birds and bees talk - help!

[dustythedolphin]

I split up from my not so D H last year and have recently started a new relationship. My children have no experience of DH and I sleeping in the same bed or even the same room as our sex life was dead many years ago, when I concieved our last child.
Unfortunately, my almost 12 year old son walked past my bedroom late at night to go to the toilet and overheard my boyfriend and myself being intimate, tho of course we were being as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake the children.
My son is now obsessed with knowing what we were doing together in the room, why the door was locked, why this man sleeps in my bed when he stays over and what those noises were.
He has got it into his heard that the man was hurting me and has taken a disliking to my boyfriend as a result. If my boyfriend stays over now, my son wants to either sleep in the room with us or directly outside the door.
I need to have "the talk" with him. He is still at primary school as we live in Ireland, so is fairly innocent. He has no experience of me being intimate with DH so the very idea of me having a fella in my room whop sleeps in my bed is all new to him and to his younger siblings.
Can anyone help me out in terms of how to explain the rudimentaris of the birds and the bees, without going into any unneccesary details with hi. Also I thought if we had a talk and then I gave him a book it might help, so he could have a read and ask me any questions ...can anyone recommend a book appropriate for a 12 yr old Thanks

No experience with boys, but I bought 'The Human Body Explorer' and showed it to dd1, explained it was about what happens to our bodies and that she could ask me about anything she didn't understand. She left it a while, then gradually read the bits she was interested in. Hth

OH Good lord! The last thing you want to do is explain sex as it directly relates to you! Ick ick ick. You're his MUM!

Does he literally know nothing about it?

I can't believe that you have put yourself in a position where you are going to have to go from zero knowledge of reproduction right to 'and now I'm shagging my new boyfriend in the next room and that's what you can hear'.

I am fully aware that this is the least useful post ever, but I am desperately trying to think of a constructive method for you to dig yourself out of this and I can't.

If you have avoided telling him anything up to this point I think your best bet is to throw a book at him now. And you are going to have to let him read one that says 'people have sex because they like it and it's fun' as well, so he can get over the notion that your BF is hurting you.

What are unnecessary details? My DS is five and he knows about sperm and egg and babies exit strategies. He'll ask soon about how they get in, and I'll give him the special cuddle speil. I hope that will sink in first before he has the realisation that his dad and I are doing it.

Whilst I appreciate that you have the right to a fulfilling relationship, I am concerned that this is a new relationship and you have moved quickly onto your new partner possibly staying over, and having sex while your children are in the house.

I'm also quite aghast at a 12 year old knowing nothing about sex, puberty or relationships. You need to do something urgently about this. There are some excellent books available on amazon.

Any suggestions for these good books? Thanks :)

Err.. I would suggest that you find some books and have an open and very explanatory talk with him asap.

In Uk in our area the school kids get the full talk in year 5 . Although I know that my DS knew pretty much all of it before then as I told him a lot - as and when - but we covered it I reckon by age 9.

I don't have any suggestions re him disliking your new DP - and wanting to keep you safe from him ? Although without getting on my high horse- as a prviously single parent I didn't have any men in the house when my DS was there. Only my (now) DH and that was after a number ofm onths of dating, and when we were sure that we were going to stay together. But that just sounds judgy. Apologies, but that is my viewpoint on it.

So please - make it this weekend. Sit him down and talk.

Mummy Laid an Egg

Where Willy Went

Littlefish I'd say we are well past Where Willy Went. I read that to my 3YO.

I don't know about mummy laid an egg.

Mummy Laid an Egg appeals to my 5/6 year olds - 9 year old likes to look at the different 'positions' at the end as he is fascinated how 'that' gets in 'there'!!!
How on earth you've managed to get to 12 without questions I have no idea - mind you we have animals bonking all over the place here (farm) so I guess it's unavoidable. You don't need to change names or anything - its very simple. Get a pen and a piece of paper - draw it. This is a vagina, these are ovaries, this is a womb. These are testicles, sperm and a penis. That goes in there, this swims out, up there, once a month there's an egg waiting (perfect time to explain a little about periods) and bingo. Otherwise, adults like to do it just for fun when they love each other.

Alternatively, tell him you were playing a noisy game of twister that involved pretending to be .

I realise they might be a bit young, but if the op's son really doesn't know anything, then I thought the humerous approach might be best.

I agree Littlefish - only at 12 they need to know it's not just for making babies - we had to explain this after DS1 commented that James Bond must have THOUSANDS of children!!!

@ conorsrockers

That is hilarious conner!

Thanks for your comments - this may sound stupid but I am unsure how to explain the birds and the bees :( any suggestions in terms of how anyone else has explained it?

Dusty - as I said in my previous post I used a bit of paper and a pen, however there are lots of really good books out there. If you are going to find it very tricky I would look on Amazon for something suitable and leave it on his bed (he's 12 right!?), if he asks questions you just have to tell him honestly - it doesn't need to be an embarrassing subject. It's not long before you will need to be explaining about sexually transmitted diseases and contraception so you need to find a way that works for you to cover these topics.

Start by asking where he thinks babies come from? Then treat it like a science lesson. Don't let it be about you personally.