DD had one of her best friends over for tea yesterday. They do the same club on the same night and we alternate weeks. It's good. The girls are good friends and play nicely together.
But this girl can be extremely rude to us, especially my OH. Last night things deteriorated and the girls were playing up and being poorly behaved at the dinner table, something we would never accept from our own girls. They were flicking drinks around, and inevitably it got spilled on the table, on themselves, on their plates. Despite several warnings they wouldn't calm down and were just generally doing silly and unpleasant things with their food so it got quite irritating and is a very poor example for younger DD who ends up copying.
When we told them off the friend responded by shouting 'I like having fun!' as if this was acceptable playing, and then roared in my OH's face 'I want more food! Bring me more food!' They are seven so well aware of what's acceptable behaviour and way to speak to adults. My OH was furious as it's not the first time she's shouted in his face like that.
In the end they got down from the table without dessert because it didn't seem right to reward the behaviour. Subsequent efforts to explain / chastise were ignored. OH told her in our house she must abide by our rules. In the car en route to the club I asked her how her mum would think that was and I turned to catch her pulling faces at me.
TBH we were shocked at the complete disregard for our telling off, and total lack of respect for us. We are quite strict parents. Probably too strict. And if it had been just our girls we would have told them off quite strongly and it would have stopped straight away. I didn't feel I could be as strong with her since, if I shout at my girls that's one thing, but it seems wrong to shout at other people's kids. But on the other hand failing to emphasise how strongly we felt about it seems to have meant it had no impact on her.
OH wants me to speak with the girl's mum and feels that if she behaves like that with us she will not be welcome in our home. But in general I like the girl, I like that the girls have a good friendship and I would like to encourage it. I like the mum, they're a good family, and I know if I say anything she will be mortified and apologetic.
I don't want to go to her with a big list of moans that she will feel obliged to apologise for. I don't want her to go home and tell her kid off, although I would appreciate a conversation with her daughter about not speaking to us like that, and I don't want this girl to feel like she doesn't want to come to our house and that my DD has got the most evil ogre parents in the world.
But I am clueless how to play it. I said wait and see if it happens again and next time I will make it clear to her that she will not be welcome with behaviour like that in our house, but OH thinks we should address it now. But I don't know how to without really upsetting the mum.