I am at my wits end with dd1 aged 4.2

[pud1]

I actually feel shit writing this down but my dd1's behavoiur is terrible. She was 4 in feb and she has morphed into a nightmare. She hits out at her younger sister and constantly whinges and moans. If things don't go her way she has a total meltdown. In general she is badly behaved. Shenhas always been a bit clinging but never this demanding. And it's awful to say but she is no longer a pleasure to be with. I love her dearly but am struggling with this and have run out of ways of managing her behaviour.
If this is a phase then I am able to cope with that but I am worried I am raising a spoilt little brat.

Have clicked on this as my 4 year old ds has been driving me mad lately - refusing to do simple things I ask him and constantly giving cheek if he is told off for anything. He also expects new toys/magazines/games every time we leave the house. When I'm at the end of my tether he usually does something sweet and innocent to remind me what's he really like - just wish I knew how to calm the mini-monster inside him!

I honestly could've written this myself this time last year. Dds behaviour was awful and I struggled to cope tbh. Things started to improve when she started school and since she turned 5 in February, things have improved further. She is such good company now and I actually feel like I'm properly enjoying her for t first time in a long time. Hang on in there!

Fucking fours!

I have a 4yo ds, I say no more.

ditto, things I do

deep breathing techniques, in through nose, out through mouth, occasionally works

also - you are tired, have a little nap - complete with blanket

if total meltdown continues then its into bed
and back into bed
and back into bed
and back into bed
and back into bed

until eventually it sinks in thats where DC is staying until calmness is resumed

at which point - "im better now", and out bounces happy DC

i have also perfected the exact height at which to hold the arm so that feet have to hit the floor and walk rather than drag

Thanks god it's just not me.

Why oh why do they bang on about terrible twos so from 18 months you brace yourself but no one warns you about 4 year olds

I had a angel until he hit four.

A absolute angel!!

you'd have recognised me in Tescos yesterday, as the one whose DC was screaming loudly, let me go, i dont lllllllllllllllllliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yyyyyyyyyyyyyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, yyyyouuuuuuuuuuuuuu arennnnnnnnnnnntttttttttttt mmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyybbbbbbbbbbbbbbessssssssssssssst fffffffffffffffriendddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
and then violently throwing head backwards and hitting floor every time I let go of his hand

he wanted an aeroplane apparently!!

:( namechange

Been there, also had the 'Mummy go away or I'm going to kill yoooooouuuuuuuu!!!!!' and the 'Mummy DONT HIT ME MUUUMMMMMY YOURRR HORRRRIBLE!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!'

I have never laid a finger on the little brat and very

the number of shoppers who told me to try the morrisons advert and join him

it would of course help if we didnt have to walk past toys
or sweets
or magazines

I did come up with the novel punishment of making him sleep in DDs cot and letting her have his bed for the night after he bit her, because I wanted something he would remember for a long time, strangely he was compliant with that, possibly becuase I made him look at the mark that didnt go away every half an hour!

DS2 turned 4 on Monday, he has over night turned into a real whinger - his terrible 2's tantrums seem to have reappeared! I am hoping it is just tiredness due to a few late nights due to b/day and easter hols but maybe not now I have read this . . .

DD1 is driving me to drink distraction just now, exactly the same. I am sitting here, as I ran away from the living room earlier because I could no longer stand the bickering with her older sister.She always starts it, or her clinginess and possesiveness of me.

She turned from a lovely really good-natured helpful little girl into a monster, and like you I feel terrible saying it, but there are days I wished I'd stuck at one. There is a 6 year gap between my two but she was very definitely planned and was a really welcome addition to our family till she turned 4.

I'm praying things get better when she starts school, one of her moans just now is that nursery is boring, I don't think she's stimulated enough any longer. We've been to some settling in visits at school and she was great, not clingy and came over birght & well-behaved. At nursery she's well-behaved but clingy when I leave in the morning.

Today we've had 3 'naps' and none actually panned out, I think things would have been better and I wouldn't have run off if they had. I sat in the drive for 5 minutes and almost left her in the car to get a bit of peace when she dozed off this afternoon.

And breathe........................ Magner's is helping tho and I feel for you

I can't wait for September. I think it is school that she needs. If I sit with her and write words for her to copy and do little sums with her she is so settled and entertained. I am not saying that she is advanced or gifted but I just think that she needs developing to the next level mow

This too will pass.....

It is just a phase.

They are all, by the sounds of it flexing thier little muscles and independance, because, of course, you do allow them to do so much more than even six months ago as they are growing and developing. The trouble is they get given and inch and fancy a mile.

You all know all this stuff - calm voice, eye level, following through, consistency, patience..if you manage it slometimes that can't be bad!

