Helping DS to sleep with calming pats and stroking

[BlingLoving]

DS was a truly terrible sleeper when he was a newborn and was colicky and we spent our first 9 weeks in a haze of sheer exhaustioin and awfullness. Slowly slowy, things improved and he is now, age 11 months, sleeping through the night. Which we are thrilled about.

However, I made the mistake of having a look at one of those books recently about sleep because I was trying to work out whether the fact that DS is only having one nap is a disaster or not (it's a long nap, starting around 11:00 and going until about 13:00). The book reminded me that doing things like patting the child or feeding him to sleep is not in fact doing him any favours.

DS was going down quite easily before (even before he slept through) but we're finding now that he gets all dozy and then when we put him in the cot he cries so we tend to stroke his back for a few minutes to calm him and then he lies back down and goes to sleep. We're fine with this. But, he's my PFB and I can't help worrying that I'm saving up trouble for later? My instinct says that we can do this for now, and when he's a bit bigger we can slowly acustom him to us moving away but I'm not sure?

I'd love to hear from people who've had similar situations?

he is sleeping through the night you say?! well its obviously working and if one long nap is fine for him then i dont think you have anything to worry about.

i used to shushhh and pat my children to help them to sleep, esp when i was trying not to bfeed them in the night!

you are simply giving him the reassurance that he needs that his cot is a nice safe place to lie down and go to sleep in :)

Oh heck!!! Chuck the book away!

My ds sleep roughly went like this:
until about 7/8 months went to sleep either by being fed, pushed along in pram, carried hugging my front in sling, leaning on my shoulder being sung to and stroked or tucked up and drift off of own accord. All depended what was going on or needed at the time - he has bad reflux so sling and shoulder were great as upright was better than horizontal!

As he got older he still has sling and pram, but more often put in cot and would often be stroked to sleep or fed.

gradually as his awareness increased he started wanting to be in his cot, though sometimes would still like a stroke or hand to be held.

Can't remember exactly when but around 14 months it was quite normal for him to be popped into his cot for bed or nap and kissed and tucked up and left to it wide awake, he would go to sleep on his own happily.

He is currently 22mo and his nurseries easiest little sleeper as he is the only child who will take himself to his mat, lie down and go to sleep just by being told it is sleeptime. All the other children (so they say) need to be put/taken/sat with or stroked.

For me the success to his sleep is the fact that we haven't had steadfast rules about exactly how he must go to sleep, but instead we have encouraged and facilitated a calm regular sleeptime where he self settles... but first and foremost we have always just responded to his needs.

His needs have differed at different stages of awareness, physical ability, typical pattern etc but at no point have we made an issue of sleeptime, it naturally develops because humans naturally want sleep, so provided a parent isn't creating disruption or anxiety around sleep, and provided you have in your minds eye an eventual goal of self-settle so you can encourage that direction - nothing you are doing now will be spoiling anything.

So much changes between now and the next 3 months and the next 3 etc etc that him being relaxed and happy around nap/sleep times is as much as you need for a successful sleeping baby in future.

HTH

:)

Ok. Thank you both. Especially Gin. That's a very articulate way of describing what we've been kind of trying to do. We aren't super attachment parenting types, but we do believe that we have to adapt to where he is individually and whenever we've done that, things have worked better for us (DS also had reflux which is now largely under control with just gaviscon at night and we're trying to wean him off that).

Thank you. I feel better.

Oh sound just like me! I have the benefit of hindsight now but at the time I was winging it and going on instinct!

Tonight was a revelation. Admittedly, he was knackered as he hadn't slept as much as usual during the day. I put him down. He looked mildy unhappy and grizzled. I stroked him for a few minutes then just rested my hand on his chest for a while. Then moved away and left while he was still just very lightly asleep.

Would treat myself to a glass of wine to celebrate but am trying to cut out the nightly glass.

Thanks again for the reassurance.

Throw the book away, babies (and mummies) need cuddles and closeness at bedtime!

I wish that worked on mine. He wants to be held but not touched, he wants to be rocked but arches his back like he wants to lie down and screams the whole time. He goes quiet, put him down and 5 min later is awake so start again.
When I worked at a nursery we used to get the toddlers to sleep back patting and often replace hand with a soft toy so they felt like it was still there. Very useful when trying to get 20 to them to sleep - whhhhhhy won't it work with my own????

Throw the book away, babies (and mummies) need cuddles and closeness at bedtime!

Oh dear candr I can't imagine what anyone could say when you ave worked in a nursery and probably have more experience than most with a wide variety of babies! How old is he? Would white noise help (washing machine etc) or is he older than that now?

I used to draw a figure of 8 slowly round DS eyes and that would have him drifting off in no time at one stage.

Gin, he is 7m so a bit younger but same as OP had really bad colic for 3.5m so often fell asleep on us and we co slept. Even when in my bed he writhes and shouts. I remember doing the hand thing too and tried that (plus up and down each finger) but NO!

Hmm - is he getting over stimulated? have you tried putting him down before he is very tired so he can sleep before he is frazzled?

White noise might still be useful at that age can you get a white noise app on your phone or Cd to play in his room?

I'm sure he'll grow out of it but that's no help for now is it?