Have I over mothered by DD1

[Noomininoo]

My DD1 is 4.10 and has always been pretty 'needy'. She hates playing (or doing anything) by herself and always needs constant affection/attention/approval.

Up until now this hasn't been so much of a problem as she's always had someone on hand who's more than happy to give her the attention she craves (either me, DH or one of the lovely nursery nurses in the nursery she attended from the age of 9m-4.2yo).

Since she's started school, however, this has all changed as the teacher, with 29 other kids also demanding her attention, obviously can't give her the attention she's been used to getting. This has manifested itself in her becoming even more needy at home. She can't even sit down & watch TV without having someone there to sit with her & cuddle her. She's also become a lot more emotional, bursting into tears at the slightest provocation .

Her behaviour has also deteriorated since starting school & her teacher has sent letters home quite a few times saying that DD1 has not been listening, or been answering back & being cheeky . I'm sure this bad behaviour is just attention seeking as, before she started school she was a lovely polite, happy little girl.

I know its probably all my fault for maybe 'mothering' her a bit too much & not allowing her to develop her own sense of independence but she was my PFB (I've since had a DD2 (23mo) who is a lot more confident & independent).

Question is now though, how do I undo all the damage I've done? How can I boost my DD1s self confidence so that she isn't constantly seeking reassurance, approval & attention? How can I encourage her to become more independent?

Any advice...?

Title should be *my

Don't do anything. Just love her, if she wants attention give it her. Do the best you can. You can't 'over mother' a child who doesn't want it. You sound a lovely mum.

If its any consolation, my first is very independent. I did loads with him, in an hovering overmotherly way. But his younger sister definitely needs more encouragement and approval than him. She was more clingy as a baby and as long as I go at her pace she's pretty happy. I have since had a third baby who seems to be somewhere between the two.

She will become independent when she is ready. There is no hurry. Go at her pace.

You have not done any damage to your daughter and you have not made her needy! You can't make a child needy by mothering her too much. If she hadn't needed it she would have pushed you away and got on with what she wanted to do just like your DD2 is doing.

The problem is not you. You must keep giving her all the love and attention she needs and pile reassurance on her in bucket loads.

The problem is probably school and how she is coping in that environment. It is a much harsher place for a four year old than nursery and it may take her some time to get used to it.

If you feel that she is becoming very distressed you need to let the teacher know and think about how you can make it a bit easier for her. If the teacher is concerned she needs to do the same.

In the meantime I wouldn't change a things at home as that would just unsettle her further.

Like the previous poster said, she will become more independent when she is ready.