painfuly shy

[Tomali]

My 8 years old son is getting increasingly shy to the extent that he is not making any friends in his new class this year. always alone in the playground. he resorts to playing his own games in his own head which can make him look odd.
I am considering taking him to a child psychoterapist. Any suggestions?

Tomali, I don't really know what to suggest. I was so painfully shy at school so I really feel for him. Actually have quite alump in my throat! for me it was worse when someone picked up on the fact (I used to blush terribly too). I did have some friends as I'm sure he will have if you ask him, he probably just finds it difficult to approach established groups/games.

I'm very outgoing now but am still shy in large groups of people I don't know, I eventually learnt how to fake confidence and now it comes naturally. I'm sure he will grow out of it.

As I said I don't know what would have helped me at that age but I really would love to be able to give you a magic cure. I'm praying my own shild isn't as shy as I was.

the only upside is the few friends that I did have at his age... are still my friends today!

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Good idea but I found it even more difficult when pushed into things I didn't really want to do. Just made me feel even more awkward. Although when participating in my hobbie I was fine so it's a good idea to get involved in groups but only if he enjoys it.

Sympathies from another painfully shy child!

Can you invite some of the children he is friendly with round to tea so they can get to know each other in a more familiar setting for your DS?

Me too, as shy as they come. I wish they had had stagecoach when I was small, as I think it might have helped me.

You don't need to push him Tomali, just take him along and see if he likes it once he gets used to it.

I have just logged on to post a qestion about shyness also and the first thing I saw was this thread on the Home page. I dont wish to hijack Tomali's post but might any of you have some advise for me please as well.

My son is only 2 and a half. We've just come home from a birthday party where he had to be carried in and then sat with his eyes screwed up as tightly as possible, hands over his eyes and glued to my lap. I felt so upset for him but didn't know what to do for the best.
He hadn't been to the hall before and didn't know all of the children there but I'm still concerned. Should I be do you think or could it just be a phase?

We go to an art and music group once a week and there he still runs in, cuddles the lady who takes it and makes himself completely at home.
But at a creche that we use once a week at the gym, the ladies did mention to me last week that he would be playing quite happily on his own and another child only had to get about 2/3 feet away from him and he would drop what he was doing, put his hands over his eyes and run to the other side of the room.

Should I be concerned do you think?

McKenzie, is your son like that even with children he is familiar with or just with children he doesn't know?

I have already decided to get my dd into Stagecoach (or similar) ASAP in the hope that it will encourage her.

Mainly with children he doesn't know although today, at a soft play area that he's been to lots of times, he was like it with children that he's known since birth

Does anyone have any experience of stagecoach or any other activities which can help shy children gain confidence as I really think ds needs more support in this area.

Tomali, I was a dreadfully shy child all the way through school and into my teens. I barely spoke at school for years and when I did would go flame red which made me even more nervous about speaking! Looking back I wish someone had given me some help as it took such a lot of effort later in my life to overcome it, even at university! So if you do find something like Stagecoach, why not give it a go? It hurts being shy.