Controlled crying whilst DD, 6mo, is still in cot in our bedroom

[BaronyArch]

Our DD was born an angel baby but at 3mo it all changed overnight. I think its about her awareness of the world, not about me responding to her every peep, she's my second child so I didn't get the chance to do this as I did for my son! Now at nearly 7mo she feeds 2-4 times a night with 3 or 4 being the usual and 2 if we're lucky. Yes, in a way, I enjoy the night feeds (the first one) because it's a chance to both enjoy eachother, no distractions, but even if I do enjoy it, I've come to the point where I'm not physically taking it well. Also, when she wakes after about 5am I generally take her into the bed and hope she gets back to sleep bf there.

We did a 'soft' controlled crying with our DS when he was 6mo, (checking him every 3 minutes but not picking up or extending the time we left him) it worked within 2 days and he's slept through the night ever since, now aged 3. It was super hard to do it and in principle I'm not that into the idea but I have to say, it helped his naturally frantic character so much to be able to switch off when he wanted to switch off, rather than fighting sleep. I thought we would do it with DD at 6mo but just can't bring myself to do it!

My main question here is that she's still in her cot in our room - It's hard to imagine lying next to her listening but doing nothing, even for those 3 minute periods. In a way it was easier with DS as he napped 3 times a day and used to cry for 45mins before every nap whether soothed/ rocked or not, so I started it on his first nap of the day and by nighttime he was already getting in the swing, and by the second night slept through. But DS does not really cry for daytime naps!

I just know that decision making at 3am is not the same as at 10am! She'll have her own room once I've made curtains but as things stand that might still be a month away....I tend to think she's waking out of habit more than hunger (not that she's not hungry, she is, but and it seems like she can't feed with the same enthusiasm in the daytime becuase I don't always get the chance to feed her lying down in a darkened room like it did with my super indulged DS.) She feeds a lot at night regardless of how much or little she has eaten or slept in the day.

The short Q is, has anyone done controlled crying whilst still sharing a room with their child?

I am in exactly the same position as you in that I find it much harder to take a determined approach with my second child, hence only in the last 3 weeks has she gone to bed at 7, despite being 5 months old and my first child going to bed at 7 at 4 weeks....

But my question would be, do you need to go from 4 night feeds to controlled crying? Would it be possible to go via water, cuddles, patting and soothing, but not actually feeding?

If you think some of the waking is because she actually does eat more at night than during the day, could you try just dropping the last feed (the one nearest to breakfast) first? Then, gradually working back so eventually they are all dropped as she learns to eat more during the day?

If she's still needing to be fed in the night, I'm afraid she still need to be fed at night. Isn't it easier just to go with the flow for a bit longer? Controlled crying isn't recommended for under 1s anyway.

it would work, but would be very hard if the DC was in the same room as you if not impossible. For one thing she will be able to see you.

Was just about to post same as First. Too too young to do CC. DS did this, but gradually stopped by himself. Good luck.

I disagree that it's too young, but that is another discussion.

Thank you Mamachoo, those are good ideas and sympathetic, Thank You! am finding that the last feed before breakfast is really hard to resist, so much easier to bundle her in and just go to sleep with her without thinking. Then of course she hardly feeds at all at 7am as has been drinking milk all night, so I get your point. I was thinking to try to avoid the first feed of the night, which is where i am right now! wish I'd gone to bed at 8pm. Hmm, easier to put off the CC til later owing to indecision. My problem with waiting til 12m is that the longer I wait post 6m, the harder it will be for the child, I believe.

There are very good neurological reasons why CC is regarded as a bad idea below 12m - it can set up neural pathways that can be problematic later on in life. You will probably find that when solids kick in around 9 months that her need for overnight milk will suddenly drop. I found that both of mine suddenly went from needing 'proper' feeds overnight to only needing a couple of minutes each time they woke and from there it was a piece of cake to wean them off those feeds. DD did it at 9m, DS at 10.

there are very good neurological reasons why leaving a baby to cry for hours and hours when young can cause problems later in life, coupled usually with issues of neglect. That is not what we are talking about here, that is not CC

I just came on MN to post virtually the same thing as you!

My DS is 8.5 months. He feeds 7pm and sleeps straight away. Then wakes 8.30 or 9.30 and feeds and sleeps. Then usually just as I want to go to sleep at around 10-10.30 he wakes up with screaming ab dabs and this happens 2-3 times during the night until I let him sleep next to me out of desparation. He then sleeps fine. (DH sleeping in spare room cos he can't cope with lack of sleep and work!)

I believe all this started with move onto solids at 6 months coupled with teething at the same time. He still has no teeth through. I can give him nelsons powders and settle him sometimes but usually he just wants BF.

I need to break the association with food and sleep I think. He too has cot in our room and doesn't want to be in it apart from early evening when he is fine for a couple of hours.

I don't know whether to move him into own room or to try and get him happy in the cot first THEN move him.

I don't want to do CC but was reading another MN thread about a gentler approach which I might try. I know he isn't always waking because of teeth or tummy ache (happens now and again still with solids as he gets a bit constipated). It's a habit or bad sleep association now.

anyways, good luck to original poster and any advice welcome here too thanks!

Link to MN post about alternative to CC here

Oh me too - can't get tough with second baby - just that much more tired and less time to concentrate on it I suppose...

My ds slept through at 11 months once my milk dried up so I don't think crying is the only way you'll sort it..

But I hugely sympathise as I am knackered too and really feel I'd be enjoying my mat leave and her babyhood more if I was less tired...

I agree, try water and soothing in the cot before the cc route...

As others have said you shouldn't do cc before a year. My son continually woke through the night when he got to 3 months , so the GP recommended starting him on "solids" at 4 months, baby rice and first stage baby food. The night we gave him food as well as milk he slept right through the night till now (he is now 4), it may be that your baby is just hungry and ready for food, i would go to your GP and ask their advice, they will offer you some useful suggestions.

Why would anyone want to "get tough" with a baby- whether it's first, second or sixth?

O seeker that's just a manner of speaking. I am as soft as they come but know that a few tougher things - not picking up an feeing all the time etc etc etc would make me less tired as baby would learn to sleep better.

It was meant lightly.

Sorry. Soft is what you're supposed to be though! My solution is always just take the baby to bed with you- that way everyone gets more sleep. Win/win.