Feel like I'm being a crap mother

[Janoschi]

Hi all

Just looking for a perspective and maybe some suggestions or advice?

My DD is 11 months. She's social, good with strangers, eats well and is great at travelling and being in new situations.

DP and I run a small business and DD comes into work with us. She has a lot of toys, books etc, plus a toddler swing. We usually let her cruise around the office emptying drawers and ripping paper until she asks for some entertainment. We then read to her, push her in the swing, take her out in the pushchair or on the bike etc for 20-30 mins then it's back to her pottering around on her own and torturing the dog.

She actually has no interest in toys. Never has. She doesn't have a favourite cuddly animal, though she has a few to choose from! She LOVES her swing and the bike seat but really, if we removed everything else she probably wouldn't notice or care.

Is this odd? I see other babies cuddling their bunnies and playing with blocks and my DD ignores both. She crawls but has never rolled. She's disinterested in TV.... Not bothered if I sing to her... She bops to music though if sufficiently bouncy.

Just feel I'm not entertaining her enough but she just isn't interested unless she's crawling or swinging or sucking a cable.

Should I be stimulating her in other ways? Doubtless yes but I'm a bit blank.

Any ideas for office-based things for a child who doesn't really care about toys and rhymes?

And is DD actually okay not caring about all this?

Help me feel a better mother!

Thanks!!

Pottering around is what small children love most. They usually want to do what you do which is why it can get a bit tricky

She sounds absolutely adorable and normal.

Please don't get brainwashed into buying toys just because it seems as though everyone else does.

Young children love to be near their parents and siblings, to pull out pots and anything else they can extract. They love to torture animals and to bounce along to music.

No you don't need to stimulate her. Most children are way over-stimulated these days. Young children have "want something" (eating, nappy-changing etc) times and "want nothing" (exploring) times. You may be interested to read a Magda Gerber book, I think you will find it reassuring.

Neither of my two had favorite soft toys until they were a bit older, even now they are fickle this is at 4 and 2.
I wouldn't expect her to be interested in tv really until at least 2, she won't have the attention span.
Bumbling around sounds like fun, I am sure she is fine. 11 months is still very young.

I have four children only one of them played with toys in the way you ate thinking she should. It's more normal than you realise

Children often prefer "real" objects to play with anyway. DS never played with toys if real things were about.

Ideas for office toys: bunch of keys (not the remote sensor car key if mouthing is likely!!), hole punch, ruler, some chunky pencils and paper, waste paper (they love to scrunch it up!), a space blanket (pick them up fairly cheaply in outdoor shops, hour(s) of fun), sheets of bubble wrap, cardboard box(es), dummy/dead mobile phone, paperweights, large bulldog clips, etc.... Basically anything that she likes that seems safe (ie too large to swallow, not crumbly or that she can bite bits off) . You could make her a heuristic play box ("objets" rather than toys as such) to keep in the office. Pine cones, chains, plugs on chains, interesting and varied things in terms of texture, shape etc.

I bought ds a ton of toys in his first year while I was on mat leave. Complete waste of money as he'd look at them then quickly lose interest. He also didn't have a comforter despite leaving two particular toys in his cot for sleeps for months.

Now he's 2.6, loves going in the garden/park for hours with his ball and spade for digging. I still buy him toys (never learn) but he's stil the same - not fussed for more than a few days now.

You sound like you're doing great! I remember ds at that age. He loved investigating various cupboards etc at that age. The utensil drawer was a particular hit (sharp items removed)!

We all have mini crises of confidence every now and then. Mine are usually set off by seeing other mums in action. Don't worry about toys. Maybe you can set up a few drawers for your LO with things for her to "find" and play with. You can also spend short bursts of time with her watching her play and she can "show" you things and you say "yes, that's a hole puncher" to aid speech development if you want to. But I'm as only now does ds really get on with things off his own steam!

Thank you so much guys.

Just felt very wobbly about things yesterday.

Yes she likes emptying drawers of things. We have an art studio so she's forever pulling open drawers and throwing polystrene eggs, clamps, pencils and coloured string around. She rolls around on bubblewrap, pulls fur out of the dog and I also gave her an old phone but it's not as interesting to her as my iPhone!

I find it hard to think I don't have to stimulate her, though you're all right of course. Just feels bad letting her bumble around, though I guess if she wanted something she'd tell us.

She has blocks, those little jigsaws with the pegs, a shapesorter... I got them because I read some posts here that said that their little 7,8,9 month old DC just loves doing this sort of thing. Also my sister said the same, and watching my baby DN, he really does like playing in this way. Mine has a real aversion to anything that looks even remotely like a toy and just seems mystified by the idea of why anyone would want to stack blocks or push shapes into holes.

If that's fine, then I'll just let her crack on then! Just was worried in case I was supposed to actively sit with her and repeat the stacking thing ad infinitum until she got it. I'd done that a bit but she just crawls off!

Thank you!

The TV thing I mentioned not because I want her to sit staring at the telly all day, just that I thought it was strange that if I turn it on, she barely glances at it then returns to playing with a linked cable tie or something. Even if it's a colourful, bouncy Pocoyo type show and she's sitting on my lap. She doesn't even look.

Watching DN, he doesn't watch much TV but it's the guaranteed way to occupy him if you need 10-20 minutes. DSis puts on CBeebies and he's agog. He's the same age as DD.

In a way I guess it's good but wasn't sure if it was a sign of something a bit untoward, that's all.

Thanks again for the encouraging comments. Feel much better today.

Bumbling around is what babies and toddlers love doing! She'll soon tell you if she needs your company. Don't worry- she's having a lovely time playing with real objects under the watchful eye of both her parents. You are not constantly hovering over her- lucky baby!

I agree with above posters. She sounds perfectly normal and the fact that she is not interested in TV is great at this age....too many are plonked in front of Cbeebies all day (as duchesse says though, not a problem for short time, esp if tired).
Perhaps a few books would interest her now? Mine loved the repetitive soothing tones of the Thomas The Tank Engine books at this age.

We do have a few books, mainly very simple picture books in German and English (we're a bilingual family) - bright pictures of apples, dolls, boots, trains etc with the word printed big underneath. I maybe do things in a silly way by saying to DD, "Look, that's a flower" then going of and getting a big fake flower and comparing the picture with the real object.... probably daft but really, what can you do with a picture book?

She also has a few of those 'That's Not My...' books, which she likes. And one called Five Ugly Monsters, which is the one I like because there's a lot to talk about in the pictures!