Go to MacDonalds (as it recommends in 'Toddler Taming') as the relief of seeing multiple worse-behaved children than yours offsets and nutrirional concerns

I like the idea that it's just a phase. What I am not keen on is the fact I have a 2.7 yo dd so have it all to look forward to again i the very near future

just wait til they get into their teens

I have lost count of how often I've heard "you're not my friend anymore", or "mummy's being nasty" (said to dh) or "daddy's being nasty" (said to me). I suppose it's just like the 2 year old tantrums, except now they can use words

I've got one too. We visited family today, had a lovely time, she was an angel. The hour drive home on the motorway was the worst hour of my life. She woke her baby sister every 10 minutes till the poor child was beside herself. She undid her seatbelt, screamed and kicked the back of the seat and was generally a nightmare. It took all my strength not to stop the car on the hard shoulder and put her out.

Oh thank god. I was beginning to think I am the worst mother in the world. Now I just realise I have the same as you all. Particularly the "you're not my best friend anymore" comment (repeat ad infinitum...). Too bloody right you're not my best friend!!

Fours are worse than twos easily. My dd2 is four and is very trying. I'm not comforted by the fact its a phase, well I am, its just I've got to go through it all again with dd3!

Ok, I have one as well, and can I ask what punishments you use? My daughter seems to enjoy the naughty step , doesn't have any particular toys I can take off her - and if I did she would just play with her sisters stuff, I'm not into smacking. So how do I punish the little brat?

Ugh, that "you're not my best friend anymore". I blame Peppa f-ing Pig. The number of times I have to nearly sew up my lips the prevent myself saying, "great, perhaps if you're not my best friend any you might bugger off so I can get some f-ing peace!"

My DD is 5 and seems to have just his this horrid stage !! Apparently I'm not her best friend and I'm not coming to her birthday party.. She's started sulking like Kevin the teenager, throwing things and lashing out.. It's a nightmare.. She's also started telling awful awful lies.. She was with her dad last weekend and told me he had taken her fighting and made her fight with a little girl, obviously I was horrified but not as horrified as her dad was when I asked him about it !! Let's hope she doesn't start telling her teachers about her new hobby !! Soooo hope this passes soon DD2 is due in 5 weeks

Oh I feel better for having read all of this!

My DD1 is 4.6 and is a lovely little girl out of the house but quite atrocious when we are in. She whines and moans from the moment she gets up to the moment she goes to bed. Part of the problem IMO is that she is rising far too early but short of painting the windows black I don't know what else to do.

She rejects everything we give her to eat, but then will try it and decide she likes it, which is something. She will only wear certain clothes. She refuses to dress appropriately for colder weather and moans and moans and moans when she is cold. She refuses to go our altogether sometimes (I suspect because she is cold!) even if it's to a friend's house. She has taken to tantrumming if we say say another child is older than her!!! Another flashpoint is tidying up: she absolutely will not. Odd because she will at school (nursery class; 2.5 days a week) because sometimes they get "star of the day". Doesn't work at home. She has a 16 mo DD2 and several of DD1's toys have been lost or broken recently due to rampaging baby getting hold of stuff.

I've found a few coping techniques:

1. Stick her in her room until she decides she can behave.
2. If she is refusing to do anything/walk into another room (yes, she will moan about that) because she is "tired" I send her to bed.
3. Toys are confiscated if she refuses to tidy her toys. They are returned only when the task is completed, next day if needs be.
4. We don't watch much television, but no television will be allowed, or DD2 will get a choice (as far as a 16mo can have a say in such matters!).
5. A sense of "being": she does swimming which she is steadily getting the hang of and gymnastics, which only she and not DD2 do and hopefully make her feel special.

1. Alcohol. For me obviously.

I think she's actually bored most of the time and there's only so far I can help with that. She's at pre-school 2.5 days a week and a private nursery 1 day (I work p/t) and really hates her nursery. She'll be leaving in the summer and will start school this September. She's a bright girl (am not just saying that as her mother; her vocab is that of a six-year-old) and I think needs to be in school

OP, and all you other poor parents of four-year-old, you have my sympathies!

I have two darling children who never argue or talk down to me. I can hear you all shouting at your screens right now, but my mum has a theory, every child has a bad faze, are a nightmare to live with and a time of their life when you will come close to hateing them.

My mum thinks I will pay for this sweet childhood with 2 teenagers from hell.

So I'll be back in afew years to cry on your shoulders while you all have sweet teenagrs who love their mums.

My DS is 7 and just starting that nice particular stage of stoppyness! I felt compelled to write because Newtothis mentioned Kevin the Teenager. I showed DS this clip and he sat -> the whole way through. Then laughed and said did he look that silly? I said yes! he then ruined it by saying at least he didn't say bloody all the time

I agree with budgieshell because I skipped the 2's and 4's with DS - but he's making up for it with the 7's.

I am dealing with it by ignoring him - and replying with 'well I love you lot's' to every I hate you - in some vain attempt to get............... actually I have no idea why just hoping it works.