Anybody had major eating probs with their one year old? I'm desperate..

[bakeacake]

I would really appreciate anyone's help with this one. I am trying hard to be chilled at mealtimes but still don't if I'm taking the right tack with DS or not...

He is 13 months and hasn't eaten a single meal for 2 weeks now. The best he has done in that time is 5 spoons of main course and a 100g yoghurt. Most meals are 2 tiny spoons worth. He has finished a course of AB's for a thraot and ear infection but is still not eating. He showed no other symptoms of being ill apart from the not eating.

I guess I'm starting to think this is a behaviour thing... Is that possible in a child so young? I say that because he is still happy to eat breadsticks and chases after us if we have a banana or apple. He will still only have a couple of bites I hasten to add. He is defo hungry as he then drinks lots of milk after a refused meal. I have tried giving him no milk in the day- makes no difference...he just refuses his meals and then needs huge volumes of milk to settle at night- 13oz!

Just wondered if anyone has experienced anything similar? Please!

I recall reading that this is quite normal, and is developmental rather than illness. The idea is that the child is trying to exert control over the world. Food is a big thing, and it's his first real contest of wills. He may complain about the indiginites of nappy changing, or the absence of a person or toy, but food is about the first thing of any importance where his cooperation is necessary.

Both 2.0 and 2.1 certainly fitted that model.

DC- It's reassuring if this is 'normal', though I certainly don't know of any child who has done hunger strikes to this extent at this age. What did you do when yours didn't eat for long periods? Fill them up on milk or starve them til they ate?! This is the question I keep battling with! I would not look forward to the 1st night under the latter plan but would give it a go if it had worked for someone else.

Ours always drink milk, so we never really fretted that they lacked basic nutrition. Two weeks is longer than ours fought these battles.

I'm not a doctor, but the focus upon small amounts sounds to me like some sort of constipation, and I'd want a doctor to check there wasn't some sort of bowel obstruction.
Our kids really love dried fruit, and given the chance will gorge on prunes and dates to excess. I'd be tempted to allow your DS to consume a couple.

We've used a variety of techniques, and I guess there's a good chance that DS has developed enough to try reverse psychology. Take the food away and eat it yourself, waving it around a lot as you do.

We're evolved not to like someone taking our food away, and it's worked a useful number of times with ours.
Also the same food from an adult's plate is often far more attractive.
We've also tried to avoid fighting battles we can't win. Rather than spend an hour trying to get food in, simply give up. There is a danger that the refusal could become a habit, and "arguing" over you could be a reinforcement. Make it less of an issue.

Also at 1, he will want to make choices, even if they are essentially random. Might be worth producing plates of little things, bread, cheese, broccoli etc. And play "choosing".

Hi DS is 15 months and meal times can run from being hugely successful to complete stress out moments - but at the moment things are going ok- because if he doesn't eat I get him down and say never mind don't eat if you're not hungry - I don't make it an issue, although I am wanting to shout and say you must eat this or try for an hour I see that it is getting us both no where and I don;t want him to think he has the upper hand in this!!

I have stopped giving him food between meals if he doesn't eat because if he was hungry he would eat what I give him at mealtimes whilst sitting in his high chair and by no means does he get milk if he doesn't eat because that way he would just drink milk and have no need to start eating any food.

The only reason I am quite so strict about this is that if he doesn't eat he doesn't sleep and I am way past being able to exist on a few hours of sleep a night!! One thing though - DS can go for 4 days with no real meals but this is mainly when teething and the symptoms aren't always apparent - just his teeth moving ins'de his gums could put him off having anything in his mouth!!

One thing my health visitor always says is that no child in the western world who was periodically offered food has ever starved themselves at that age!

Thanks DC, I agree the battles are futile. Bribing him with toys and the like is obviously not working for us.

Thanks to you too Twinkle, I understand all the logic but carrying it out with a slightly underweight baby is another thing when emotions come into play and all that. I am fine with getting DS down from his highchair if he refuses a meal and have done this for 3-4 days many times. However 2 weeks is quite hard

No way he is constipated, never has been.

Today the dr said no sign of infection and his weight is even up a couple oz. So time to get tough and, like you say twinkle, no extra milk. He screamed for 10 mins tonight and it might be a tough night but we shall see if he's worked it out by tomorrow. Not hopeful for breakfast but maybe lunch!

Hi Bakeacake
Good to see he has gained a bit despite everything. What time does he get up and what time does he normally have breakfast, lunch etc? Also what does he have to drink between meals? Is he any more partial to fruit than other things? e.g. how about berries, kiwi etc. It seems like you have tried everything but what about forgetting about the spoon fed proper meal and offering say bread & fruit at a meal or would that get slung on the floor too?
Would he entertain things like toast fingers with houmous for example or does he have any interest in dipping things yet? Also has he recently started walking for instance. Sorry for all the questions{smile} but am trying to think of all angles!

