Sensitive 8 year old who won't sleep....at the end of my tether

[Goneshopping]

My 8 year old dd literally has me pulling out my hair. She is extremely sensitive so often gets very upset at the slightest comment from other children at school as she thinks they're being mean to her. She cries going into school, cries if I watch a school assembly (as this makes her want me...think there are separation issues here). She is very shy and sensitive about anything and everything and also very frightened by any change.

At home she is generally happy until bedtime, which is when it all kicks off. She develops a multitude of illnesses, generally a headache and feeling sick and cries, sometimes hysterically. This behaviour can continue until we go to bed at 11pm and sometimes throughout the night. I am concerned how she can cope with a lack of sleep and the disruptive effect this has on her younger brother who she shares a room with. We have tried dealing with her in a number of ways...ignoring it, checking on her every 5-10 minutes, punishing her by taking rewards away, rewarding her with good behaviour, being calm, being cross but nothing seems to make a blind bit of a difference. She says we never believe that she feels ill and in all honesty we don't. I've tried telling her I do believe her and we will get her to the doctors in the morning to which she gets even more upset about. Dh and I never get an evening to relax as we are up and down the stairs all night long. She has a calm bedtime routine with a story and a cuddle. I've tried meditation CDs to try to get her to relax but she says they scare her.

Dd is a kind, thoughtful child but I am really struggling to deal with her and find myself feeling irritated sometimes just looking at her (which I know sounds dreadful). I am a sahm with 2 other children and have none of these issues with them, they are straightforward happy kids. Dd has a loving, secure homelife but just seems unable to cope with life and I just don't know how to help her. Does anyone have any advice? I'm not sure if she needs to see a child pyschologist or a sleep therapist? I worry that if she is struggling at the age of 8 then how on earth is she going to cope at secondary school, teenager, adult. Sorry for the ramble but I just don't know what to do with her and am exhausted!

A little girl I know was very similar to this ,the family definitely accessed counselling at about your daughters age ,and it has helped,she may also have had medication I am not sure.Either way she is still shy etc but is now a successful teen and much more settled

You definitely seem to be outside the bounds of normality and I would consult your GP ,probably initially without your daughter so that you can be completely frank.

I agree with mrswoodentop,have a chat with teh GP, without your DD first, and perhaps ask the schoolt o help.

The GP should refer you tot hings like consellors, sleep clinic/therapy etc,and the school should be able to help too.
Good luck

There is a really good book called "What to do when you dread your bed" for 5 - 10 year olds and another one called "What to do when you worry too much" which really helped with DD1. They get you to do little exercises together, look at where you might be going wrong with bedtime routine, build confidence, be better at talking about things and dealing with worries using logic.

Thank you so much mrswodentop & saltire - its good to hear that I'm not just being a dramatic mother who can't cope and that I should see the GP. This was my gut feeling but I didn't know if the GP would just fob me off. I will have to wait until after the school holidays to go without dd.

Sittingbull - that is just wonderful to get some tips we can try straight away. I'm loving the idea of the iphone voice over story! We do try to offer lots of positive praise but in all honesty I think recently there has been lots of telling her off for being naughty and difficult (which I'm sure exacerbates the situation) so I will definitely try to do that. Tonight I will try going in to see her every 3 mins and tell her there will be no talking. It might actually be less time consuming than the long conversations we have every 10 minutes discussing how unwell she is! Did your doctor refer you to the child pyschologist? What do you do which is very dull? Have you seen much improvement in your ds?

Thank you so much for replying.

Ignore amelia33 her comments will be gone in the morning

Thank you guys. Ordered "what to do when you worry too much" and it arrived today. It looks good - will read it with dd this week.

Sittingbull - we went into dd every 10 minutes last night and she went to sleep happily (after about 50 minutes). No waking up and she was very happy today! Glad to hear you've had big improvements. I wonder if docs here in the UK are as understanding??

Never come across a troll on mn before....not quite sure what Amelia had to add but glad I didn't get to read it!