I thought we were over the worst of the beating up...

[onelittlefish]

I have what I would describe as quite a high spirited 3 yr old. Very sweet in almost all respects except for his 18 month old brother. It is really starting to drive me up the wall. Today he has hit him, pushed him over about 3 times and on last occasion pushed him down the stairs.

I don't know what to do about it as instead of getting better with time his aggression towards the 18 mth old seems to be getting worse.

My regular tactics for dealing with him are: explaining to him that it is not nice to hit his brother; give him time out; make him apologise. For pushing him down the stairs I was so angry I gave him a slap on the back of his hand.

In addition to this I am now trying to encourage him to be nice - for example, for any good behaviour he gets lots of praise, for looking after him he will get a sweetie to say well done and if they play nicely together they both get something.

Is there anything else I can do. He is really pushing all the wrong buttons at the moment and I feel it can't go on otherwise DS2 will end up in hospital. Please help.

How do you do time out?
I only ask because my DD2 would occasionally be like this when she was in a silly mood - nothing would help, and most things would make her do it more. We did time out on the stairs, or on a naughty spot downstairs - but because she would just run off every time, it was like a game.
In the end, we would send her to her bedroom - at the time we would just pick her up (is easier to get her in a backwards bearhug) and just take her to her bedroom, put her down and get down to eye level with a stern 'You do not hit your sisters, it is horrible behaviour and you will stay here until I come and get you' - and then a swift walk out. Often she would throw a huge tantrum, or come running back after me - if she did then I would either firmly tell her to go back to her bedroom, or if this failed then I would take her back up there. For some reason this would work better as she hated being away from the situation - whereas time out on the stairs meant that she could still watch everyone.
When she came down she had to apologise, kiss and cuddle her sisters better, and then got a firm warning that if she did it again then she would be back in her bedroom.

After DS has been really naughty (pushing down stairs), you could maybe make him play away from his brother for a while - telling him that as he can't play nicely with his brother, he cannot play with him at all. Could you get a playpen that you could put him in after you've disciplined him? I know it may sound as though you're putting him in some kind of cage, but if he is injuring his brother and verging on sending him to hospital, then he needs to understand that her is being very naughty. He could still have all his toys in the playpen, but he can't get near his brother. When he been playing nicely for a while, and if he agrees to be nice to his brother, then he can come out and play nicely - but knowing that if he hurts his brother again then he back in his room for time out, and then in the playpen.

Hopefully this will nip the behaviour in the bud before he seriously hurts his brother. Good luck OP - sending you some to help deal with tomorrow! [bugrin]

I don't put him in his room. Usually after doing time out he comes straight back in and we make him apologise and give DS2 a kiss. Maybe I need to be firmer.

I think the idea of separating them might be one that I have not tried. How would it work if we were out? We go for walks and quite frequently he pushes his DS over when he is trying to walk. Poor child will have a phobia of walking soon. Being a mother is such hard work at times.

Maybe you could try putting him in his room?
I often found that time out just wasn't enough for really bad behaviour - my DD was happy to sit somewhere for a few minutes, come back and carry on as normal - like it didn't affect her enough. I guess this is probably similar with your DS!
If you were out on a walk in woods or something, then DS would have to sit down in time out for 3 minutes whilst you and DS2 did something interesting; and then he would have to go on reigns/wrist strap for a while until he'd properly understood that he'd been naughty.
If you were in a park then he would have time out on a bench for a few minutes, and then you could (trying not to sound like evil mummy!) ignore him for a while - I don't mean not talk to him, but if he wanted you to push him on swings then you would say no because he was nasty to DS2, and that he would just have to wait. You don't have to shout or be nasty, just a simple 'No DS, I'm sorry but you pushed DS2 over and I'm still cross/upset'

I know it sounds harsh, but obviously time out just isn't enough for DS to realize how naughty he has been. Plus, being put onto wrist strap/'ignored/separated isn't as harsh as how poor DS2 is being treated.
It's definitely not easy sometimes, my DD2 is 4.5 now, but still has these 'funny 5 minutes' where she just gets really silly and its like she has pent-up silliness that she has to get rid of by just running past a sister and hitting them! Then she snaps out of it within a minute, and is a bit of her behaviour. DTriplets are 2.5 and starting to pick up on the silly behaviour.. attempting to nip that right in the bud!

I would give clear rules before going out and try zero tollerance. As soon as he breaks the rules, he is home and in time out. It will be draining for you but will be a quicker 'fix'.

At home I would again make the rules clear and do the same. I wouldn't leave baby alone.
Time out, no toys, firm low voice and in addition for any extream behaviour, ie hurting, I would take a toy away for 24hours.

And yes more needed!