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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

14 Month old DS, who ignores me completely, please help

9 replies

Mummy2Toby · 11/02/2006 22:27

I have a ds who is 14 mths and is very active. He has been crawling since 6 mths and walking since 10 mths, so since then (when he could get to things himself) I have been saying NO to certain things. He has never paid any attention and I just thought that he was too young to understand but at 14 mths he should be taking some notice of me!
When he does something that he is not allowed to do, I tell him no in a serious voice but not shouting, if he ignores me and carries (which is everytime) I then move him away and try to look him in the eye and tell him no but he moves his face away and laughs at me, I have resorted now to saying NO, moving him away and putting him in his spiderman chair but it doesn't worry him at all.
I need to find something to make him listen before people start to say - here comes the naughty boy.

Can anyone help - sorry for the long post

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biglips · 11/02/2006 22:35

same here as my 16m DD sometimes ignore me as i havent got the voice but i do say No! and i let her know that if she does it one more time, ill put her in the playpen but my Dp (DDs Dad) got a strong voice and she goes all "eek!" ...

your DS is young and doesnt understand it atm but will learn what it means eventually

Mazzystar · 11/02/2006 22:41

he is really still very little, he doesn't have it in him to be naughty yett...

jsut try to be consistent, i would give him the opportunity to stop by himself but remove him from the situation (usually plugs and sockets in our house) and look him in the eyes and explain why.

FrayedKnot · 11/02/2006 22:43

M2T I think my DS was still like that at 14 months. Even now (23 months) he does a good line in ignoring me, especially about getting dressed / nappy changes. But I wouldn;t say it was naughty, just normal for a toddler

I think he started to react better to "No" around 15-16 months? If I tell him "No" now, he will stop, but goes to the thing I have said no about sometime later, and says very firmly to himslef "No no no no", and shakes his head, (which makes me laugh).

DS was also on the move early likes yours and tbh we just locked away / moved onto high shelves / put safety catches on EVERYTHING we could, it was the only way. I had some friends with toddlers who were amazed, and said their lo's just never went into the cupboard where they kept the bleach....well, lucky them!

Now worryingly he has started pulling chairs up to the kitchen counters etc. Oh joy!

FrayedKnot · 11/02/2006 22:46

I also go with the explaining thing. I've no idea whether it goes in but I always say you mustn't do that because you could e.g. bump your head very badly if you fell (climbing) / hurt your hand (not touching knives), etc.

I'm assuming as he gets older this will mean more to him.

Aero · 11/02/2006 22:50

Ds2 is still like this when I'm telling him something he doesn't want to hear. Has a little defiant streak in him, but I keep persisting with whatever request it is and try not to get stressed about it. It's clear he understands everything, just has super selective hearing!! At his age, a little cajoulling (sp?) seems to help. ie if I have something he wants and have asked him to do something he refuses to do, I keep telling him 'when you put 'xyz' away, mummy will share 'abc' with you' etc. Takes a while, but eventually it gets through and I think it won't be too long before the message gets through that ignoring me when he feels like it isn't the best way forward!!

Original poster

Mummy2Toby · 12/02/2006 00:17

Thanks everyone,
Dh and I do discuss this a lot - as you can imagine and we have come to the same conclusion - persistance, but sometimes it does get wearing - it seems like ds pays no attention at all and won't stop doing things (like turning the T.V on/off) when we say no, so we end up putting tape over the buttons etc in the hope that he will forget about it.
FrayedKnot - None of my friend lo's have ever touched anything either and can't get over how defiant and independant ds is (takes after my dh in that respect)
I have been saying that I think he is still a bit young to understand properly - but wasn't sure if I wa just making excuses for him
I have fallen out with my Mum over this recently which is why it has bothered me more - she told me he is just a naughty boy and I let him walk all over me! (she is not here 7 days a week with me constantly removing him from situations and repetedly saying no) and she even smacked him at her house the other day when I was there because he opened her kitchen cupboards + I was livid - it was the last straw - I told her that all children were different and if she couln'd leave me to carry on my methods of disciplin then we wouldn't come to see her.
Sorry to rant - thanks for your advice and I think we will just carry on with what we are doing - I am sure it will sink in eventually

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Aero · 12/02/2006 10:45

M2T - 14 months is too young to understand properly. Just keep doing what you're doing and it'll sink in eventually. Ds2 is 2y1m and it's slowly getting better. He is starting to understand that I mean what I say when he refuses to do what he's asked. I have to keep returning him to the stairs for a 'think', but the message is getting through that he has to stay until I say it's ok to come and say sorry etc (only about a minute or so at this stage).
@ your mum smacking him - I'd be livid too. My mum would never dream of smacking any of mine (though heaven knows I was smacked from time to time) Despite what she might be thinking, she knows we have our own methods of teaching discipline which seem to be working without the need for smacking.

FrayedKnot · 12/02/2006 13:51

also at your Mum's reaction! Opening cupboards is just natural curiosity and interest in things at this age! Certainly not naughty IMO.

With just the benefit of a few months hindsight, DS is not nearly so interested in cupboards, drawers etc now, too busy playing with his toys.

I'm glad I didn;t make a big thing of it and saved the "no's" and getting cross for really serious things like running away in car parks etc.

I think if you say "no" to every little thing, you could end up with a very antagonistic situation and potentially a child who starts to do "naughty" things (i.e. things which you would rather they do not) just for attention.

I agree stand firm and carry on and hope your Mum sees that in a few months his behaviour will have changed a lot.

Original poster

Mummy2Toby · 12/02/2006 16:53

Thank you to your both - I do agree with you.

I have tried telling my mum that the No's and harsh words should be saved for things that are dangerous or quite mischevious (sp?) otherwise, everything will be No and he will get frustrated and just do it for attention. I prefer to let him explore for himself otherwise how will he learn?

I am glad that you do feel that same as me and that I am not just a mum who doesn't disciplin (sp?)

Thank you for your support - MN is soooo good for that

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