Really uncomfortable with HV development assessment at 2 1/2

[moondaisy]

Hi, has anyone else had a HV development check they were not happy with. My 2 1/2 year old DD is very bright, happy, affectionate, but she's the youngest of three with two teenage sisters and I haven't hurried her with anything as I have been very relaxed. Shes been able to count to 10 since she was 1 and knows all her colours etc and she chatters away. She is quite lazy though, so isnt bothered about feeding herself, and she didn't walk until she was over one and a half because she was quite happy zipping around crawling everywhere. I have no concerns but the HV check today made me feel quite uncomfortable.

The HV was really pushy, and just kept repeating and repeating herself to try and get DD to do things, which I didn't like. DD isnt that interested in puzzles, she doesnt want to put the right pieces in their shaped holes as she would rather stack the pieces, so that didn't go well. HV asked her to put a doll under her chair, and DD didn't know what she was talking about. HV asked her to throw a ball at the wall, DD throws balls and things all the time but we dont get her to throw things at walls as we live in a rented house, I doubt DD even knows what a wall is as such so she didnt understand that either. DD had been ill with a sicky bug and she was half asleep before the assessment, so HV stopped it half way through and said she would redo it in a few weeks. I really want to see someone different though as she was very clinical and unfriendly, almost like she just smiled at the appropriate times with me but didn't really want to chat to me or listen. Can I ask to see someone different? I dont want to see her again! Can I refuse to have the check?

Hi, not an expert, but just wanted to offer sympathies, try not to let it upset you as you know your child best. My DS1 didn't 'perform' well at his check, but the HV was very laid back about it, despite worrying myself about it.
Anecdotally it totally depends on who carries out the check so you could request a different HV, although I'd say you shouldn't let it wind you up that much. It might cause you too much stress to get bogged down in protesting and from what you say your DD will be fine. Just treat it as another little hoop to jump through and you'll have forgotten about it all in a few weeks.

Well, the point of the developmental check is to see what the child can do, so it's not suprising that she was trying to get your DD to do things! You could refuse the check if you want to though.

Does your DD often struggle to follow instructions like putting the doll under the chair? The HV might have been concerned about receptive language.

You don't have to have it done at all - if you're happy with her development then why do it? I declined it with my two younger children, if I'd had any concerns then I would have raised them.

It sounds like the HV was just trying to check that your DD could understand and follow simple instructions, if you do try it again perhaps you could suggest the kind of things you do ask your DD to do/won't confuse her.

You DD had a bad day. The HV recongised this and has suggested doing the check on a different day.

You are lucky to have a two year check. In my area most children have nothing after the six week check. DD only had a two year check because she is tiny.

Once your dd is at nursery or pre school then developmental checks aren't necessary. Their development is extensively tracked by the Early years Foundation Stage.

firstly, you dont have to have our DD checked by the HV at all so you dont have to rebook the appointment.

secondly, any parent knows that a child will count to 100 all day long but as soon as someone asks them to do it, they feign ignorance so i dont know why the HV's (or whoever tells the HVs what to do) puts so much emphasis on being able to put a bloody jigsaw piece in the right hole.

my HV is lovely and was really laidback. she didn't ask my ds to do anything, just observed what he was already doing with the things provided (books, toy cars, crayons etc). my ds is what i would call slow to speak. he is 3 in may but still his speech is very unclear and he doesn't have as many words as most 2 year olds i know. the HV said not to worry about it at all, that she sees children developing at all sorts of different rates and he will catch up. she said i will know myself when to investigate further if his speech doesn't improve.

jsut to add the HV also asked my about what ds was able to do aswell as just watching him.

Why do people have these checks done? Most involved parents can see if there are any concerns and I am not sure that many toddlers are prepared to act like performing monkeys at the behest of someone who they don't even know.

They seem to cause unnecessary worry in 100 parents for every one parent they may (potentially) help.

i agree larry.

With respect Larry that is often the case but not always - I have in the past seen occasional toddlers with global development delay where the parents are in utter denial.

Likewise as a Mum I failed utterly to notice my son's autism - I was so emotionally involved with my son that I couldn't see it. They didn't do 2 year checks in my area and the nursery picked it up and my son was finally seen aged 4 by a paediatrician - even then I just thought I had an active child with some quirks rather than a child ith an ASD and ADHD.

These checks are really important for picking up any potential problems. You don't have to go, but it's really only to help you and your family. She suggested a time when your dd might feel more up to it, I think she did the right thing.
It is hard watching professionals assess your child, but that is what they're doing, I know it can feel like they are 'judging' you and your child.
I'm sure there will be other HV's you can see if you don't like this ones manner.
larrygrylls - You would hope so but sadly there are many parents who are totally uninvolved, and some who (through no fault just lack of experience) aren't aware of the potential problems and significant milestones.

"They seem to cause unnecessary worry in 100 parents for every one parent they may (potentially) help."

The parent is not the one being helped - its generally about helping the child.

I had this with dd2 - very "helpful" hv tried to refer dd to SALT as she wasn't talking properly.

hv just didn't get the fact that dd's older db had a sli and used Makaton to communicate and of course she was going to copy him!

After enough agro I got them to agree to waiting 6 mths before referring and sure enough as ds2 started talking so did dd.

I knew there was a prob with ds2 and likewise knew there was no prob with dd.

OK, did you know that there is a big checklist of things, and they keep going until it becomes plain that the DC can no longer do the tasks on the list?

So even if your DD was the most advanced child in the world, the last four or five things she would have been asked to do, she would not have been able to do.

Did the HV say that she was meeting her milestones OK?

"OK, did you know that there is a big checklist of things, and they keep going until it becomes plain that the DC can no longer do the tasks on the list?"

sorry that's bollox.

HV development checks aren't IQ tests. The development tests are looking for problems so that support can be organised if necessary. Ie. a child who cannot do a simple puzzle may well have problems concentrating. There might be eye sight problems, an inablity to follow instructions (Ie language or even deafness) or ADHD.

The aim of these checks is to ensure that chidlren are healthy and happy. In dd's case the only concern is growth. Other children might have sleep issues, toileting issues or tantrums. Another purpose of these checks is to reassure parents that their child is normal and if their expectations are realistic.

Maybe it varies in different areas or has changed since I had DS2, ReallyTired.

My HV told me this when I fretted that DS2 hadn't been able to do the last five things she had asked about. She said that (a bit like a reading test) they carry on asking and when it has been no to the last five things* they stop asking. The point at which they stop is the rough developmental age. Because DS2 had not been able to do the last few things she had asked I was worried he wasn't progressing. But in fact he was slightly in advance of his actual age (though nothing to brag about, as always with my DCs and these things).

• Can't remember if it was 5, it was a couple of years ago.