That's it I can't stand another meal time - really need advice!

[tibster]

I can not face having another meal time with my 2.5 year old DD. I am at my wits end with her eating habits, or lack of eating! She has steadily got worse as she gets older, so the waiting for her to grow out of it is just not going to happen. She is just a terrible eater and totally refuses to eat pretty much anything. She has never eaten a piece of fruit, the only way I can get her to eat fruit is if it is pureed. I have tried everything I can think of,ignoring the lack of eating, encouraging every mouth full she takes, getting her to copy older DS, giving stickers or treats if she eats, getting cross, bribes, threats, any a million other things. None of them have worked and I am now at the stage where I get so stressed at supper time that the end of the day is horrible, I find I am getting snappy at DS who is a brilliant eater and it's just taking it's toll. So I have to get some help, to find out what I can do to make her eating habits improve. Does anyone have any suggestions, do you think a child nutritionist would help?
Thanks

Check out this link and good luck!

life.familyeducation.com/toddler/behavioral-problems/41736.html

Try not to get angry about it as it's normal for toddlers to be fussy about foods this age.

Have you tried involving her in cooking? Try making 'healthy' muffins e.g. Blueberry, banana, carrot, courgette, ham and cheese etc.

Or even involve her in the planning of meals. That might make her a bit more interested in food.

Good luck.

Get this book.

Is she losing weight? If so take her to the doctor to rule out any physical problems.

Is it a recent thing or has she always been like this?

Does she have all her teeth because my ds who is not a good eater is getting some teeth through - takes him ages and during which he is even worse than normal with food (also on pureed fruit!).

I'd give her what you know she will eat alongside whatever you are all eating and let her get on with it. You said yourself you have tried millions of things and none has succeded in making her eat more. You have found that you can't control her eating.

Tibster, I empathise as I have DTs who are very, very fussy eaters and it is traumatic. I don't have a magic bullet but have found the less I worry the better they are and they have got better from after 2.5 so it's not too late for your daughter. I don't think you can magic up a cure but I think you can try to make it not ruin your life by relaxing about it as much as possible and avoiding embarrassing situations with friends / family etc. Good luck!

ok she is only 2.5 this can be a fussy age, you say you have tried everything, well STOP, just make mealtimes a normal not event, sit down to eat togther give her a SMALL portion of whatever she is having then you and your ds and dh? sit and eat, if she eats great if not NO COMMENT, at the end of the meal take away her plate end off! if she eats, say 'thankyou for sitting and eating nicely' or something simple like that, do the same to ds.

try and involve her in shopping ,food prep and cooking where you can.

at this age she will still need snacks before meals, i would keep them simple and not within an hour before a meal time unless you have to.

you need to relax a bit, she wont starve herself, get her checked by hv/gp if you are worried, but take the stress out of mealtimes, dont let it become a battle if she eats it great, if not no big deal, but nothing else after dinner, does she have milk before bed? that would be my exception.

i remember one great hv saying to me your job is to provide a healthy balanced diet, it is NOT your job to make them eat it, only they can do that so once you have provided food you have done your bit!

btw with the SMALL portion if she eats it all and asks for more then thats great, i often find that works better, they can be daunted by big servings so just small amounts but they can have extra if they want to, again putting them in control a bit.

anway that has always been our take on mealtimes, we all sit andfood is there, we chat and have a nice mealtime but if they dont eat, they dont eat and its ignored/simply not commented on other than a 'never mind maybe you will feel more like eating another time' or simply 'are you all done? i will take your plate away then'

its REALLY hard not to get wound up, resort to bribery etc but i dont find any of that helps.

I would agree with what everyone says above. You need to take the stress and pressure out of meals for your sake as much as hers. In my experience the whole "don't comment just leave them to it" approach is not a magic answer though (am not saying anyone in here is saying it is, just that I have seen it recommended on here so many times that I stupidly thought it would be!). But it's what we do and it just makes everything less stressful - he still doesn't eat though (my 3 year old that is - has improved since 2.5 though).
I think a child nutritionist is unlikely to be of help - there will be no magic way to make her eat all of a sudden - in my experience anyway - this fussiness may be a phase but it's a bloody long one (since weaning and still waiting for him to grow out of it). I did speak to hv about it when he was 1 and at his worst and they told me not to worry and to do all the stuff you see recommended on here on fussy eating threads (and at that stage he ate literally only puréed fruit, bananas, cheese yoghurt and rice cakes!)

no it doesnt make them eat, but saves you getting worked up about it!

my ds4 is just four and has been a picky thing with his food, just this week he wanted a kinder egg for his dinner! i said he could sit nicely and eat his dinner AND then have the kinder egg! he sat at the table for 40mins arms folded sulking and refused to even pick up his fork! we all sat eating our dinner (had two relatives visiting as well as myself and the 5 kids) so at the end of dinner i simply asked him if he was finished and took his plate away, he then went to bed without eating. interestinlgy the next day he wanted a muller rice at dinner time, same response, dinner first and then you can have it if you sit and eat nicely. he sat and ate his dinner just fine!

ignoring is not a miracle cure by any means but if you bribe, cajole and get into battles you are making it harder for yourself nad essentially rewarding them with attention for not eating.

can you write a list of the things/meals she WILL eat? sometimes it helps to make a list, they can be eating a bit more than you realise and it can be a comfort, or someone on here may be able to suggest a recipe or two following on from a couple of the things/type of foods she does like... worth a try... :) my DS is 2.5 also and is pretty picky, and in terms of fruit mine will only eat banana and raisins, and not much of those, so I also give him a 'strawberry milkshake' to get an extra portion of fruit in and make it sound like a treat (fresh strawberry smoothie and milk! no additives) and he wolfs that down.

How is her weight? If she is a healthy weight I would do what 5 suggested with food you know she likes.

Ohhhhhh yes. My DS age 2.6 is exactly the same, has been since weaning. The 'eat this or starve' route does not work with him as he will eat nothing day after day unless it is on his yes-list. At nursery he mostly eats nothing but bread and fruit all day.

I have all but given up, but feel like you about mealtimes and hate having to eat a main meal with him, if I'm honest, as it's never enjoyable. He just whinges and whines and pushes it away but sometimes comes back to it after a while (when it is stone cold/congealed!) And god help me if I try and put anything 'new' on his plate.

I go through times of getting cross/upset/stressed but most of the time I now feed him what he will eat (although he is dropping foods too) and try and encourage him to try what I'm eating (he never does). If he doesn't eat his mood is much worse so I figure it's better to get something into him even if it's just yoghurt. When he is older I hope to be able to reason with him a bit but right now it seems a case of riding it out.

This thread is great:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/1353317-The-incredibly-fussy-eaters-thread

Phone your local community paediatrics team or get your GP onto it. Ask to be referred (in some areas you can self refer) to their behavioural feeding clinic or team. You probably wont change what she eats that much, but the team can help you and your LO feel a lot less stressed about mealtimes