Thanks Nym
No worries about questions, will try to answer... Up at 7.30 for his bit of milk, then b'fast at 8.30, lunch at 12, tea at 5. Only ever water between meals though he does get snacks if he has eaten well. He would enjoy all the foods you mention (loves humous) but at the moment it's a case of one bite and then, no thanks Mum, I'll hold out for my milk (my theory anyway) . He's not walking yet and no other big milestones at the mo. He is extremely strong willed and I just hope the new plan works!

One other thing we've used to try and manage appetite is to dilute the milk with water. Afternoon milk is typically 50% which seems to help make them the right level of hungry.

DC- maybe I'll try diluting when/if he starts eating again. Afternoon milk was stopped months ago though for the reason you say. Today he is having 3oz in the morning and 9oz tonight. B'fast has been refused btw!

Hi Bakeacake
He must be one hungry monkey now! Have you looked through the mumsnet tips on feeding? I remember occasions when DD completely refused everything offered to her at the table and then ate 3 slices of bread and butter because she was given it whilst running around so she was obviously hungry, they can be so frustrating! We stopped her morning milk a few months ago because although she would only take 100ml at 7am, she would hardly eat any breakfast at 9am. she has 260ml at 11:30 before her nap and the same at 8pm for bedtime. I do find that if she takes a short/late nap she is not very interested in lunch because of the big bottle she has had. Dinner (around 5:30/6) is normally her best meal, so we don't tend to go to much effort with lunch - we stick to things like scrambled egg on toast, jacket potato (completely refuses it mashed) but will eat plain jacket). Also around your DS's age she seemed to completely reject some foods she really liked previously, butternut squash, sweet potato etc - basically anything mashed or baby foodish. She previously would eat HIPP Veg Lasagne cold anytime it was offered but then suddenly refused it completely after eating it consistently for 6 months (it was always a great standby if we were out and about). She wouldn't go pasta at all until we tried spagetti and now she will eat most types and with rice, she likes the frozen ones with peas and mushrooms in. I think they are a bit too salty but ok now and again. Good luck with the milk restriction - some times it takes a day or so for the penny to drop with them. I've also read that until a certain age they are programmed to always eat whats offered for survival. Then at some point they realise that they get fed several times per day so if they refuse a meal another will be along shortly! This often coincides with increased mobility as there are better things to do than eat (like pull the cat's tail in our house!)

Well, not sure what to say really. DS is still not eating more than 6 mouthfuls of lunch (that is rare- it's normally 3 or 4). He will eat a whole yoghurt at lunchtime but will only eat about half if I give a second one at tea. Since Tues he's only been having 3oz of milk in the morning and 9oz at night.

This approach isn't working- he won't be broken

Can't think straight anymore. DS is still sleeping through and waking only slightly earlier. He looks thinner in the face already. Only thing I can think is to give him double his milk in the morning (6oz) as breakfast is always refused anyway, and then offer millions of snacks throughout the day........... Why is he so extreme?!

Bakeacake....your ds sounds just like mine. He is 2yrs6 mths and stopped eating at 1 year old. Before that, he was a good eater....I blamed myself for ages thinking that perhaps I had force fed him when he was little and it had put him off. I now realise that he is just not interested at all in food. He loves his milk though and will eat yoghurts/fromage frais plus the odd nibble of bread & butter as well but that's about it. I was out of my mind with worry for a whole year although now I have a new baby to deal with so can't devote all my time to worying about my first one son not eating. He hasn't put weight on for almost a year although he looks healthy enough and is taller. I have also tried to cut down his milk but it's not made any difference at all - he still won't eat. I'm slowly coming around to the idea that he will only eat when he is good and ready and I must be patient. I only hope that my younger ds will be a good eater (so far so good) and it will rub off on his older brother. It is so hard trying to come up with things that he may like. I really hope things work out for you - I think most children seem to come around in the end (even hoping mine will).

wools- our DS' do sound VERY alike! I've now accepted this ain't a short term thing! Like you, I've blamed myself and wondered whether I've force fed in the past. I don't think I have- even though I've let DS play with toys in the past when he's got bored eating, I always got him down when he clamped his mouth shut and swiped the toys onto the floor!

Same here- cutting out the milk is just not working. Wonder if you can remember how much milk your DS had in a day at my DS' age? Also, did you keep him on formula or was he fully on cows milk by the time he stopped eating well? I am reluctant to switch to formula as my HV friend (not MY actual HV) has said it's sometimes recommended that poor eaters stay on formula.

