Worried my crying is upsetting DS. Don't know what to do...

[LaTristesse]

So I know my hormones are all over the place - I've just had DC2 - but I am generally quite an emotional sort. Add to that some differences of opinion with DH about discipline and DS's behaviour which have resulted in me feeling guilty (and crying), feeling lonely (and crying), and generally feeling like I'm not doing the best by my children (and crying). You get the picture...basically DS sees me crying quite a bit, he's just 2, and I know it upsets him. DH says he'll end up blaming himself and I need to stop it, but how?
You're probably just going to tell me to get a grip and grow up...which would be great if I knew how to actually go about that!
At the moment I leave the room to keep him from seeing me unhappy but that upsets him too as he hates it when I go away from him.
Any ideas? short of psychiatric help

Aww... Poor u, I've just had my little girl and have been breakdowntastic so know how u feel... Although no other little ones to look after or run away crying from! I have no idea how u should tackle this but perhaps crying in front of little one is ok? if you give an explanation (even if its a silly made up one or say youre crying because youre happy?) so he knows it's not his fault? Clueless at this mum stuff though and very new at it so it mat be best to ignore my post

If yo really can't stop yourself crying in front of your 2 year old even though you know it distresses him then yes you probably do need professional help. Have you talked to your GP/health visitor?

Ah bless you - don't think for a minute that you're to blame. Hormones are a bugger aren't they? What is the rest of your day like? Lots of night feeds? Do you get enough help? What about rest? Are you eating ok?

Pls don't suffer unnecessarily though. You sound like you're doing a great job.

Poor you. Just tell him honestly - my DD is just 2 and can understand if I say "Don't worry, mummy is OK, just a bit sad" (I cry easily - sometimes even at children's books!) Say you'll feel better soon, give him a hug and explain it's not his fault. If he doesn't get it now, he will gradually over the next few months and he will get the feeling of reassurance anyway.

Your DH is not being v. helpful is he. I think, when you feel strong enough, you need to explain it all to him and tell him you can't just "stop it".

Re discipline and behaviour etc., you and DH could choose some books together (such as baby whisperer for toddlers, I like that one) and/or ask HV for advice if you have a nice one. It is not just up to DH to decide these things. You are as likely to be in the right as him.

Congrats on the birth of DC2 :)

I think you'd be better to give DS a cuddle and tell him that you're not really sad, as leaving the room might just upset and confuse him more. As MrsRV suggested, try to give DS an explanation, maybe say that you're crying because you're tired, so he knows you're not upset with him.

And try not to feel bad about crying; you've got a toddler and a newborn, you're tired and probably stressed, not to mention hormonal. And your DH not being sympathetic probably isn't helping.

My Dh is like yours. When my DS was born last year, I was very teary (traumatic birth and DH was not supportive.) DH kept sweeping baby up and taking him away from the room I was in if I was tearful which made me worse. I just needed him to be a bit comforting and cheery for baby. He is STILL a bit stressed out if i get upset around baby but I'm not worried. Babies must often see mummies cry. It is normal. I think if you are doing it all the time and you think perhaps you might be getting depression, you should check with GP but otherwise, I'd agree with others who say just reassure your child and he will be fine. It's you that needs more TLC. hugs xox