Need help with screaming, clingy baby!!

[mammarubyann]

My 4 month old has regular screaming fits if she isn't getting 100% attention from me and already has me wrapped round her little finger. I have just endured 40 minutes of intense crying because she was sat in her seat while I made dinner - I soldiered on regardless feeling like the worse mother in the world while she cried her heart out. The health visitor's words kept popping into my head to haunt me "You really shouldn't leave a baby of this tender age to cry for too long....." But what do you do if you want a life!! At what age do you mums reckon it's Ok to leave a little one crying for a bit? I'm now convinced I've scarred her for life for ignoring her - she really was ballistic!

Distraction worked for me, if she cried when I put her down I sang Old MacDonald or something or brought her to sit near me so she could see what I was doing. At 4 months I had a Bumbo chair which was a godsend.

have 3 boys and slings were the only thing that worked, still use one with my ds3 who is 9 months - he loves it.
bigmamaslings

I spent the first 6/7 months carrying my dd around - until she could sit on her own really. I was told it would make her even more clingy but in fact she is super confident now at 10 months. Slings are greeat - very highly recommended. Also Dr Sears if you need advice on 'baby wearing'.

Thanks to all who have posted messages of help for me! Just got round to reading them all - been a busy 24 hrs or so!! Seems like opinions are divided - I can see both sides of the discussion. Kittyfish's comment about not having a life when you have kids made me smile - I am flying the flag for the 'have a life'argument......but in reality, this is not always easy - cue crying & miserable baby! I'm just beginning to realise that having the life you want & a baby is not always possible & I guess I am rebelling against it a bit! I love my daughter dearly & would walk on hot coals for her of course, but I am finding the crying and constant round-the-clock attention she demands very hard to adjust to (she is my first child). I know I have to accept that she comes first & her wellbeing is of paramount importance to me, so I guess that sometimes I have to stop whatever it is I'm doing that's important to me to attend to her rather than trying to teach her to wait til I've finished - if she's really going off on one & distruaght. Like the suggestion of a high chair with lots of toys. At the mo am using car seat with a few toys attached - but same toys for months so perhaps she could do with a change of scenery.

I think it's important that you make times when she's not in your arms fun so she doesn't feel you have abandoned her to an exile of boredom or something which my lo did I think! She would wail as soon as she sensed I was going to put her down and do the dishes or cook dinner but with singing and toys and my own gradual withdrawal she got used to it. Some babies start separation anxity very early and I really believe it's important to show them as soon as possible that being on their own can be fun and independance is a good thing.
You shouldn't leave her to cry, I agree with that, gradual withdrawal works really well if you start small and work up to leaving her alone ie: put her in her chair and play with her then go across the room and back again then play more, etc over and over gradually making the time you spend on the other side of the room longer as she begins to accept the fact that you will be coming back! Sing a song as you are playing and moving away from her, the sound of mums voice is very theraputic and I found dd was calmer if I sang.