Behavioural difficulties with my Nearly 4 year old boy....Advice Needed Please.

[KatieW89]

I'm new to this site and found it while I was googling about behavioural problems.
My son is 4 in April and at the moment his behaviour is terrible.
he goes from being such a sweetheart and recently wanting a lot of cuddles and kisses, so much so that i've actually put a bit of distance between us with that as he was constantly kissing me and it began to feel uncomfortable.
To being horrible hitting me kicking me screaming he hates me, saying hes going to kill himself and trying to strangle himself, saying hes going to get run over by a car. I have no idea where he has heard anything like this and I seriously worry about his mental health when he says stuff like that but hes only 4!
He just will not listen to a word I say he has been kicking off all day at his brother and sister as well. he wont eat his dinner and then go and steal food and is chucking it down the toilet along with various other items.
I really am at a loss of what to do.
I have tried the naughty step, he just will not stay on it. Ive tried shutting the door of his bedroom while he calms down but he just smashes it with heavy toys, ive tried taking things away but he doesnt care.
Ive been told i need to smack him when hes really naughty and I have even tried this and i dont like smacking but I find myself resorting to it more and more but even this has no affect on him, people have said you need to smack him harder then and let him know whos in charge but I really can not do that. I hate the idea of hurting him and he just hits me back.
So please if anybody has had any exeperience with stuff like this i would apeciate any advice you have.
xx

ok

he is 4

what age are his siblings?

I shan't give you the lecture on smacking, whoever is telling to smack harder is WRONG

Take the heavy toys from his room, use that for cooling down/time out/whatever you want to call it

Can I ask, why do you feel
Uncomfortable when your child kisses you? You have also put distance between you as a result of this?

Something doesn't sound right to me here.

Can you give us an example if what he is falling out with his brother and sister about? Also, is it two against one?

Was he already upset when he started eating his dinner? If so, that might have put him off eating it.

It sounds like attention seeking. Could you get him more involved with what's going on. Setting the table, spreading his own jam on his toast, feeding the cat, hanging the washing out.

Does he attend nursery? If so, how is his behaviour there or with other people?
My DS just turned 4 a few weeks ago and his behaviour is similar. Infact, yours is the first post I have read that has made me think "At last, someone with the same problems!" The main difference being my DS does not have any siblings. I have considered having him assessed by a health professional because I have really been struggling with his behaviour, especially when he is violent towards me. However, he has no issues at nursery and when other people look after him they all say he is an angel! So I have concluded that he does not have any condition as such causing the problems as he would not be able to turn it on and off. Apparently boys have a testosterone surge at 4, and although I was a bit sceptical, when I read more about it it could account for some of the behaviour.
For now I am trying to be as calm and loving as I can be when he kicks off. It is difficult, but punishment is completely ineffectual and not what is needed, imo.
No real answers for you, but at least you know you are not alone

Tea Junky, Ive put distance between us with all the kisses nothing else. He got to the point where he was leaning his head to the side and trying to kiss more passionatly then a mother son kiss. So ive just been explaining that mummy and son dont kiss like that and he is getting this. Thats not really an issue anymore it was just a bit of background,
Im glad to hear its not just me trippletipple but obvioulsy not for you cos i know how difficult it is.
Im just looking for other ways to discipline really as i dont like smacking as much as the next person but when my son is so out of control it has been used yes. I refuse to be madde to feel like a bad parent for this so no i dont need a lecture.
His step brother and sister are 10-11 and they live with us full time. He gets very annoyed if i cuddle them or sit down and try and spend time with them.
x

My 3.4 yr old sounds very similar, he goes in a pushchair facing the front door when he has been naughty...

He HATES it as he isn't getting the attention (which is why he acts like a little sod, he loves the attention)

He would never stay on the naughty step so he gets strapped into the pushchair instead.

I would give it a go, he cant throw or hit in there so you can totally ignore him for 4 minutes.

It won't last forever!

Katie, I'm not sure if you're meaning that I was lecturing you or trying to make you feel like a bad parent for smacking or disciplining your child. I wasn't. I can assure you I have tried mostly every type of discipline going including smacking but I didn't find it helped DS's behaviour in any way. He hits me back and says "well you hit me". I'd like him to be calmer and kinder, so for now I am trying to lead by example. That's all I was saying.

On no trippletipple that bit wasnt aimed at you was more towards deepthought.
You didnt come accross like that at all :) sorry wires got crossed. xx