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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help! 14mth old Daughter has beaten and bitten me black and blue :(

12 replies

Onadietcolabreak · 26/04/2012 13:58

Not just me but my other 2 DC :( I now flinch when she moves near me. It's not an exaggeration at all, my arms and DS's are covered with huge round bruises from her bitting us, small bruises from the pinching and I have several scratches over my face. Her other fave 'sport' is pulling DS hair untill it comes out in her hand (que huge grin on her face) the pets are not fearing any better. Yesterday she almost strangled a young chicken to death!
She does it constantly, sometimes in anger (she has an amazing temper!) but also when she's all excited and worryingly, she can be sitting giving cuddles then just attack. We're all sick of it, and the other dc are starting to dislike her intently :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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justonemorethread · 26/04/2012 14:01

Bump - sorry no experience
But maybe go to gp and get referred to a specialist?
How horrible for you.

HappyJoyful · 26/04/2012 15:18

this topic seems to come up here quite a lot - I've posted with sympathy and support before now.
Have a flick through previous threads and see if you can get some reassurance it will pass... and more importantly what I looked for were some tips to deal with it.
My DD is 16mo and whilst I wouldn't say I'm black and blue we've certainly had our fair share of flinching moments and grabs and 'attacks' My DH got bitten only yesterday. Worse and what caused me deep upset is she did grab another little girl at the childminders and left a mark on her face - you can imagine I was mortified. The childminder was great and says these things pass and reassured me it was just a 'phase'.
DH and I have discussed that she seems to be getting better - I reckon she peaked at 14mo, and I put alot of it down to being frustrated - now she is able to do things like say 'mine' / 'yes' / 'no' (well shakes head v.firmly) she seems to be settling down..
She's strong willed and determined so we have been v.firm with her when she has done this. holding her hands away, putting her down, and leaving room for a few minutes (mainly in DH's case to scream and curse away from her) she is starting to look very meekly now and know's she's done something 'that hurts' and 'made Mummy cry'
Hang on in there and do look back for some of the other thoughts / suggestions that I came across.
Patience (and believe I'm not a naturally patient person) seems to be paying off and acceptance that it is normal developmental behaviour (well from what I've read on here) Encourage her all the time when she is good - that's the other thing I learnt.

Janoschi · 27/04/2012 15:56

Watching with interest! Getting mauled by 12 month old DD for the past month. Chest, stomach and neck ripped to shreds. I've tried a very firm 'No!' and she looks utterly confused, then bursts into tears. Sometimes she laughs but not often. It's only me though - other people and the pets fare okay. Wondering if it's a sort of clinginess thing...

SoupDragon · 27/04/2012 15:58

What are you doing to try and stop her?

PurplePidjin · 27/04/2012 16:03

What's the consequence? How are you telling her that she shouldn't do that?

Nice firm no, move her away, fake crying "you hurt mummy/made mummy sad", remind her that mouths are for food not people and to use kind hands...

These things pass but there are some well-tried ways to speed the process up!

NeedToSleepZZZ · 27/04/2012 23:03

My ds is also 14 months and has a tendency to bite people and pull hair. The most effective thing I've found is to stop whatever we're doing immediately and place him on the floor or away from whomever he has bitten. I don't give him any attention other than a stern 'no' as I think he wants a reaction so denying that means it is less fun for him.

Good luck and hope this is the peak of it.

EBDTeacher · 28/04/2012 06:44

Agree with the exaggerated sad face/ fake crying. My DS went through a phase of hitting us when he was angry (at about 16-18months). At first we got a bit cross but it didn't seem to have any effect. Once we switched to acting sad and hurt he seemed to get the message. He started off by looking sad himself at our reactions and tbh a few weeks after that it pretty much stopped. Not sure if it was just the phase that passed or whether he has developed some understanding that hurting us isn't nice. Also not sure if 14mo would be a bit little for that to work.

TBH In situations where you know your DD will hit I would physically prevent it. For example my DS was hitting DH everyday as he lifted him out of the bath (because DS didn't want to get out). So for a while DH lifted him out facing away from him and wrapped his arms with the towel for a few seconds until the frustration passed. I also had to develop a technique for getting him into his carseat so he couldn't wollop me!

He is 20mo now and it has all but gone so take heart.

Original poster

Onadietcolabreak · 28/04/2012 13:20

Thanks for all your advice, I have tried the sad/u hurt mummy ect, but she understands very well and laughs and tries to re attack :( it seems to be the look of pain she enjoys. When my son cries (and, boy does he cry!) she laughs and does it more, I have to restrain her from going back to bite/ hit/ pull hair!And I have tried just putting her down and walking away (had to at times so I don't lose my temper) and ignoring.

Im not sure if it's releated to her anger, but seems to not have many teeth for her age (8 and hasn't had a new one in 6mnths) so I thought maybe her teeth are having trouble braking though?

EBD thank you, that gives me some hope

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 28/04/2012 13:23

"it seems to be the look of pain she enjoys"

No it isn't. She is 14 months old. She likes the fact that when, for example, she pulls something it makes a noise - it's like a toy with a pull string.

thisisyesterday · 28/04/2012 13:37

you need to supervise her constantly. i KNOW that is difficult/nigh on impossible, but when you have a child going through this phase then it's really important that you catch her BEFORE she gets to the point of pulling out hair.

you see her going for his hair, you grab her and say NO very firmly and you put her elsewhere.

the more often you can stop her before she gets going the quicker she will learn that this isn't tolerated.
putting on a sad face AFTER she has done it will have no effect. she is 14months old! she does this, gets a big reaction, finds it funny and that's that.

"I have to restrain her from going back to bite/ hit/ pull hair"

yes! yes you will have to restrain her. keep on doing it
I would also consider finding a safe place to put her, away from the other children.
maybe a playpen, or just another room that has a gate on it?
so that if she is really getting into it and won't stop hurting them you can put her somewhere else where she physically cannot reach them.
that might just be in the kitchen with you (if you have a gate/door on it) so you can keep an eye on her while doing dinner.

might also be worth seeing if you can find anything she enjoys doing with her sibligns that can be used as a distraction and will teach her that she can get their attention without having to pinch/bite?
puzzles, books etc?

5318008 · 28/04/2012 13:54

yy what TIY said

you must be prepared to parry blows or lashouts with your forearm, block with your body/legs, catch her hand firmly if you see it heading towards anyone. Unfurl her fingers if she is clutching hair/pinching

hover like mad, be hawklike, learn the signs that indicate a blow is coming and move her away, move yourself between dd and the others

playpen is a good idea

she doesn't really know that someone is hurt, the feedback that she is getting is that doing X gets a massive payout of attention

she should not have access to animals, it's not fair on them

cory · 28/04/2012 16:05

I can understand how she gets the first blow in when you are unprepared, but after that- do you not restrain her? You must, every time.
And, as thisisyesterday says, learn to recognise the signs so you can restrain her the moment she starts.
Dd was like this, she grew out of it. She later on, at a much older age, became violent in a totally different way, after trauma, but again, I restrained her and she grew out of it. Don't think the two were related.

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