of kiddy noise anyway, but other times it really grates on my nerves and I end up screeching like a woman possessed, I dread to think what I sound like! It doesn't make any difference anyway as they just ignore me.

Tinker - If we're honest, I'm sure we all swear in our heads, and not just at the children!

Scummymummy, we're going through that patch at the minute, when "I want a drink of water" can be drawn out to last two minutes. Urgh. We are finding some success with pretending not to understand that silly voice (in a teasing sort of way) and suggesting he asks again in a voice we can understand. At least that sorts out the times when he is just trying it on from when he is really down. Commiserations and relief I'm not getting it in stereo!

I either whine back, completely ignore it or flick my finger over my lips making a sort of 'wibble wibble' noise (do you know what I mean, or am I completely barking?) All childish I know but can make me feel better. Failing that I often give in.

If ds whines he doesn't like his dinner then I just say 'fine' and take his plate away. He's usually so shocked that incredibly he wants his dinner again. If he whines he doesn't want his coat to go out then I call his bluff and off we go - its surprising just how quickly he wants his coat on when he feels the cold air! The other day I had to go to the shops and had to take ds with me - of course he whined he didn't want to go, so I led him by the hand to the shops, completely ignoring his cries and whine of 'I don't want to go with you' and by the time we got there he had stopped. Mind you, I did get some funny looks as if I was some sort of child abductor, but obviously the p*ed off look on my face rapidly assured peole I was his harrassed mother.

LOL Emmam, re 'the p**d off look of a mother'!
I am only just coming into this phase so am reading this avidly for any tips!

And to think I even found dd's first tantrum amusing,in fact almost endearing - but my how things have changed over the past few months!

sorry no advice from me Scummy, but I bet you're doing a fantastic job despite your doubts (and your failing mantras!)...

I have two main methods depending upon my state of mind !
The first is straight out of a text book, and if I can be bothered (which isn't that often.) When they start whinning I ignore the actual moaning and just sit down and play with them. I found that if I do that, and throw myself into doing something with them just for ten minutes, they soon forget about whingeing, and join in. Then..once they are happy again I discreetly extract myself (claiming to need the toilet/make a phone call) and leave them to it. For some reason it seems to work. I must admit I find it hard to sit and play when all I want to do is rant and rave! But for the sake of ten mins....

The other thing I do to give myself time to calm down is to send them up to their rooms/out into the garden (just away from me for a while)

The rest of the time I shout/reason with/explain and get absolutely nowhere and pull my hair out and think I'm a hopeless mother who can't control her children !! Like I said it depends upon my state of mind.

Scummy, as Chanelno5 says, it I had a sure fire technique I'd have sorted out mine years ago.

If you only verbally lose your rag on rare occasions, I really wouldn't feel that guilty about it. Why try to be a perfect robot? Anyway, IMO it can do children some good to see that wonderful, calm, mummy is not a doormat and can even get a little upset and loud herself when pushed to her limits. Not always of course, otherwise they see they have power over you. So as long as it's inpredictable and rare it has shock value, and you have another tactic if your children are entering the whining zone: You can say to them in a low voice 'do you want mummy to get really angry? and sometimes this will stop them in their tracks.

But for everyday use, this tactic is no good. When my sons whine, I sometimes go for a deceptively positive approach. If they're whining for juice and we havn't got any I'll say 'what a good idea, we must buy some tomorrow. What flavour shall we have?' with luck they stop focusing on the present and stop whining.

As for the general noise level, as Marina says, stereo in your case, in my expereince it gets even worse with time but then it starts getting better again. Sorry I can't say anything more positive, scummymummy.

This is a pretty silly technique, and perhaps only of use with my son, but when he starts whining and I can't bear it anymore, I imitate him. I'll say, "A cow goes moo, a bear goes grrrrr, and you go 'waaaaghhhhaaaaaa.'" I really drag out the whining imitation and make a very unpleasant face to show him how utterly annoying it is. This sometimes makes him laugh and usually gets him out of the whining mode. Of course he's only two, and I'm sure these imitations of mine won't work for very much longer. . .what's more, I know that his whining will get worse as he gets older. . .but it's a quick, temporary fix for very little ones. (Note: Sometimes I also resort to "shut up" or even something a bit more colourful.)

All i can say is, THANK CHRIST IT'S NOT JUST ME!! When does it end, i waaaaaaaaaaant, no darling what's the magic word? i waaaaaaaaant, oh p..off (in head ofcourse) not wanting to damage said blighter - aaaaaaaaaaaah!
you have my sympathy, and hopefully a number close by for social services!!

Yes we are all plagued by little whingers and whiners at times, doesn't it drive you crazy?!

The worst part is that they KNOW it does. It is soooo hard to ignore it. I usually end up losing it...if they are actually asking for something then I try to get them to ask nicely first then give it to them if possible, so they will stop asking! Sometimes they are asking for something they can't have tho'....over and over and over...it's so aggravating.

One idea I heard which I haven't actually tried but quite like the sound of, is to use a tape recorder to record them having a whinge/moan. Then play it back to them later when they are in a better mood. Explain that it sounds awful and hurts peoples ears so they stop listening. Then ask them to use their "normal" or "usual" voice, tape that and compare them. I don't now if it works, but it's kind of a cute idea If anyone tries it, let me know how it goes!!!

The only other idea I have is to make sure you heap on the praise when they actually do ask nicely for something (it must happen every now and then!!!) or when they are talking "civilly"! Praise works wonders!!!

I have 3 year old twin boy's who doe nothing but whinge and whine all day. You all want to thank yourselve's lucky you don't have to listen to them. My old Italian lady next door must think i am a right nutcase with all the ranting and raving i do in our house. I am going to keep coming back here because i am desperate for advice before i hang myself or my kid's !!!

Wow glad I looked this topic up. Im being drivin mad with 4 and 2.5 yr olds who seem to have whining competitions!! Im wondering if theyve always done it or that im just noticing it more but im constantly saying " say it properly" "stop the whining" "im not listening when you speak like that" I sound like a broken record!!!
Seriously tho im wondering if its cos my 4yr old has speech problems and has 'learned' to speak this way and now my 2.5yr old is copying him!!
It seems to be the 1st n last word of every sentence that drones and whines.
No one else seems to mind, then again they dont spend all day with them.
Hopefully theyl grow out of it........