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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD aged 5.5 DRY at night but still wet during the day. Anyone else??

20 replies

FanjolinaJolie · 28/04/2012 17:55

Didn't want to post in Potty Training as that seems to be more for initial potty training.

DD2 aged 5.5 will do anything other than go to the loo. Can be turning herself inside out, legs crossed etc and still won't go. I think she finally goes after feeling herself 'leak' a bit and seems to just ignore the urge as when playing is just to engrossed to stop.

I am getting close to the end of my tether with it all. Knickers at the end of the day stick and are sometimes damp othertimes stiff and have been wet in and dried over the course of the day. Other days can be better where knickers are not smelly (of urine) just smell of being worn.

I'm 100% convinced this is behavioural as she will keep them dry for reward charts etc but when we go back to normal life there seems to be no motivation.

HV advice is to ignore.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 28/04/2012 17:55

stink, not stick

OP posts:

madwomanintheattic · 28/04/2012 18:12

Oh yep. Totally familiar.

Dd1 used to come out of school every single day gleefully clutching a plastic bag of wet clothes.

I think toilet timing is the key here, tbh. Make sure she goes when she gets up or before going to school, ensure she has a wee and washes her hands before lunch, and wheel her in the minute she gets home from school. Nothing else happens unless this is done.

This will save on laundry, maybe, but it won't help her to listen to her body.

You could also try rewarding her if she goes of her own accord.

Or giving her loads more to drink so that she can't. (we've had all sorts of different advice, from docs. Including sending Ds to boarding school...)

There isn't really an answer until she wants to stop. Ds1's daytime issue (v similar) was put down to hyperfocus alongside ADHD. Not convinced, he just chooses to ignore his body and hang on.

Eventually, they do get old enough where this behaviour is embarrassing in front of their peer group, and then, lo and behold, they just stop.

It isn't really a big deal. Dd1 did just stop of her own accord in the end.

Crushinghard · 28/04/2012 18:23

Yeah. Dd is 6 and despite being completely dry for 6 months when she was 2.25-2.75, she has wet on and off ever since. Sometimes she will be dry for 1-2 months, and then she will wet anything from a dribble to full on wetting nearly daily for several weeks at a time. So frustrating. I thought we had it sorted at one point but it has returned again.
I bought some panty liners for her and just ask her to get herself changed now. I mainly ignore it but I know she can tell I find it tiresome. I tried every suggestion anyone gave me and it made no difference. I keep myself sane by telling myself she won't still be doing it when she leaves home!

Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 28/04/2012 18:42

I go through waves of ignoring the wet and just praising the good but sometimes I do ask her 'why didn't you go' etc it is always worse when playing at someone elses house, or out at the park etc. Also when watching TV. Often it is hard to spot what has happened as she doesn't wet enough to soak through to outer clothes. At home she is better as obviously knows where everything is.

She also hides her pants which tells me I am making too bigger deal of it.

Must try to relax about it but it does drive me mad.

OP posts:

Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 28/04/2012 18:44

Also I can drive the process by taking her to the loo as we arrive at school and take her as I pick up, but God only knows what she is doing 9am - 3pm.

I really though it would be self-motivated by this age though.

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Pleiades45 · 30/04/2012 16:01

I'm going through the same thing with DS4. He toilet trained at 3 and was dry during the day for about 6 months. At night he still wears nappies and I'm not too concerned about this. However, he has for several months started wetting himself to the point where he runs out of clothes because I can't keep up with him.

We tried ignoring it, but somehow this seems to condone the issue and he continues. Rewarding when he is dry for the day but he's not motivated by rewards. Nor is he motivated if we restrict things like TV, allow him no treats. Anger obviously doesn't have a good effect though we have told him calmly we're not happy with the situation and would like him to try hard to stay dry. He's not getting caught short as he's just not moving to get to the toilet.

I really don't know how to reverse this behaviour!
Any ideas anyone?

MrsMagnolia · 30/04/2012 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 30/04/2012 19:53

Yes, we need to drink more. I have to stand over her to finish a drink as she'll have just a sip then skip off to do something else.

