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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Please hit reply !! Need quick fire ideas on how to survive sibling rivalry in hols!

13 replies

RufflingFeathers · 08/04/2012 18:13

Please just reply with quick tips/ideas on how to cope with two sisters (8+5) not getting on at all well !! Very shouty/intolerant.
We have to be out the house this week as getting kitchen done, still have 18mth old, who complicates things too !

Help !! not sure I can survive !!

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Original poster

RufflingFeathers · 08/04/2012 18:22

BUMP !!! that's how desperate I am !!

OP posts:

conorsrockers · 08/04/2012 18:45

Poor you! I have 3DS, 9, 6 and 5. It's the old thing I'm afraid of playing with them to show them how to play together nicely and really going over the top with encouragement and kind words when they do. We make quite a thing of it as we have the three and they pretty much do everything together - we always bang on to them about how important it is for them to look out for one another as years ahead they will need and depend on each other and we won't be here to sort out their squabbles!! If one of them says something that hurts another's feelings we stop them and explain what they have done and suggest it would be nice to apologise and play nicely, blah blah blah...,
Sorry, I don't have any 'quick fixes' . If we have any nonsense ours go outside the back door (together) until they sort it out - they then tend to stick together against us, which is fine!!!

jammydodger1 · 08/04/2012 19:03

is there anything the do together that they enjoy? do you have a friend who you can trade with - I have a friend with a dd same age as my dd1 and she also has a dd2 roughly same age as my dd2 (hope that makes sense) we regularly swop so one day I will have eldest two girls (easy peasy day they 12) and she has my smallest dd, then vice versa (harder they 6) so on days when have elder two get all jobs done and when have smaller two play all day

DameHermione · 08/04/2012 19:05

i have a 14 and 15 yr old at each other throats. they can't even blink without the other snapping and then swearing and arguing over it.

the only cure, i fear, is one or both of them leaving home as soon as possible one day.

Rezolution · 08/04/2012 19:06

Try to separate them if you can. Can you send one off to her friend's house on a playdate? Or even both to separate friends?
Sibling rivalry is wearing and can really make you feel rotten. And it doesn't achieve anything either.

GinPalace · 08/04/2012 19:09

Hmmm speaking as someone still scarred by bad relations with sister when younger I recommend letting them get away from each other as much as possible to take the heat out of it. Sorry, nothing more practical to suggest.

We get on OK now but being in each others company when younger was pure torture.

danielle76 · 08/04/2012 19:19

i totally feel your stress, i have 5dc, 13,11,7,3 and 1, the eldest two fantastic, they're different genders, so keep out of each others way, it's the 7 and 3 year old who are both ds that fight, proper physical, screaming and the constant arguing, drives me insane, i don't feel i parent them, more referee them. I find taking them out helps, i don't drive, but we have loads of parks nearby, so we spend a lot of holidays in them, am gearing myself up for the summer, they are way to long :)

conorsrockers · 08/04/2012 20:58

Not helpful to the OP (sorry!) but I'd feel kind of sad if I 'separated' my boys - my DH and his brother never really played together when they were little - his Mum always said they were so different so it was easier to keep them apart, but rolling on 40 years they still only talk to each other if they have to :(

GinPalace · 08/04/2012 21:18

but would they have done that anyway Conors ? Impossible to know how our choices now affect the future. I only achieved a working relationship with my sis after we could get away from each other - until then it was daggers drawn - we just weren't made to rub up well together.

ThisIsMummyPig · 08/04/2012 22:40

Take them outside, in the rain if you have to - at least they will then be able to agree that you are mean. Then take them for a biscuit while you have a nice coffee (to warm up). At least if they are in a park there is room for them to both do their own thing.

I also like putting mine in the car - when they are strapped in they can't reach other, so we often do spurious trips out. My kids are a bit younger though.

conorsrockers · 09/04/2012 07:46

I know Gin - you are right .
It's the old line I always fall back on;
A family that plays together, stays together.

Rezolution · 09/04/2012 14:20

Conors Yes my DH and his older brother are just like that - they only see each other on rare occasions, say Hello and not much else. Don't think they ever have a conversation to my knowledge. Brother is in his 60's now so it's a bit late really. They are like chalk and cheese tbh.

Original poster

RufflingFeathers · 09/04/2012 17:49

Thanks all - we have survived day 1 !! doesn't help that the house is total chaos - but as I watched them holding hands whilst paddling up a stream this afternoon, I almost cried !! definitely good for them to get out the house.

My siblings and I fought terribly as children and now as adults (almost as soon as we left for uni), get on really well, and are well involved in each other's lives. So I'm trying to remember that - ie there is hope for the future ! but I do find it all a bit wearing, and then shout at them, and forget all the things I've read in sibling rivalry books !!

They are v.different temperaments - but it is possibly easier now the 5yr old is able to play games etc a bit better

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