Teaching DC's to be assertive

[JunesTune]

Dogeareds thread prompted me to get some of your views and opinions on what I have been trying to teach my DS (3.1) today.

DS is gentle, placid and quite reasonable and sensible for a 3 year old. He doesn't go to nursery and so hasn't had a lot of experience socialising with other children his age.

We do go to groups and activities and those that are more of a free-for-all free-play are a bit tricky. Other children just take things that he is playing with off him (even those younger and smaller) and he doesn't reproach them.

This happened today twice, and he just kind of shrugged and looked for something else to do.

I asked him later how he felt when other children took things off him that he was playing with like today, and he said "sad". So we acted out and role-reversed as well, that if another child takes a toy from his hands he should say "no, I was playing with that, when I have finished with it you can have it" and he should take it back. I told him be strong and get the toy back!

Any thoughts on this or ideas on how you'd go about it?

Be careful with the "be strong" part though, it's ok to be assertive but you don't want things to get physical

No I don't tantrums that' s true, but he's not a physical little boy anyway. He's never pushed/hit/smacked anyone!

I meant "be strong" as in strong-minded.

I was just unsure whether or not encouraging him to take toy back was going a bit far, but how else will he learn?

I think that you shouldn't encourage him to be physical. You son will end up getting punished and your lesson will back fire. If the child refuses to return the toy its better for him to use the broken record technique, repeat.

"I don't like the way you snatched that toy off me. You can have a turn when I have finished."

If the child fails to return the toy then your son needs to ask the teacher for help.

What teacher?

I'm talking about at toddler groups when children are having "free-play" and parents are not always around/interested in directing their children in how to play nicely.

Obviously in the classroom he can go and tell the teacher.

Do take your point though that encouraging "taking-back" is getting physical really - which I agree is not the way to go and wont do him any favours.

At the playgroups, I would watch him carefully and if a child is going to take his toy I would go over straightaway and take the toy back and say to the other kid 'sorry johnny is playing with that'. Your son will soon learn to do it himself.