Violent tantrums in 2.4yo. Sinister!

[IllegitimateGruffaloChild]

After any advice please. Ds is 2.4. If he doesn't get his own way he goes nuts.

As I carry him from the scene of the crime he lashes out scratching, pinching and biting. He doesn't forgive easily either.

I carried him up to bed earlier (after warning/countdown) and it was like carrying a wild tiger. after I put him down, trying to distract him with stories, he was still attacking me. It took everything in me not to whack him back.

My face has proper scratches on it!

Went through the same with my ds, who was an impossible toddler. He once wrestled my own mother, dragging her down into the pavement gutter. Broke my specs, too. He did get a few smacks in his time. He is now an utterly charming and clever 8 year-old, a bookworm and mathematician, adored and worshipped by all.

Trust me, it shall pass!

when in the throes of a tantrum dont try and distract....its too late! i remember this stage.

i used to ignore ignore and ignore some more. i remember literally stepping over my tantruming toddlers to remove myself while they paddied to their hearts content.

make sure he is safe. then go.
leave him where he is - dont move him. simply remove yourself, and do not react at all. not at all. no crossness, no comfort, no calming, no distraction. just walk into another room and let him get on with it. and stay completely calm. dont plead or soothe or get cross or flustered.

it works. they burn themselves out and when they get no reaction they pretty soon realise its fruitless.

mine are older now, but i used to just ignore paddies as much as possible.
i realise its not always practicable, but where possible ignore, even in the supermarket, i used to strap them into a buggy or whatever, and let them get on with it!

Thankyou. I can definitely ignore. It's the fact that I can't carry him upstairs (for example) without being attacked.

I'm happy to ignore but what about when I need to get something done, of he somewhere?

I agree with VicarInaTutu, my experience with ds's really quite terrible tantrums was that once he had started there was very little I could do except wait for him to exhaust himself. Very frustrating, but any intervention just made them much much worse.

Agree with Vicarinatutu.

Ignore!

flip him round so he's facing away from you and hold him so his arms are pinned to his sides. Make sure that his head is not at the right angle to throw back and break your nose. (I speak from experience - my children both have autism. I am NOT telling you this because I think your son does but because they had, well, my eldest in particular, the most violent meltdowns and I use my control and restraint training to secure them!)

There's really nothing you can do except damage limitation.

And no emotional response. No attempting to engage. Once he's tantrumming, the time for distraction has passed and any attempt to placate will result in him doing some maths that you REALLY don't want him to do, which is tantrum = my own way.

There's very little that needs to be done that can't be delayed. And if it can't, then you have to learn the fine art of wrestling a tantrumming toddler into a pushchair. If you're out and he starts, stay calm and wait it out. I think people feel more under pressure to 'sort it out' if they're in public. But I say bugger all the judgypants. Children have tantrums.

oh, that first bit was a suggestion on how to shift him without getting your face messed up, btw, in case that wasn't clear!

So last night when it was bedtime - he was going to kick off as he'd decided he didn't want to go up. What could I have done differently? I'm not weak but it's really difficult to carry him when he's like that. Vicar do you have access to child size handcuffs??

X posts with hec

What would he do if you went upstairs and left him downstairs alone? Would he follow you up after some minutes? particularly if you turned the lights off

I'm just wondering if there's a way you can make him go upstairs by going into your bedroom and doing something in there for a bit?

Thsnks for replying. If I went upstairs he'd just kick off and stay there. He'd throw all the shoes around and kick at the doors (glass!)

Thanks for the suggestions about how to hold him. I think the best thing I can do is damage limitation.

i sometimes think that holding a paddying toddler is
a)easier said than done and
b) can prolong the tantrum. - my eldest is also autistic btw, so i can see where that advice is coming from, but surely the easiest thing to do would be to leave him where he is, or lift him to a clear space, drop him there and let him go for it to his hearts content.
he cant tantrum violently for ever. it has to subside at some point....thats when you pounce!
i would make sure that shoes/breakables are moved and let him burn himself out. you dont have to vanish completely. just ignore. if he goes to kick the glass doors you could stand guard, just dont shout, stay calm, just dont be in the very same space, walk away and get on with something else while keeping an eye on saftey - have you actually tried going away to another room and seeing what he does?
sometimes with no audience they find it all a bit pointless!
thats what i did anyway. mine are now 20 and 14. Plenty of times i simply stepped over a screaming toddler and buggered off to another room or to get on with sorting washing etc....
i think the more you react, the more reaction you will get because there is reward in reaction.
give it a go and see if its any worse.

But she's talking about bedtime. I used to leave mine to get on with it too, during the day. But if they won't go up to bed - or anywhere where they have to go, you can't always wait for them to finish and then have another go. Sometimes you have to pick them up, secure them and transport them, and then let them carry on with it

I have failed to secure them and have the broken nose to prove it

Ouch!

Yes I can definitely make safe and ignore when appropriate. My difficulty is when I do need to be somewhere. The bedtime battle on Sunday was going to be a battle whenever I did it. Not that bedtimes are difficult per se, but once the 2 worlds collide we have trouble. So I needed him to come upstairs to bed. He refused.

Yes. There are times when only a Grab & Go will do.

Well, it taught me a lesson. Always make sure you're out of reach of a sudden head butt

Grab and go toddler

I recommend the Rugby Ball to transport the bundle of fury

hold them sideways under your armpit, head and arms in front, wriggling legs behind, minimises/reduces direct impacts on you

I feel for you, my tantrumming offspring days are far behind me but I remember them all too well

Thankyou. Grab and go rugby style. Makes good sense.

hold them facing away from you, or the little buggers bite!

If you do need to restrain always hold the middle of the arm not the joints as they can damage themselves. Turn your legs sideways to avoid shin kicks. Does he have a consequence that he has agreed with you 'if you don't go to bed nicely you know you will loose your telly time tommorow' gives them a chance to re think the idea.
Hopefully he will out grow it soon.

I really appreciate these techniques.

He doesn't really understand consequences yet. Almost but not quite. I do praise the positive though.

I think it's just a case of managing him when we need to be somewhere but otherwise he can just tantrum and be ignored. And yes - I have apologised to people at playgroup and asked them to step round him. I don't really trouble myself about public judging. Luckily!

Bedtime isn't actually a problem really. He was great tonight, and there was many opportunities for drama.