14-years-old daughter sexually active?

[rp234]

a few months ago my 14-year-old daughter declared herself feminist, which at first i though was great at first. Then i learned that she was having sex with her 16-year-old (then 15) boyfriend. i spoke to her about it and she told me she always used protection, that she loved this boy, and she refused to meet societies double standards..patriachary..slags..blah, and that she loved having sex. she seems ready but she is just 14, what should i do??

This is tough.
Make sure she is using protection and attempt to have a chat with her about intimacy so she does not sleep with too many boys and ends up regretting it. You may want to point out that it is all very well to refuse society's double standards, but other people think this way and therefore their view of her as a person may be tainted by too much of a promiscuous behaviour.
it is worrying because often as this age they think they are wiser than they are and it can be quite difficult to knock some sense into them.
Tricky.

the boy seems nice, polite, helpful, good grades. shes not promiscuous as far as i know. The thing that bothers me is that he is overage!!!

You might have to sit them both down and have a talk with them. It's good that she is so open though. I couldn't imagine telling my mum that

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I would want her on the pill as well as using condoms and I think talking to them both may be a good idea. If he really cares for her he will wait till she is older - bit of a tough lesson to learn for her as he prob won't wait. Does she realise he could end up with a record and on the register for sleeping with her? Then be there to pick up the pieces when her 'first love' moves on.

I second the pill or maybe the injection to make sure she is safe.

I also think its great that she can talk to you about it. I was 14 and would never have dreamt of telling my mum.

Make sure they both know the risks and responsibilitys about everything!

What's with all the 'it will go wrong'?

I was in a relationship from ages 12-15, sexually active from age 13. I felt totally in control of the sexual side of it, had great sex and enjoyed it. I was the one who eventually 'moved on' 3 years later.

If she's not being pressured into doing anything she doesn't want to do and is using contraception, there is probably no harm in it. In fact, a positive, confident start to a sex life, no matter at what age, is a great thing to have.

I personally would tell my dd that I think the whole slag thing is a load of bollocks- but at the same time gently point out that no contraception is infallible and that if it does fail she will have to make some pretty grown-up decisions. Also that she is encouraging her boyfriend to break the law and that this could get him into trouble. Make it clear that having practical concerns is not the same as buying into double standards. I had friends who started early and were fine. And others who were less fine.