worried about dd putting hands over her ears and other social issues

[whysogrumpy]

Dd is 5 and I am worried about some aspects of her behaviour.

She has always beem pretty advanced verbally and especially enjoyed talking to adults - at length. She is our eldest and didn't go to pre-school so I thought this was pretty normal.

Since starting YR she has struggled to make friends and still hasn't really gelled with anyone in her class. Having said that, she quite enjoys school (though is disappointed that they don't talk much about her interests - history and science stuff ) and her teacher says there is no problem and she is quietly confident in her opinion. She has recently been talking a lot about a girl in Y2 she seems to be spending lunchtimes with so I am hopeful about that friendship developing but would love her to have a friend in her class.

She does play with other children in playgrounds but I have noticed she still tends to talk 'at' them and this can put them off. Although most children have clearly caught up with verbally she still seems a lot more vocal about her intersts than other children her age. However, sometimes something does seem to click with child we meet and she will have a great time playing. Just wish it would happen for her at school...

Anyway, she mentioned to me last week that they had watched a dvd at lunchtime as it was raining and that it had been so noisy in the room that she had hated it and put her hands over her ears. I told dh and he said he has seen her do that at a couple of other places - soft-play etc. I should mention though that sometimes she will throw herself into soft-play, other times it's beem a waste of money and she's hated it - found it overwhelming.

Anyway, sorry for the waffle but should I be worried? She does seem to be apart from her peers and I have been on the verge of posting about this before but then we will take her out and she will have a good time but then something else will happen and I'll worry again . Would just like to hear what others think of this. I suppose I'm worrying that she could be mildly autistic or something as she doesn't seem to 'get' her peers - or they her.

My Dd3 has a dx of autistic spectrum disorder, she does some of the things you talk about. Her reaction to streesful situations is extreme though. When she first started school she really couldnt cope with the noise and lunchtimes were particularly bad she often became so distressed that she vomitted. She also had massive tantrums at that age.

I would never dream of dx'ing someone elses child but what i would say is that girls with autism are often missed because they are often passive at school and are able to hide their difficulties.

If you are really concerned you should see your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Also join us on the special needs children board for more advice and support.

Good luck and remember whatever happens she is your lovely little girl. .

There are lots of reasons why a child may struggle socially and dislike noise - including no real reason at all, lol

Here's a fairly good list of ASD traits if after reading that, you're more worried rather than reassured, then go to your GP for a referral to be assessed.

I was exactly like this when I was little - I can really relate to the noise thing. I was in floods of tears on a daily basis when we were moved from our classroom to the main hall for lunch, and I hated noisy parties etc. I'm NT, as far as I know - I was just considered sensitive!

I just think 5 is so little and the world must still seem a huge and scary place at times. Added to that, I hate noisy places now, always have - especially nightclubs. It doesn't seem an unreasonable position!

I'm not being dismissive of serious issues like autism, but I do think there is a rush to label children these days, which causes a lot of worry for parents. Your DD sounds absolutely lovely, by the way.

I think you are wrong about people rushing to "label" children.

It has taken 3.5 years to get my Dd3's issues recognised and a change of school to enable her to get the support she needs. My Dd1's needs were never addressed at school as has happened with other members of my family.

Undiagnosed developmental issues such as Asd can ruin peoples lives and lead to isolation and depression.

I dont see a diagnosis as a label i see it as a signpost which points us and everyone else involved with Dd3 in right direction in order to support her.

If you do decide to seek proff help, remember this. It will take a long time, you can stop the process at any time and you do not have to tell anyone the outcome if you dont want to.

As a parent of a child with a diagnosis of autism I can assue you that there really isnt any 'rush' to label children these days!

A diagnosis is not easy to come by, it took 5 yrs after bringing my concerns to school/health care professionals attention before he was diagnosed...nothing rushed about that!

A diagnosis is not a label, its recognition of symptoms and putting a name to them and is necessary if you are to access the help and support your child will need.

If a child had symptoms of diabetes and was then diagnosed, would anyone say 'ooh they are in such a rush to label kids with diabetes these days' no, of course they wouldnt, it would be accepted without question.

Why do people find things like autism so hard to accept?

OP

I second what Ineedalife said, speak to your GP and ask for a referal to developmental paed...and definitely come over to the special needs board!

