My DD is obsessed with death..... Worrying or completely normal!

[Tobermory]

At the mo DD, nearly 5, is completely focused on death and dying. Today she talked to her teacher and the other children at the childminder about dying- herself.

Because both my parents have died - before she was born - she was always been aware of death. We have always said her grandparents had died - but in a more child friendly way. Recently though, the last week she has been increased focused on death.
Asking when people - me, her dad, she will die. Asking if you can b alive after you have died. Over the last few days she has sobbed uncontrollably because she 'doesn't want to die mummy' and no amount of reassurance makes it better.

I am hoping this is just a form of attention seeking. She's recognised it as a way of getting extra cuddles.....staying up later than she otherwise would. But what if it's not.....what if it's more than that?!

Just wondering if this morbid ness is a phase...or something ore worrying and would appreciate opinions.

Normal. DS did this at about same age- not that long ago, he is 5.5 now. He didn't do the crying thing but he did keep going on about death for a while, it's a bit freaky isn't it, but I guess it's there way of coming to terms with it, as far as you can when you are 5- it's probalby the first time they've realised it exists (?). I remember DS asking me in the car "Mummy, when's your last birthday?" Try answering that one.........

I just talked about it in straightforward way as possible and answered questions appropriately (I hope).

This is normal.

Or at least I hope it is as DS has a similar obsession.

Your DD is dealing with a really big issue. What seems like obsession is merely her desire to understand. She is 5yrs old. She is doesn't understand social mores regarding death. All she knows is her own experience.

So she is ignorant of or ignoring social convention in order to learn and understand. Good for her. And good for you for teaching her to question and discuss experiences that impact her. Just answer her questions, don't make a big deal out of them and allow her to reach her own understanding.

When I read your thread title I thought bet the dc is about 5.
I know that may not seem like any consolation but it's perfectly normal.
At that age they are finally aware of the finality of death and what it means.
My dc and all my friends dc have done the same thing and asked all the questions around the same age.
It's so hard to talk about as an adult but I've found the best way is just to answer any questions in an age appropriate way.
It does pass though it's difficult at the time.

It's normal I think, they have no sense of what's upsetting to us & will cry over the wrong colour tights or what happens to them when they die with no sense of relative importance.

My dd was hugely thoughtful & quiet for a few days after my GM died & wouldn't tell me what was on her mind.

I was so worried she was focusing on something morbid & it turned out I had told her the body was in the coffin & she was wondering to herself where did the arms & legs go!

So if you explain calmly the answers to any of her questions I think she will eventually take on board that this isn't something to be too worried about.

X-posted with lots of really good answers - & my dd was 5 as well when she was questioning this too!

Our lovely old dog died recently and my smaller dd who is nearly 5, has been very concerned that I might die before her ("I don't want you to die before me Mama, I would miss you too much " ) She has asked a lot of questions and is mentioning death more. Hard to deal with, for you, but normal.

Thank you everyone for your reassuring posts. V glad to hear that's it's a common occurrence and pretty normal.

I was worried that my own issues over death had somehow transferred themselves to her.....but maybe not!

Don't worry. We all have issues over death . It's part of being human.

my DD is 4 and she has just entered this phase!! the other day it was "mummy, when the cats are dead can we have a dog?" Had to then explain that the cats are 9 and 3 and might still have a way to go yet :)

normal (I hope - although I've had this conversation with other mums) - ds (4) told me today that the world is going to end in 25 yrs but he's a bit worried about it because he doesn't want to die and I'm not allowed to die ever unless I'm very old and there is a very good reason
Easter presented a bit of a problem explaining how Jesus can come back from the dead but not everyone else...
ds1 at that age used to ask questions about stuff he'd hear on the news, wars are a still big interest especially when soliders have been killed and are exhausting conversations for me!
We've had to buy books about death, aimed at children who've suffered bereavment because I've run out of answers at times.

oh gosh, what a timely post. My DD who is 3.3 is talking about death a lot and not only do I feel guilty, but I don't know how to deal with it.

When she was a baby it was discovered I was ill, and for a while it did look as though I didn't have much time. Fortunatly things are looking much more rosey, but she has been to many hospital appointments with me in her short life. We didn't think my cancer had adversley affected her, but now I am wondering, and I don't know who to ask. We have moved so don't have my wonderful GP and health visitor who saw us through the worst of it.

She loves cats but can't have one because her Dad has allergies. So she has a photo of my childhood cat by her bed, she keeps talking about when it died, how it died.

I am an athiest (although we go to church with her, another thread entirely!) so I don't want to start on about heaven, although her Dad, caught offguard has mentioned it. One grandad has died, and a tree was planted on his ashes, so she thinks that grandad is now a tree.

SO, have I messed her up by having cancer when she was a baby and not dealing with it AND how do I approach death now?

Passivehoovering.... How do you hoover passively BTW?! Sorry to hear about your illness when your DD was tiny but glad to hear things are better now.

Im the OP.
A week ago when my DD asked 'are you alive after you die' my first reaction was to tell the truth - as I sometimes see it- NO. She was obviously thinking a lot about by and being scared by the finalty of death. I thought I should be honest with her.

Now I've changed my mind.

I've had a long chat with her teacher and am now going to be reassuring more than factually correct. I'm not going to lie but also don't think she needs definities. I believe that there is some thing after and can see already that my DD feels massively reassured by "it'll be fine, well all be together".

I don't think you'll have 'messed her up' as you put it. The possibly difficult experiences she had when you were I'll will have been outweighed by the positives you've given her since. Don't you think?