When did you decide you didn't want another child

[Morph2]

I have one DS nearly 2. I am 38 so had him late in life although DP and i have been together since i was 20. DP is older than me and turned 50 last year. We both abolutely adore DS and generally have a really good time with him (there is the usual up and downs but i would say the last 2 years have been the happpiest of my life).

I've always thought i'd like two children and to a certain extent still would. DP is not keen, mainly due to his age as i think it is probably more tiring the older you are and he does find things tiring although he wouldn't change DS for the world.

I work 3 days and my mum (60) has DS the 3 days i work. She has mentioned in passing (not in any way to try and put me off) that she doesn't think she could cope with 2 so if i had another the child care would be more complicated.

DS is quite a lively toddler (compated to other toddlers of the same age i've met) and can be hard work, he the type of kid you have to be out and about with doing stuff, but that suits me at the minute and we have some really good times out.

I'm torn between wanting another and then thinking if i had two and ended up with another lively one like DS then it would take all the enjoyment out of parenting DS. I don't want to end up with 5 years being a blur and then they are at school.

At the minute i'm towards not wanting another and just enjoying DS but then again its the age thing and the biological clock tick tocking.

It doesn't help when you're out and about and every one is always asking when are you having another

We knew we didn't want another pretty much as soon as dd was born, but that was more because her pregnancy and birth were quite traumatic. I've also always wanted to adopt, so that is a future potential option, although now our children are 13 and 11 we are looking forward to independence again, so I'm not sure that will happen now.

People say dumb things all the time - unless you have one of each they tend to assume you must want more, until they decide you have 'too many' and then you get comment about that instead.

After DD was born I was completely sure I didn't want another, birth and motherhood were such a shock to the system and I coped very badly in the early days and so DH and I decided not to go through it again...but I was an only, and desperately lonely at times, and now I'm an adult feel a lot of pressure from being the only daughter of parents who are becoming more dependant on me as they get older. So now we have a scrumptious DS too, whose first two years I have found SO much easier than dd's, probably because he was my second and I am less 'scared' of him and doing it all wrong as I was with DD. There is a 4 year gap between them, as I would NEVER have coped with 2 close together in age! :o

It's a very personal thing though, and I know plenty of onlies who LIKED having no siblings and plenty with siblings who dont get on at all, so think both options have advantages and disadvantages. For me it's when they are wrapped in a duvet giggling with one another or playing happily together or when one cuddles the other in a moment of comfort or spontaneous affection that makes it all worthwhile, it really is heart meltingly lovely!

I have 2, and whilst I'm not 100% against the idea of another (my DH 100% wants one) I feel like I've 'done my bit' now and I'm quite happing sticking to 2. Its hard work. I'm nearly 38 so whilst I'm not 'old' by todays standards, I feel like I want my life back. Having 2 is expensive, and both of them were (are - youngest is 2) extremely active toddlers. Thankfully DS1 (5) has calmed down now. I love DS2 more than life, but I have to admit its a relief when I can take him to nursery and go to work (I work 3.5 days)
If I had another, everything would change dramatically. I would have to become a SAHM because there would be no point in my working with the childcare costs involved. I would hate this - I'd have to wait another 5(ish) years before I could return to the workplace and I'm not up for that. The more I think about it, the less I want another one. I've never felt broody in my life, and whilst I dont have an 'only child' I was an only child and I was perfectly happy without 'friends in house' so to speak. I would have been happy to stop at one (DS2 happy accident!)

personally, I've just turned 40 and have a much longed-for 2 and a half year old DS who is absolute the light of my life... but I decided not to have another 2mins after the most terrible life-threatening week-long terrifyingly complicated birth!! seriously, we had such an awful birth that the pair of us said "never again", it was a real near-miss in terms of the worst that can happen. I don't think you HAVE to be in a big family to have fun, I know plenty of siblings who don't get along, my DS has cousins near in age, he's a very happy child and I just make light of it and tell people "I remember childbirth too well" if they ask when I'm having another :)

As I was giving birth to dd2, I was thinking, it's okay I won't have to do this again. I knew we weren't having any more after no 3 before she was even conceived, but I knew I didn't want to just before the moment of birth. And it was a good labour and delivery, just I got the absolute feeling of "I'm done with this".

I always thought that I would have 3, however, I have decided to stop at two boys as they are more than I can handle at the moment. I think that it is OK to have just one child. To be honest, two will change your world considerably and it is unlikely be peaceful.

thanks for the comments. OP was made after a few glasses of wine last night so perhaps abit sentimental. Had a lovely day out with DS this morning at a local park, now he's sleeping peacfully, DP is reading paper and i'm on computer.