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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

2yo won't go/stay in bed - I'm going out of my mind

15 replies

AdiVic · 08/04/2012 20:04

Hello - for the past couple of weeks my 2yo old has been playing up (screaming, shouting etc) when we try and put her to bed. She has always been a light sleeper, and a couple of weeks ago she obviously had a dream or something about a spider being in her bed as she woke up sweating and screaming blue murder that there was the spider was there. My husband bought her straight downstairs for a cuddle:( I am 34w pregnant and feeling bloody awful and am finding it really hard - i have now tonight gone up the steep stairs 14 times and she just comes straight down screaming that she wants a cuddle etc. Apart from gagging/nailing her door closed (which obviously i wont' do), I dont' know what to do!!! I am keeping calm and keep putting her in her bed, but she is so wound up I dont' know how she will settle. It is hard to keep calm and collected when you have this beastly god damn child refusing to go to bed!!! She has not been unwell, she just screams that she wants a cuddle/stroke. As soon as I pick her up to take her back up she is quiet, as soon as i put her in bed, she is straight up after me, back downstairs. Last night she was at it from 7.10 till 10pm non stop - bad, i know but i had to go to bed, and she came in with me (I know, I know, but normally i go to bed at 9, and i was soooo knackered). HELPPP!!!

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scummymummy · 08/04/2012 20:08

Massive sympathies. Stairgate on the door? We have one for safety as my 2 y o's room is at the top of a steep flight of stairs but it also means that we go up and re-settle her at intervals if she does this sort of thing.

Original poster

AdiVic · 08/04/2012 20:21

the door frame is too narrow:( I have now re-settled her 22 times this evening, I'm beginning to think there is something wrong with her?? How can a child be so bloody stubborn.

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crikeybadger · 08/04/2012 20:33

Would the 'gradual retreat' method work? You sit next to them till they calm down and over a period of time, go a little bit further back.

Not great for you being pregnant admittedly, but it's got to be better than going up and down the stairs all night.

I do feel for you, our DS is 2.5 and is a terrible sleeper. We usually co-sleep at some point in the night and I just keep hoping that at some point he'll 'get it'.

Original poster

AdiVic · 08/04/2012 20:51

After 24 trips up the stairs she has gone off!! I hope the next one, which is a boy will be better, fingers crossed - otherwise I'm leaving!

OP posts:

scummymummy · 08/04/2012 21:09

24! That's impressive. Poor you- they are so massively stubborn at this age. I think you are doing the right thing by returning her each time but how bloody tiring, especially when you're pregnant.

ValiumQueen · 08/04/2012 21:19

You poor thing! I have a daughter who is nearly two, and is driving me insane too. I am also pg, only 11 weeks, but full-on morning sickness. I have a 5yo who was angelic at bed time.

Could you get a gate made to fit? I am sure there must be something out there.

We are doing the gradual withdrawal method, which is taking soo long, but she does not get upset, which helps me too.

It will pass in time...

scummymummy · 08/04/2012 21:36

Extra narrow stairgate?

BaronessBomburst · 08/04/2012 23:07

My DS would do this, and climb over a stairgate too, so we just don't put him to bed until much later. He usually goes sometime between 9pm and 10pm, and either he asks to go, or I suggest it if he looks tired, and then he stays put. He spends the evening doing quiet things like jigsaws and colouring, whilst I potter in the kitchen etc. My family say that we shouldn't as it means that DH and I don't get the evening to ourselves, but I really can't see how resettling a child 24 times is quality time either.
Could you just try all going to bed together at 9pm?

PorridgeBrain · 08/04/2012 23:15

Either gradual withdrawal or continue with what you are doing but make sure you are not engaging in ANY conversation. Also to save the up and down stairs, I would for a short time just go to bed when dd does and either read or pretend to sleep, that way you can intercept quickly to make it less of a game and save your energy!

It sounds like you have already shaved 1 hour off last nights time so stick with it and the time taken to settle should get less and less. Good luck!

whitelillies · 09/04/2012 09:17

we had to do the stair gate too when nds was little (same age age with no 2) I hated the idea of it but the house we lived in was not safe to have him roaming around without supervision.
We also tried the gradula reatreat but it didnt work as he was usually too delighted to have someone in the room/bed/at the end of the bed/ at the doorway/ and wanted to hug/ climb/ jump on them .... so it wasn t really a runner
all we can say is that sticking to a firm bed time routine (unwavering)
We also did a story poster - pictures of ds getting into bath then getting dry and dresses brushing teeth having story and cuddle and then a pic of ds asleep in bed ... we stuck it on the door of his bedroom and read through it every evening before bedtime...
He came through it - he is now the best little fella to get to bed... you pop him in read a story and he goes off to sleep... despite the fact that is now 2 1/2 yr old sister is going through this phase again and is up and about the house being returned to bed ............ stick with it they ll come through it

whitelillies · 09/04/2012 09:18

i think we got the poster tip[ from the no cry discipiline or no cry sleep solution book by elizabeth pantly. by the way ...

Astr0naut · 09/04/2012 13:21

No advice, just sympathy - and to say we've had this for 2 weeks with DS, since the clocks went forward. HE seems to be coming out of it now, which is just as well, because all that banging on the door and rattling the handle was waking baby dd up.

We just go up and put him back in. At some point we tell him that he's making us very cross and that it's naughty behaviour, then resort to up, bed, no eye contact.

PS he got quite weird just before dd was born.

NeedlesCuties · 09/04/2012 15:08

OP, I started a similar thread recently! Glad to know I'm not the only one with a super-stubborn 2 year old!

I'm also pregnant, only 22 weeks though but I agree with you about being a bit wary about coping with a non-sleeping toddler and a newborn.

Just keep chanting the MN mantra, "This too shall pass..."

Iggly · 09/04/2012 19:31

Does she settle faster if you sit with her until she falls asleep? If so, do that to get her used to falling asleep at a decent hour again as there's no point wasting your energy. Then after a few days, leave the room once she's nearly asleep - tell her you'll be back in a minute. Come back in a minute then sit with her until she sleeps. Gradually extend the time you leave so she trusts you to return then you'll be able to leave her to it.

justlemonade · 09/04/2012 21:12

My DD was terrible at this age. Now at 3 and a half she's pretty good at staying in bed (even if she doesn't go to sleep immediately) so MN mantra 'this too shall pass' is right!

I second the idea of going up to bed at the same time as her for a bit. Also, we made a bit of a bed area in DD's room for me or DH where we would lie down with her until she went to sleep. Not a long term solution, but stopped her getting out of bed all the time!

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