"I'm not looking forward to being a grown up" from 6yo. Should I worry?

[mawbroon]

DS1 is 6yo and has said several times recently that he's not looking forward to being a grown up.

He hasn't really been able to say exactly why, but I have made light of it and told him that he can do whatever he likes when he's a grown up eg, can watch tv all day and eat chocolate for breakfast etc and then we have left it at that.

I have had a really crap couple of years what with a broken ankle (requiring surgery) during late pregnancy in 2010, new baby (now aged 2) and in december I suffered a bout of psychosis out of the blue and now I am struggling with post psychotic depression.

If all was well with me, I would not be worrying about his comment, but is he more aware of the difficult time I am having than I think he is.

And what do I do?

He sounds like a very sensible child! With hindsight I wouldn't be looking forward to being a grown up either.

I'm sure he is very aware of the difficult time you've been having (it sounds horrendous BTW, you poor thing) and it might be worth having a discussion with him about how mummy is/has been quite ill but it won't always be like this, you love him etc. General reassurance that you love him and will take care of him, he doesn't need to worry.

Is your DH/partner around? Is he supportive? Do you have any supportive family members or close friends nearby? At 6 your DS should be enjoying being a child and if you need people to take him to the park, swimming, zoo, just to play then do ask the people you feel comfortable with.

I do have a fair amount of support close by, but I don't like palming the kids off on others all the time.

DH is supportive, but I get the feeling he doesn't really understand what it's like for me and he is prone to making insensitive comments.

I have told ds1 that I am unwell, along the lines of my brain is doing funny things and making me feel sad when there is nothing to be sad about. He seems to understand, but it doesn't stop him playing up a lot of the time. The sibling rivalry with ds2 really gets me down.

This book was suggested to me
Playing up and sibling rivary are normal 6 yr old stuff
Take care of yourself xx

It's very sad and I know how you feel. I am in the middle of OCD/antenatal depression and my 2 year old will sometimes come over and stroke my face and say "mummy sad? [Ds] kiss cuddle, mummy better now?". It breaks my heart that it is like this for him, it's not how I wanted it to be. Kids are resilient but there is sadness for us I guess that this has happened. Just remember it's not your fault.... I take comfort from the fact that my godmother had psychosis and depression and I remember how her son who was 3 or 4 at the time became very introverted and a bit of a shadow of himself, but 3 years down the line everything is fine. We can't protect them from everything, it's just not easy to realise your own illness is causing them sadness. You are getting treatment that's all that matters, you will all ride out the storm and things will improve. Hugs etc, not even going to pretend I care if they are unmumnsetty!

Just thought you might like to hear that my dd (almost 6) is also like this. She recently worked out that grown ups don't live with their mummy and daddy's and cannot bear the thought of ever living away from us. I'm trying to take it as a compliment and have re-assured her she can live with us for as long as she wants. Will be back on here in 20 years getting advice on how to boot her out!!!

My 5 nearly 6 yr old says that too. She wants to stay 5 forever. I think she has figured out being a child is more fun!

I think this is a very common and sensible thought for a child to have. It may not be so directly linked with your experience and may be something he would think anyway. My son is really worried about being an adult and all the decisions he will have to make, not living with us etc. He can't comprehend it.

Thanks for your replies. I just don't know how to interpret his behaviour just now and seem to have hit a blank with how to deal with it. I think it is because I am not myself and don't seem to be able to deal with him the way I usually do. He went off wailing and screaming with dh earlier because I just needed the two kids seperated because ds1 was just picking on ds2 constantly.

I guess sending him away like that isn't going to make him feel good, but it's not like I was sending him away with a complete stranger. He seems to need unlimited one to one time with me just now and I just can't do it, both on a practical and emotional level.