DD1 and her 'scary imagination'

[fingerscrosseditsnothing]

She is almost 6 and still will not go to bed alone. DH or I have to lie with her til she is asleep. If she wakes in the night she always comes and wakes us up and one of us has to settle her back to sleep.

She has what she calls 'her scary imagination' and she gets scared on her own. She has a nightlight, we leave her door open and all rooms are on the same floor so she really isn't far from us.

I've seen her imagination in action and she genuinely seems scared. I know she can work herself up about things but this doesn't seem deliberate. She does seem to be very imaginative in general. She had imaginary friends as soon as she could talk. She plays long, complicated games.

She doesn't watch any 'big kids' TV at all. Scooby Doo is about as much as she can handle and even then she can't watch the most modern version because she finds it too scary.

She says she sees shapes in the furniture when the light is off - some are friendly but some are scary.

I don't want to disregard her fears but I don't want to play up to it and make it worse. I think at 6 she should be able to go to bed by herself.
She was always a nervous child but loves school and has become much more self confident since she started.

Any advice on what to do?

I would like her to go to bed on her own and go to sleep. Umtil she learns to do this I think she will always wake us if she wakes up (about 3-4 times a week at the moment)

Has anyone else got a dc like this? Where should I start?

Thanks

My DS can be like this, from time to time. I find he tends to be worse if he has day time anxieties (school etc), so it does vary. It's separation anxiety, which can come and go throughout childhood (and into adulthood - ever felt homesick?). He talks of fears and "thoughts" that he can't let go of.

I don't want battles at bedtime, so we have found it most helpful to simply accept DS's need for being parented to sleep. Perhaps that doesn't sound very useful to you, but this is probably a phase, and it will pass. I don't think it's helpful to "force" the issue and insist on independent sleep, if your DD clearly isn't ready, or is having a "wobble". Your DD's fears will be very real to her, and she's letting you know exactly what she needs to help her: you!

We follow the same routine every bedtime (a predictable comfort in itself), and after story and cuddles, DS likes to listen to children's audio books, poems, or soft music. Your DD might find this relaxing? It can help soothe an over-active mind and provides focus, instead of getting worked up by worries.

You might also like to read her the book "The Big Bag of Worries" during the daytime at the weekend which might start conversation flowing about what she's most troubled by.

Wanted to add that DS gets in with us most nights. The need for night time parenting is very valid for children. DS is 7.

Dh and I take it in turns to cuddle dds (5 and 6) to sleep, we have a couple of stories then its lights out (nightlight on!), story cd on, the we snuggle down, they are usually asleep in 5 minutes. Dd2 has a worry book, which we sit and do before stories, she gets very anxious about things coming up and tends to store up her worries,. so we write the worries down or draw them and it helps her talk them through. Dd1 has nightmares and is a sleepwalker, so sometimes ends up in bed or needs a cuddle in the night, but we tend to go with it.

Sorry if this isn't much help!

Thanks for the replies. For the record I love cuddling my dds to sleep but it seems to be worrying dd. She has told me several times that no children in school go to sleep with their parents and also she talks about wanting sleepovers.

I think she will be too young for sleepovers for quite a time but I'd love to start working on it gently so she can get to a place where she can settle herself to sleep.

DD1 and dd2 don't share a room at the moment. DD1 has a double bed as one of us was often in with her and there is no room for another bed in her room. She and dd2 cannot share a bed - they are both kicky, twisty sleepers and it didn't work. It means bedtimes are tricky when dh isn't here and that will be more often as he has some evening work coming up as neither will self settle. At the moment when he is away I put them both to bed in our room and sleep in with them but then DH ends up in dd1's room.

The whole thing is a bit of a mess and has been for years. We co-slept with them both and haven't figured out a way to sleep seperatly from them now they are older

She has never gone to sleep in bed alone so it is not a phase as such (well maybe a 6 year one if that counts

I got her a set of worry dolls that she whispers her worries to before bed and also a dream catcher. She told me the dreamcatcher is 'useless' (her words) because the scary dreams still come.

Badgerina The Big Bag of Worries sounds interesting. I'll take a look.

Hazyjane The worry book sounds like a great idea too.