Bereavement and babies: Grandpa dying.

[pleasantlyoutofdepth]

Hello all.

My Father in law is likely to pass on any day now, and my DH's family (extremely close and enmeshed) are devastated. My ds is 17m and he's never been around this level of pain and sadness before. We don't live nearby so we are spending quite a lot of time staying with them and I am worried what kind of effect this might have on my little's state of mind. Dh is very sad most of the time and is working away so in the week he disappears and then at the w/e we go up to _shire, where everyone is haemorrhaging grief. My poor ds seems distressed and confused. I am very close to the family and terribly upset myself and so am finding it hard to be the strong, reliable parent for my bewildered son. In fact I have little experience of death at all as I've never lost anyone close to me , so any advice would be very welcome.

Hello pleasantly

I can't say that I really have any advice - but just to offer my support to you at what must be a difficult time. I have just lost my sole surviving parent so am in the process of trying to sort out matters of finance and property which is proving a little frustrating/difficult.
I have a DD of 14 months too, so am juggling various responsibilities.

I can see why DS is upset and confused - but I think that generally children under the age of 3 don't have very long memories for things so in time, he will bounce back. I think that you need to try to find time as a family (you and DH) to spend some quality 'cuddle time' with DS, or just do some things as a 'single' family group. Not in any way to detract from the grief that anyone is experiencing but to ensure that DS has some one-to-one time.

I don't think sheltering children from the certainties of life is helpful, but at the age your DS is, then there is no way for him to comprehend what is going on. My niece and nephew are currently grieving their recently lost grandparent, but were able to visit a short while before GP passed away, and are of an age where they do have an understanding of what has happened.

In time, the good memories far outweigh the bad, and, from my personal (recent) experience, although I am sad for the loss of my parent, to know I can't have a conversation/visit etc. again, I am happy that they are no longer in pain.