please tell me it gets better - dd 3.2 being a horror

[rhetorician]

everything is a battle...she doesn't listen, she cries and whines if things don't go her way and/or she is told off. She is upstairs crying and shouting because I said she couldn't have juice at bedtime (she did once a couple of days ago because she was sick) - it is bloody endless. Spitting, scribbling on things, messing with things she is not supposed to touch, ignores most instructions. It is not that she cannot behave, as I know that she can, and she is a model child at nursery. She is very shy and struggles in social situations, so I assume some of this is releasing the stresses built up in the day. But I really would like her to be better behaved - I am weary of myself nagging, repeating everything 20 times. We don't use time-out, but we do take away treats etc. No point taking away toys as they aren't very important to her. She does also have a baby sister who is now 4 months old, which I am sure isn't helping. Just wanted to vent really.

Did this start before or after her baby sister was born? If after, maybe it's her way of getting your attention. It's a vicious cycle, bad behaviour = attention = more bad behaviour = more attention. Try having one to one time with her when baby's asleep? If this was happening before baby sister arrived, maybe you could sit down and talk to her about it?

My DD1 is 2.5 years old and DD2 is 5 months old. DD1 hasn't had any really bad tantrums yet, but she loves (and gets really excited) when DD2 is napping as she really gets to hug and snuggle with me for a story or dancing or just undivided play time.

before, but at the point at which she was conscious that the baby was coming; the baby doesn't nap much in the day, but I (we are two mums, both of us at home a lot) spend a lot of one-to-one time with her - we go to the swings, we go swimming, we do stuff together. She has now been crying pretty much non-stop for half an hour; I lost my temper with her, she yelled at me 'I am only little', which I guess is her way of telling me that she can't cope

My dd is also 3.2, not too bad at the mo, but very dramatic at times, with all reactions being very extreme. I mostly try to ignore a lot of it as it is obviously attention seeking.
I have just had a stress with her going to bed, but threatened to shut her bedroom door and now asleep.
Also it is prob hard for you right now as you have a baby. So you're energy to deal with her is less, less patience etc.. My ds is 18 months so it can be difficult to make sure they both have time with us.
It will get easier.. But then prob hard again. Well that is my experience... As soon as we say isn't dd being good at mo, she promptly turns into devil child again, aaah the fun!

Aaah... and just give her all our love as much as you can. When she's really awful, give her a cuddle. They are only 3, it's hard for them too.

My god, I sound like a right know-it-all. I'm not, most of the time I'm winging it! Don't have clue!

this is all attention seeking; endless naughtiness of one kind or another - I am at the end of my rope. I know she's only 3, and often I do give her a hug, but she does also need to learn basic rules (not shouting at her sister, coming back when she is called, that dinner is eaten at dinner time, that she can't take food from people's plates) and she seems incapable of learning them - or more correctly, I haven't found an effective way of teaching her. She is very stubborn - e.g. she will cry for an hour over not being allowed to do something very (to me) trivial.

It gets better. This was the absolute low point for my DS. I think we have the same age gap, or at least roughly (DS2 arrived when DS1 was 2.8). From about 2.7 until maybe 3.4ish he was a complete nightmare. I was fully convinced that there was something underlying his dreadful behaviour. He's now almost 3.8 and for the last few months, particularly the last couple, has been a real delight - generally well behaved, good company, more sociable with others (although I suspect he'll always be a bit of an introvert). We can now do things like go on day trips and actually enjoy them, it doesn't feel like a potential minefield and I no longer spend my days waiting for the next toddler meltdown. No real advice - just keep going with the attention, love, special time with each of you. Star charts worked quite well here (or at least gave me a focus / plan).

nearlytherenow - more or less, DD was 2.10 when little sister turned up; she has been fairly good about that, although we are having a difficult phase at the moment - lots of dd1 pretending, to be a baby, some aggression (cunningly disguised as affection), I think because dd2 is starting to emerge as a personality a bit. Also to be fair, we don't get cross with the baby. It works best when I outline what's going to happen, and the parameters, but I can't anticipate everything (e.g. that telling her that juice is not ok). It's bloody exhausting - she was lovely, easy, until about two and 8 months, and I assume she will go back to that. But she is finding the world a pretty complex place and there's lots going on. SHe has never been good with lots of stimulation (as a baby would scream for hours if she got overtired)

Ooh. Really feel for you . But I am sure she will exhibit better behaviour soon. In the meantime, hang in there!

We had exactly the same thing last summer. DD2 was born in June when Ds was 2.11. He became really really difficult for a few months.
Everything was a battle and there was no logic to it. It was ruining all our meals and time together.
It gradually got better and he is absolutely lovely these days. There's hope!

I really think a lot of it must be the arrival of her sister - the attention seeking particularly. She is basically a lovely, kind, funny, affectionate little girl, but has lost one of her parents to this little baby that everyone is always saying is so lovely. But it's hard to build her confidence back up when she behaves so badly - I can't let her away with it. The balance is really hard to get right

My dd is 2.10 and her baby brother was born when she was 2.5. Much of the last few months has been challenging. She gets really cross if she can't do something. She often whines and moans all day. She runs off in shops and won't do as she's told.

BUT it is gradually getting better. I find she had started to be able to control herself a bit better if I explain eg that we can actually fix X, or that though we can't do Y now we can do it later. The first glimmers of someone able to emotionally self regulate are occasionally glimpsed!

It's easy to forget what they are good at in the face of pain in the bum behaviour. Mine is great with her brother (usually) and also I've just realised that her eating has really improved. She had a phase of chucking food everywhere and it's only writing this now I realise she has actually stopped that.

I think time is what's needed for your dd, all you can do is try and be firm loving and consistent until she gets it.