Sensitive/easily upset DS age 6

[mankyscotslass]

DS is 6 and in YR1. He is an October birthday so one of the oldest, and is also my 3rd dc, so I know what I'm doing (most of the time)!

He is doing well at school apart from his writing, which is awful, and a tendency to get upset with his friends very easily. His teacher says he is caring and helpful, and confident talking to anyone in school. He even approaches one of the YR 6 -dragons- teachers for a chat on a regular basis!

He has always had a quick temper, and been easily upset since he was tiny, usually very quickly over and done with.

I had hoped that it's something he will grow out of, but he has been worse recently. His friends know how to push his buttons to get the usual tears and screams, and nothing we suggest seems to help him remember to take a deep breath before reacting.

He is having at least 2 crying sessions and three or four full on temper tantrums a day. To be fair the temper tantrums are at home - he dosen't do that at school, just the crying.

We have tried ignoring it, or catching him just before he starts (usually lilttle warning), getting him to take a deep breath and count to ten, and asking him to leave the room til he can be calm. He usually calms down very quickly, it can be within seconds, but he needs to be able to stop it getting to that point, and I don't know how to help him.

Has anyone out there been there and bought the t shirt and come out the other end?

bump

Thank you.

I don't have the t-shirt but have worked with a little boy for whom things got much worse before they got better so good for you for wanting to think this through now.

I think I'd be tempted to say ok, my current strategies aren't working yet, I need to have a period of gathering in more information. So I'd spend a good couple of weeks doing lots of eliciting information about how he feels when it happens. (using all those "how to listen soyour kids will talk"-type techniques) without trying to offer any further advice.

and then perhaps go back into school. Are the teachers supportive? I imagine it could be tricky for them if he isn't tantrumming in school (yet).

I'll dig out my copy of HTT, I'd forgotten about it, thank you.

The class teacher is brilliant, very supportive so I'm sure she will help.

I just hate seeing him get so upset and not being able to help him handle it.

My child was the same and then recently- wen dd turned 7 they think she has dyspraxia. I do not want to alarm you. I went to Behaviour Advice Clinic on and off for 3 years. She is highly emotional/ sensitive.

QueenofLemuria thank you for your comments.

I have to say I have wondered about Dyspraxia, but he can ride a bike, doesn't hand flap, and loves playing games he makes up, and dressing up.

He is also very good with Lego/meccano and jigsaws, so I don't think he fits the criteria, although I appreciate that children can be Dysopraxic to a greater or lesser extent.

School certainly haven't raised a concern about that specifically, anhd he is doing well academically, especially reading and maths. I have to say his handwriting is awful - but the teachers say though it is bad, it isn't the worst in the class, it just doesn't match his reading/verbal skills.

Your son sounds lovely. My first thought, would be to try and find out how he's coping with the friendship groupings at school. My son wasn't bullied but there was a very dominant friendship between two boys. They were the head honchos and would dictate what everyone should do. It started subtly but has become a real issue with some children who have felt excluded and alienated at times.

Also, does he play football? If he doesn't and all the other boys do that can be hard. My son doesn't like football that much, but luckily his class is very mixed so there is always someone to play with.

I'd dig around and see how the boys are all relating. Ask who he played with at lunch etc and try to get a clearer picture.

Children develop not gradually but in waves or growth spurts so hopefully his body is going through a little blip and it is frustrating him too.
If you can afford one session at a cranio-osteopath they may be able to pinpoint where the little 'blockage' in his body is and help.

This is only my opinion. With handwriting you could try thicker/ triangle pencils or grips.

Could the 'tantrums' be a way of getting more attention at home as he may now feel he has to share you more with the little one? He may be feeling a little insecure as it can be overwhelming going to school fulltime and then home to share mummy.

I found that hugging them when they have a tantrum can work better at times as it is an emotional 'let out' as sometimes they cannot express themselves. Attachment is very important (in my eyes) and society takes them away to soon- nursery too young, school too long etc. Sometimes they are overwhelmed and the pace is too much and they just need reassurance. Very hard when they are 'being a pain'.

hth