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Am I just a rubbish mum?

2 replies

utterlyplump · 21/04/2012 23:14

DD is driving me insane lately. She is 8yo and has become very cheeky and loves to argue with me any chance she gets.

I have had issues with the way she behaves when we have have company-she can be a real show off and likes to push boundaries when she thinks I won't be worried about keeping her in check.

Today I could've died with embarrassment at the way she 'performed' when a tradesman came over to give me a quote. She was interrupting every five mins, was very cheeky in front of the poor man and gave the impression she rules and reigns the house and all in it.

I waited until he had gone and I had stopped seething and told her it wasn't on and sent her to her room.

Trouble is as soon as I relent she completely forgets what's gone before and is back to thinking all is well. Trouble is the more she does this the longer it takes me to recover from being very cross with the.

This evening we are watching TV and she insists on talking the whole way through the programme. I feel I cannot even sit quietly without having to answer her every question and then when I answer she tells me I'm wrong anyway!

Putting her to bed is a nightmare. She will try every trick in the book to stretch it out and will invent ailments, reasons and excuses to buy more time. 9/10 times she will be back down the stairs for one reason or another.

I'm starting to feel like I just don't like being around her anymore.

I hate myself for feeling this way but I just feel like a tightly coiled spring that will go at any given moment too often for my liking.

She seems to have a cast iron will and simply listens to nothing I say unless I am very sharp with her. I feel I need to be this way to get a response but surely no one can live like this indefinitely?

I'm divorced and she sees ex-hb often. He is not supportive of these issues as she doesn't behave like this with him and if I ever do bring it up he will put it down to me being inconsistent with my boundaries or spoiling her etc etc. In short he is her dad when he has her and the rest is up to me.

I decided to type this because after a day of her back chat, complaining and disobedience I almost smacked her when she ignored a simple question. I left the room to calm down and told her I needed to be alone for a few minutes. After going back in to tuck her in she asked me for a cuddle after I gave her her goodnight kiss and I'm sad to say I rejected her. I couldn't cuddle anyone I was cross with and on this occasion she was no exception.

I'm starting to feel this is going to be my life on a daily basis-when I am only near feeling relaxed when she is asleep and I am alone. It doesn't sound like much of a life.

Whilst everyone else enjoys being around their DC's I have to say it's the last thing I feel like doing more often than not and the very thought is enough to bring tears to my eyes.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Zakinthos · 21/04/2012 23:29

It sounds like she is desperate for some attention. Hopefully someone will be along soon with some more advice soon. Just thought I would reply as your post made me feel sad for you. I would try spending 20 mins at the end of the day doing whatever she wants with her, such as playing a board game, arts and crafts activity, etc. Was the television programme she kept interrupting suitable for an 8 year old? If she didn't understand it, she would be likely to interrupt and ask questions. You also sound a bit depressed and may need a chat with your gp. Good luck :)

Molehillmountain · 22/04/2012 10:45

I felt many of the things you describe with dd1, 6. I have had to make an effort to do the exact opposite of what I wanted to do, which was spend more time alone with her. We manage a time on Saturday morning where it's just me, her and 9 month old dd2, and I try to always be the one to read to her at night. I think she'll always be a bit of a challenge-she's the first so it's all always new. Things are much better and I enjoy the sat mornings (only an hour and a half ish) although making some of that time having a coffee in a cafe makes it more appealing on the tough, tired days Wink. You're an honest mum, and you will get through this. Love for your children is more than the fuzzy feelings that make you want to kiss them. It's the time you spend with them and the cuddles you give them when you'd rather be in a darkened room staring at a blank wall! I think, anyway.

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