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QueenofLemuria · 30/04/2012 19:55

I would have a word with her teacher and then meet the teacher with dd and say that she will be helping her by remindig her to go to the loo. It may be embarassing and she needs support. My dd bedwets most nights and has been to the clinic etc but recently found out she has issues which relate to slow development.
I went through a horrid stage of being frustrated which was wrong for her. It was stressing our relationship. I remind her gently to go to the loo after she brushes her teeth night time.

Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 30/04/2012 22:00

If I could get a watch which beeped every two hours or something that would be a great reminder for her.

Teacher is on board but as she doesn't wet through it's not obvious what she is doing.

I'm on a mission to get her to drink more. I was sending a drink bottle with water which hardly gets touched, I know if I send a carton of juice or smoothie she would drink the lot, but not so great for teeth.

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madwomanintheattic · 30/04/2012 22:15

They are made by malem. Avail from 'thebedwettingstore'.

Up to 12 preset alarms. Vibrate as well as audible alarms.

Pleiades45 · 01/05/2012 09:15

I have been using a kitchen timer at home. Setting for every 30 or 40 minutes, then I made all children go to the toilet, thinking it would help to see everyone going, but he just wet himself between times.

sparkle12mar08 · 01/05/2012 10:34

Irritable & unstable bladder? My son has this and we're under consultant care and on Oxybutynin (antispasmodic) in the day and Desmopressin at night. The Oxy made a huge difference to his ability to hang on and to get to the toilet in a timely manner once he realised he needed to go, but we went through basically two years of full bladder daily wetting 3-6 times a day from 3.1yrs to 5.2yrs before we got to the consultant. It's hell on earth for the whole family and was one of the most stressful parenting issues we've had. He's now 6.2yrs and dry in the day (bar dribbles when he doesn't shake properly!) but nights show little improvement yet.

BabsJansen · 01/05/2012 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 02/05/2012 21:15

Babs you are describing my DD to the letter.

Does she recognise this as a flash point do you think? Exercising control? I think this is what started it all off for us but has almost become learned behaviour.

I'd see GP on your own, I think. Not fair to discuss in front of her.

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Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 02/05/2012 21:17

I'm trying hard to ignore all aspects of day wetting now. I'm prompting her to go to the loo before we leave the house but leaving it up to her the rest of the time. Ignoring the whiff of smelly knickers. Ignoring the potty dance.

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Original poster

FanjolinaJolie · 02/05/2012 21:18

sparkle I feel in my gut it is behavioural as she will keep dry for reward charts.

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QueenofLemuria · 02/05/2012 21:43

Is she drinking enough water so her bladder is big enough to hold water? My dd still has accidents- most nights and has turned 7. They said it is development as she was preterm.

GraceK · 02/05/2012 22:37

Re drinking more - I know that juice or squash isn't as good for them as juice but have you considered it for a couple of months til she gets the hang of drinking more / using the loo? To be horribly practical - get her fluid levels up (which will be good for her attention span / general health as well as her bladder control) whilst she still has her baby teeth.

My two are fantastic drinkers when given dilute juice or squash - literally putting away several pints in a day but only sip when given plain water. I use Playtex straw cups (which are pretty leak proof and hold a 1/2 pt) to protect their teeth as best I can. If your DD drinks more, then even if she does leak the knickers won't be as smelly.

I have to admit I'm rubbish at drinking when just offered water. Have actually been carrying one of those travel shampoo bottles (from Boots) in my handbag filled with Roses Lime Cordial since I became aware of being on the edge of dehydration when pregnant with DD1. Now I can grap a cup of water when I'm thirsty rather than ignoring it or getting a headache. (I ate fizzy drinks & it can only be that squash.)

crazy88 · 04/05/2012 21:27

It sounds like a control issue or else something about going to the loo bothers her. Is she otherwise confident, happy etc? If she is dry at night she is clearly capable of hanging on but is choosing not to. I'm not sure what more you can do other than keep the rewards coming so that you keep boosting her self esteem. I'm afraid that once her peers start to notice that may be the incentive for her to stop, but it would be nice if it didn't come to that

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