Correcting my behaviour

[Cbell]

These may only be small points but to me they are not inconsequential.

I have been spending a few days with my parents and I am reminded of some of their parenting behaviour that I don't like and don't want to repeat. I, of course have a whole list of grievances that I want to hold against my folks but I am adult enough now (most of the time) to realise none of us are perfect.
However there are few things my dad does that I feel I am repeating.

Firstly, his tendency to shout. As a child he would often say he just has a loud voice, this isn't true he would shout to intimidate both me and my brother and the family pets. I have found myself at times copying this behaviour, shouting at my DP and dog (not yet DD). I find my lack of control over his upsetting and only really see how unreasonably I am behaving when I am with my father.

Also my dad is so negative. He rarely praises us and his comments are often humorous attempts to put us down. I worry that I sometimes do this to my DP.
He is a fantastic and inspirational man (hubby) and I love him very much, all of which I tell him but I am also negative towards him in the same way father has been.

I can see myself repeating these behaviours in my love relationship with my hubby and feel scared that will do the same with my children. I get on well with my father and love him and have a very happy adult life but I would like to work on these areas. Whie I don't feel I need councilng I think I do need some kind of help and support. I am not sure where to turn

Thanks for reading this and I would appreciate any advice

well I think being conscious of these behaviours is 80% of the battle, and the desire to change them is another 15%. The remaining 5% is the times when you mess it up - I did this the other day, shouting at my DD (3) and losing control - she yelled at me 'I am only little' and she is right - I am the adult and I need to keep my feelings under control. She is 3 and learning how to do this - not always successfully - and my poor modelling will not help her. 95% of the time I am (reasonably) patient and in control. I am only human. You will be fine

I don't know what to advise, but didn't want to leave your thread unanswered. I always find writing my feelings down helps me make sense of them - perhaps if you wrote about how your dad made you feel that would help you?

I often catch myself doing things my parents did - funnily enough it's only the negative things I really notice. I just make note of them and try not to repeat them. Perhaps if you try remembering the positive things your dad did, you could notice the positive things you do?