Yesterday my DH, DS (2.5) and I all went to a cafe for lunch - DH was about to have a job interview, for complicated logistical reasons it made sense for me to drive him there but I also had to get some work done, so we went to a place with free wifi near the interview location to grab some work time and some food. It was a nice, very toddler friendly place with an area full of childrens toys. We sat on a table very close to this area so we could keep an eye on him - he's of a very independent temprement and is usually happy to play alone or with others very nicely in situations like this.
There were 3 or 4 other kids there under 5 years old. One of the boys in particular was being an utter nightmare, he kept grabbing toys, pushing and shoving the other children. In general I try not to intervene as I normally believe that kids should learn to muddle on together, but there were a couple of occasions when it got worse than I felt I should tollerate, when I felt I had to rescue DS and remind all the children that the toys were for everyone to share and everyone could have a turn. On the second such occasion this nightmare child (who couldn't have been much more than 3, and was still at the not-really-pronouncing-words-correctly-but-mainly-doing-sentences stage of talking) told me that I was a pillock and DS was a pillock. At this time there didn't seem to be any adult present taking responsibility for this child, though later (when he climbed on the roof of the play house) a man who had been sitting at the far end of the cafe, out of sight of the play area and with his back to it, using a laptop, came over and told him not to do that (then went back to his seat).
After the 'pillock' outburst I didn't intervene directly again, but when DS came running to me in tears saying that the other little boy had pushed him/taken away the (item)/etc I was doing nothing more than cuddle him and agree that this was very naughty of the other little boy and he should not have done that, then finding DS a different item to play with that no-one else was using.
I didn't feel I should confront this man - my gut feeling is that if he takes that attitude to supervising this child, he would probably be just as unpleasant himself and would not respond well to a random woman challenging him in a cafe.
We are fairly unlikely to ever meet this particular nightmare child again, but it has got me thinking about how I should mentally prepare myself for occasions in the future when DS has to deal with violent and horrible contemporaries - I don't know how to balance protecting him with helping him learn how to look after himself (preferably without becoming violent and horrible himself). Should I have intervened more or less?
Anyone else have related anecdotes to share or advice to give? Would you have done differently? If your own DC has been known to be less good at sharing and playing nicely, have you any advice about how mums of other kids in their vicinity can act to help things be more friendly? I feel this is specific to situations where you are among strangers e.g. at public parks or tourist attractions, as I think in more community-based situations such as schools etc there would be structures and processes in place, and I'd feel less powerless.