Special needs board

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone at all. I do agree that there is also a problem of missed symptoms, a struggle to get diagnosed. In many ways this makes it even harder for parents, because it puts even more pressure on us to be hyper-aware of every possible problem - HVs and GPs miss a lot, and/or are ill-informed.

I don't think I am expressing myself very well at all, but imo the OP's daughter sounds fine. It goes without saying that I am not an expert, so obviously seek a professional opinion!

I don't have any children (with ASD or otherwise) but I'm studying to become an SLT.

I would talk your concerns through with your GP, if nothing else it will put your mind at rest :)
The difficulty in interacting with children her own age, the "talking at" and strong sense of things that she's interested in, and the advanced language acquisition would be things that are really worth mentioning..

Please remember that most symptoms have conditions that go alongside them though, so try not to worry until you've spoken to someone. Hope this helps!

Op, shame you didnt come back. I hope we didnt frighten you off.

Good luck.

Thank you very much for all the replies . You haven't scared me off- well, maybe a little, but I have been busy with the dc all day and, tbh, have been keen to stop dh seeing this as we have discussed this a few times and he thinks I am being ridiculous.

Anyway, I have had a look at thehelpful link (I have looked at similar before) and have also looked on the SN board a bit and, tbh, I'm as confused as ever.

Hardly any of the symtoms on the link fit dd really. Yes, she does seem to find more common ground with older children but we are only talking a couple of years. When she was 2/3 she used to talk 'at' any random adult as most of her peers at that age had nowhere near her language skills, but, thinking about it, she has really stopped that and now clearly WANTS to play with children. She CAN play with those her own age but, yes, I do come back to her lack of friendship in her class. Her teacher, as I said, doesn't see a problem and neither does dh (sahd - does all school stuff and playground after.)

Obsessions - yes, she does seem to have different interests from her peers and they do seem more suited to slightly older children. However, she does 'play' with her interests and has a fantastic imagination. As an example, she loves anything to do with Ancient Egypt and knows the names of several gods and goddesses. She turns her cuddly toys into them using animal masks and gets them shopping using bread as money - so age appropriate stuff just slightly unusual topic for her age? None of the girls in her class have heard of Ancient Egypt and are just into Hello Kitty and cats (according to her) so not sure if she's just a bit rigid in the fact that she will not adapt to like what they like - is that a symtom in itself?

Btw, she has a range of interests and does love CBeebies, Ice Age fillms, Scooby Doo as well - so not just fixated on one topic. I think she does impress some family members/friends with her vocabulary/knowledge of the world but I'm pretty sure those people would think I'm nuts if they read this as they think she's great.

The only other thing that struck a chord was rages as she does have them over what seem like relatively minor issues. However, they certainly don't last all day and we don't plan our lives around them in anyway as they are pretty dramatic but brief.

I have always thought she was very empathetc - she has always been very caring (unless her stuff is messed with ) with her little brother and loves stories. She came out of class in tears at Christmas because they had watched 'The Snowman' and she finds the ending too sad!

Despite all this, I do get very anxious about her and just can't shake off the feeling that something could be wrong. Just seems like a very big step to go to the doctor and dh will refuse anyway .

whysogrumpy, you sound like a great mum with a bright girl.
I think lots of us, children & adults exhibit some autistic features, especially in anxiety.

Autistic spectrum is just that, a spectrum & we are all on it!
watch & wait, dont worry.

Hmmmm. I would never ignore that gut feeling. It's also true that children on the autistic spectrum can be too sensitive in all sorts of ways.

However, I do think perhaps something for the moment is to launch a real campaign to make her some friendships. Go and see the teacher again and ask for her support in this and her ideas as to who might be a good match for her as a friend. Focus on one or two and invite them round out of school (separately) - with the parents if they prefer, in fact that's even better. Be very directive on these playdates - make them short, and make sure you have plenty of activities and things on the go that you supervise, so that you can kind of coach your dd through it (at this age, you will probably need to coach both girls) on how to be a friend. Cooking, board games, you know the drill.

If your dh would go with this I would also be open with the teacher and say that you have sometimes wondered whether your dd might have a few social issues, and do they have any support services visiting the school who might be willing to meet with your daughter? E.g. ds's school has a Special Needs Advice and Support Teacher (I think) who can give initial advice about any child (I think). You never know what's out there until you ask. I know a parent who particularly wishes she had not relied on the reassurances of one teacher, who though lovely is inexperienced, and had got going with accessing support earlier. This doesn't mean you have to initiate a full-on paediatric assessment straight away IMO.