My 7 year old has turned into a rude, back chatting brat

[twoplusthree]

He was always the dc i could rely on to behave well. However, last school report says he's talking a lot at school and not stopping when told off. At home he has started being rude, sullen and back chatting me. I tell him off and explain how he should behave, but it makes no difference - probably makes him more stroppy. He forgets please and thank you when out and i am starting to feel like he needs a behavioral overhaul but not sure where to start. Please give me your ideas.

Sounds like his age! Probably a mix of copying behaviour from other children and the types of programmes the kids watch now (I can't stand all the smart back chatting in these).

DS tried it on with me (gets smart in public) but I just took him to one side and asked him if he really wanted my to tell him off like a toddler in front of all the grown ups and his friends?

Grandma is great too - she is very much into children with good manners and is always telling him to listen to mummy and daddy and to be polite.

It's hard I know all too well. You have to give him what he needs, pure undiluted routine and discipline. It wont change his attitude overnight and if anything like my own dc then it will change until it suddenly returns without warning. Sometimes it seems tiredness or hunger has an affect and so you can read the warning signs and avert trouble but IME it is not just that simple all the time. TV doesn't help - look at the attitudes they keep displaying, even when funny it still gives mixed experiences to children.

Oh yes, it will take time - DS needed a few 'tellings' to stop being so bratty.

What sort of consequences do you give for the back chatting etc.? I don't want to tell him off all the time, but feel like i have been recently.

I generally remind him that he is being cheeky or rude, and that this isn't the correct way to behave. In a normal tone 'I'm sure you have just forgotten/got over excited/didnt mean to be so rude...'. If it continues, I take him aside and tell him that I will give him a big telling off in front of whiever it is that he is trying to impress. Most times, it is him trying to show off in front of friends or other adults. The threat of being told off like a naughty toddler does the trick.

Agree where it is showing off in front of friends, a quiet warning that if they continue they will be told off big time. When dd (also 7) does her little madame routine I tell her that she is going to bed 10 minutes early each time I have to remind her to behave and she would hate her friends to think she had to go to bed earlier than them.

She and I also have 10 minutes together at bedtime where I tell her the next installment in a long running story saga. She really enjoys this and spends time thinking up new characters and plots. If she is cheeky, this does not happen.

Finally, my dcs like being around people. If they are cheeky to me I pointedly down tools, make a cup of coffee and remove myself to another room with a book. I stay there conspicously relaxing and not engaging until they come and apologise. Have never found it takes too long, but I still make sure I stay and finish my coffee. This works really well - I calm down, no shouting and the dcs always know what they have done.

I suppose it depends on how long this has been going on. You make it sound like it has been some time, and he is relentless even if you have warned him when he is in front of his friends and other adults.

I have a 7 year old who has shown some of this. After a period of warnings followed up with punishments, I think the key is to stop pussy-footing around here. He knows what he's doing. He's not 2. He's 7.

So... what I would do:

1. No more warnings. He mouths off, you dress him down, sharply, in front of anyone, anywhere. You must not be afraid or ashamed if people "look". Too bad. The key is that HE must know that he cannot seek protection in the company of other people.

1. After you've told him off, you say, "Sorry everyone, we have to go." And you put him in the car, go straight home, and stick him in a chair for and hour or two. Yes... an hour or two. I am not a big fan of this "few minutes of time out" stuff. That is nonsense. A 7 year old will happily be a total jerk if all it's going to cost him is 10 minutes in a chair.

If his behavior causes an immediate halt to whatever activity was going on, and ends up with him in a chair looking at a wall for 2 hours, he will think very carefully about how he opens his mouth.

1. When he's NOT being bad, have calm discussion with him about what you expect, and what other people will think of him if they see him acting so rude, how people will not want to be around him, or be friends with him. How other kids' parents won't want him over to play with their children when they see how he acts.

The time to do this is when he's calm and behaving, not in the middle of a punishment, when he will just tune you out and ignore you.

I really think that #2 is the one where parents usually falter. They don't want to interrupt a family outing, or a much-needed trip to the supermarket, so they put up with the brat to get through it and then get him home. NO! He will quickly figure that out. Once he realizes that in those situations, all you will do is warn him and maybe punish him later, he will take advantage. He must get a clear message that his behavior will be sharply and instantly punished, anytime, anywhere.