How should I react to rough toddler playdate

[buggyRunner]

Hi, I have a v good mummy circle (all known each other since our dc's were tiny and are v good friends)
1 friend has a dc who is big for his age and strong. A lovely boy generally, yet, recently for the past few months has been pushing, hitting the other dc's a lot during meet ups.
His mum is fab and always reprimands etc but it's getting to the point my dd doesn't want to see him and sits scared on my knee. (I have a baby also so although I'm always close can't be a physical barrier constantly iyswim)

My friend is getting really stressed about it as he does it to the other dc's too. The pushing, hair pulling and hitting are pretty constant- he wants someones toy, hits out, reprimand, says sorry- then does it again.

My friend is being consistent and he has s loving home. So what could I do to help- on the meet ups. I now sit next to them on the floor holding my baby as does the other mum.
Any tips?

It sounds to me like this DC needs something a bit stronger than a reprimand - perhaps a "time out" (if a toddler then 1 minute strapped into a highchair facing a blank wall should do it) - is needed to enforce that behaviour is unacceptable. This will upset him, yes, but he needs to have some kind of consequence and the reprimand and saying sorry are not sufficent. When the minute is over, his mum and everyone else there needs to be very loving and reassuring to show him that he is still loved and accepted, and then show him appropriate, gentle ways of playing to demonstrate what acceptable behaviour is like, giving him lots of praise when he plays well. (You don't give enough detail to know this, but is it possible that this DC is getting more attention from him mum when he misbehaves than he does when he is being good? If so then lavish and over-the-top praise and attention when he is NOT being naughty, combined with time-out alone when he is, should do miracles - but the time outs will help even if this isn't the case.)

if a play date stops benefiting your child and starts hindering him, STOP DOING THEM - for a little while anyway (kids are fickle, take a break of a month and try again and they might be best friends or roles reversed?)

If you are doing the play dates for YOU then keep in touch with mums nights out/in

your child needs to know you keep him safe, what you describe is not the odd squabble over a toy, it sounds relentless and one sided

xkcdfangirl seems to have some good advice. When my DS1 went thru a rough phase (which included biting ), we spoke to him very sternly shouted at him and instigated the naughty step, as this physically removed him from the toys and people, similar to the advice above. Apparently these phases are very normal for toddlers so your friend should keep on with the strong reprimands and hopefully he'll just grow out of it.

As for playdates, when we were on the receiving end, I just tried to stick near DS1 and encourage him to play away from the other one. I also wasn't shy to step in and say when the other child was being too rough. This mum did withdraw from the group for a while as her DS was becoming quite a handful and when we saw him recently, he was a lot better. His mum focused on dealing with his behaviour with close friends and family to try and get him thru the rough phase.

HTH, best wishes xxx

Sometimes it helps to go to the park - neutral territory, no toys, plenty of space to run away from around with live wire toddler.

To be honest out of coincidence we have stopped seeing so much of them. It's tough though as we all do things as a group - I don't think I could arrange a coffee afternoon and just not invite them. We do also have grown up nights so I may just persue these.

I literally am next to my dd to intervene anything but it's really tough with a baby.

He gets a lot of positive encouragement and gets put in time out,