17 meh old tantrums coming out of NOWHERE

[bluebellsanddaffodils]

I'm really puzzled over this one..

My usually jolly DS has started having daily tantrums, over the last 4 weeks or so, which seem to come out of nowhere. They are usually in the house or at nursery (although on a smaller scale), not usually when we're out and about.

He really loses it - it's like he can't cope with the emotion, he gets overwhelmed, and then when he starts crying he gets hysterical and can't stop. Sometimes he holds is breath and goes a funny colour; he begs to be picked up and then thrashes as soon as he's held. He doesn't know what to do with himself and on occasion it's gone on for 45 mins.

My problem is that I can never see a trigger or reason - it's not specifically when I say 'no', or take him away from something he shouldn't be doing. He could just be enjoying a book and then something happens and he melts down. Total mystery.

So what I'm asking is

A) does your toddler (pre terrible-twos) do this?
B) do you know why?
C) how can I manage the tantrums?

It seems to escalate if I ignore him, or place him in his cot - actually, he seems to escalate no matter what.... sometimes taking him outside into the fresh air stops him in his tracks, but it's not always practical to do this.

His Dad works away a lot so there is some confusion and disruption whenever he comes home and whenever he first goes away. He also seems to be getting some separation anxiety at bed time and I'm not sure if that's related to his Dad and grandparents being there and then not being there, and being confused about who looks after him. He really enjoys nursery and bar the odd tantrum (much milder and less common than at home) gets on well with everyone, eats everything put in front of him, naps well and plays well. He's always delighted to arrive there each morning...

Is it just normal 17 meh old boy behaviour that I'm trying to over-analyse?

I would say this is pretty normal behaviour for his age. I was told something a few years ago which has stuck with me. All behaviours are a form of communication, I am now a firm believer in this especially at this age. It could be that he is trying to tell you something but can't.

Ds was the same around that age, I read a lot of threads on here and it seems it is pretty common although not all children do it.

Causes seem to be their desire overtaking their ability ie its just their age. Worse when they are overtired or hungry or overstimulated. So keep snacks on you and be prepared to remove them from a situation if its all getting too much. And it''ll probably be easier when he can communicate so encourage signs or simple words so he can express what he wants/needs.

I'm in the camp of staying with them till they calm down, reassure and trying to distract when appropriate rather than leaving them alone. But if you need time to cool off yourself, better to leave them somewhere safe for a few minutes.

It is stressful especially if you had a contented baby before (I imagine - ds has always been rather highly strung ).

blue-going through this now (DS only 13.5 months). Hard work huh? Last week was particularly bad-just kept screaming and crying for over 1 hour for no (apparent) reason.

Glad to know I'm not the only one.... we'll have to see how he reacts with the imminent arrival of DC2 soon as well!