When everyresponse is "No".....

[Ozziegirly]

My DS is 19 months and has started on the "NO!" phase. I know it'll pass but I wanted some advice on how to deal for the time being.

So, I try (try and often fail) to ask questions that don't give the opportunity for No as an answer (which yogurt would you like (proffering both), shall we wash hands first or have a drink of water) etc etc

But when you do ask a question and they just say no, even if you actually think they mean yes, how do you react?

For example - "would you like another cracker? (his fave) - if he says No, do you just believe him and not give him one?

It's actually quite hard trying to moderate my language the whole time so I don't just get "NO" for everything.

Any advice for getting through this phase?

Don't offer a choice where possible. Sometimes they like saying no for the fun of it, but sometimes its because a choice (even a simple one) is too much for a toddler to think about!

Tell him "it's time to wash hands for lunch" rather than ask him. If he says no, i would say "oh dear, we can't eat our lunch with these dirty hands.let's wash our hands and see who's have the most bubbles"

Also, when I did have to ask, I would take the "no" as their answer sometimes eg "do you want another cracker?" "no!" "ok I will put them away and then we will have a drink"

I tried not to make a big deal about it and would move the conversation on. I always tried to keep it light hearted. The no phase didn't last long. They "why" phase was and still is a pain in the bum at times though!

Well he responds "no" to my (I consider fairly reasonable!) demands/requests at the moment "let's put your shoes on so we can go outside" NO "ok, we'll go outside once you put your shoes on. " GO OUTSIDE" sigh

He is definitely doing it for the fun of it as he looks at me and smiles at the same time - I'm not annoyed, but I kind of think, well, if he says he doesn't want it, then who am I to argue?

I'm quite looking foward to the why phase......

It will go something like this-

You "lets put your shoes on to go out"
Ds "no"
You "ok, we will stay in then. We can't go to the park with no shoes on our feet"
Ds "why"
You "because our feet will get wet"
Ds "why"
You "because there are puddles on the ground"
Ds "why"
You "because it rained last night"
Ds "why"
You "arrrggghhh!" That would be a good time to offer him a mn

Just remembered my friends dd loved saying "why" and used it for the answer to nearly every question for about 6 months!!

My ds2 who's nearly 4 answers "i don't know" to nearly everything at the moment...........

Oh gawd.

I'd limit choices for now too - DS couldn't really cope with them at that stage (but he had a long saying 'yes' to everything phase. We're only on 'no' now at 2.3 y.o.).

I think they're just learning about how language works. Now I can use humorous reverse psychology e.g

DS: Nap no thank you!
Me: What, you don't want a lovely cuddle with Mummy, and a tummy full of nice warm milk, and to wake up feeling refreshed and happy?
DS: Nap yes please!

It wouldn't have worked at as young as 19 months though.

In general I don't negotiate (I now offer choices if I'm prepared to be flexible) and use the 'well, I'm in charge and that's what I've decided to do' line if DS starts trying to argue (along with choices e.g. 'would you like your left shoe on first or your right one?). But again, that wouldn't have worked well for DS six months ago.