I hope your DS gives you much less worry with the feeding game. If he's started off well, that's a great sign. My DS has always had on and off niggles with feeding from the start!

reluctant to switch to cows milk

bakeacake, I had ds on 1/2 toddler's formula and 1/2 cow's milk from around 13 to 20 months or so. It just seemed like a good idea since he is such a fussy eater although now at 2.6 he is finally getting a bit better. He still drinks a lot of milk and I really don't think I should limit him from having it if he asks for it. Some days he drinks lots of milk and eats more than I would have thought he could hold. Other days, mostly milk. But, he is gaining weight nicely and very healthy.

my son who will be 2 next month has been going through this same thing, he eats loads at breakfast but then the rest of the day he won't bother and he won't have milk unless its a milkshake or youghurt, i try not to let him have to much rubbish food [crips, bis,] its hard my older son will eat for england i'm hopeing that he will just out grow it

jabberwocky- your post was very reassuring . I just don't feel comfortable with limiting my DS' milk- it's not as if it makes him eat any more! He's going to lose loads of weight if I keep up this strictness!!

Good idea with the milks. Glad your DS is a bit better now. Gives me hope!

haven't had time to read the other posts, so apologies if I'm repeating

my dd was a dreadful eater for years. I was lucky to get 4oz of milk, a couple of spoons of mush or whatever into her per meal. Whereas a friend's ds would devour 1 huge jar of something + desert in the same timeframe.

Rule of thumb... if your ds is active and alert he is getting enough from what he's eating.

If he's still recovering from illness he probably won't have a big appetite anyway. As for wanting lots of milk before bedtime... try diluting it or just reducing the amount by 1 oz per night... or try and bring the milk feed forward a bit as well as reducing the amount?

Hope it works out

One of the things that makes me feel better through all of the eating issues with ds is a story my brother (a physician) told me. It seems one of his patients, who was around 2 I believe, decided he would only eat potato chips. his mother was in quite a state over it. My brother just said, OK let him eat potato chips for a while. 6 months later he started eating other foods. He stayed completely healthy the whole time! I shudder to think of having to go through that one
Another thing I did with ds, he really liked chili cheese fritos (blame his father for letting him try those) so I would take a chip and break it into 3 pieces. He could have a piece after he took a bite of something on his plate. It was maddening, but he would wind up eating his dinner and only go through a few chips when it was all over with. LOL! Glad that phase wasn't long. But it did go on for several weeks.

Bless their little hearts, they do make life interesting

my neice always threw up after eating. she kept on until she was 4. docs said she had bullemia! can you believe it, a 4 year old with bullemia? then thay admitted they didnt know what was wrong! thank heavens she has recovered by herself now and eats fine, although she doesnt eat much. she eats enough to get by.

I'm sorry i have only scanned a this thread quickly.

But i just wanted to say, 3 or 4 mouthfuls isn't that small a meal for a one year old, just envisage that amount of food in their tiny little tummy's.

Also - i totally agree with jabberwocky's brothers suggestion. I worked in nurseries for 10 years pre-dd and saw many a child who 'would not eat' and parents worried sicking trying every bribe in the book.
The moment that child came into my care, and i only offered their meals (no alternatives if they didn't eat) they eventually started eating.
I think the important factors here are that they have a relaxing mealtime, that they sit with the rest of the family to eat, and that they are allowed to play with the food. Forget cutlery for a while and let your child play and smear food over his face if thats what he fancies!

I had one child whose mother insisted we gave him bread and butter with every meal because that was all he ate - true every meal he filled up with bread and butter for at least a year. Then one evening he decided to dip his finger in the curry that his parents were eating and hey presto! from that day on he happily tried a bit of everything. True story.

I know you say you have concerns about your sons weight, but for this reason you must stay particularly relaxed, and not let any of your food issues become your sons. At mealtimes, eat the same as your son, put his in front of him, and sit next to him and eat yours, chatting about the day (not about the meal). Keep it up, and your son will see eventually that mealtimes are enjoyable and so is food.

LOL Jabberwocky- I was going to ask you if you'd done the one bite of dinner, one bite of favourite food thing! My DS just wouldn't get that atm. When do they get that level of understanding?!

Hattie- reassuring stories. At my most desperate I've considered putting DS into nursery to see if it would make a difference to his eating!! Appreciate what you're saying with only offering the meals etc. but to me that puts more pressure on at the mealtime. Worried mother = non-eating son!! I've been more relaxed today upping his milk slightly and offering healthy snacks as well.

I looked back on the food diary I've done this week. DS has eaten a very similar amount of lunch each day regardless of how much milk he has in the morning...so more milk he shall have!

nonyummymummy i ws really glad to see your reply to bakeacake on 5/2 as my dd who is 15 half months sounds exactly like your dd! she too ate ok until about a year but soon after that it all stopped! she has to ahve a spoon too if we are eating and occasionally she will get the odd mouthful in. for a while she lived on petit filous(spelling?) and bananas along with the breast milk. she would eat dry special k in the morning if i get it to her b4 her milk! she would nibble away on an apple or raisins and i must admit i have given the odd pkt of buttons (am i alone here???!) she seems to get one cold after another which puts her off food altogether so ends up getting more breast milk which then is a vicious circle as i am trying soooo hard to get her off at night! (whole other story)Eva loves garlic too and so like you we try for a few days on the finger food that she will eat a bit of again then try some 'real' food again and so on and on! i think i have come to terms now that she does not need to eat and eat that she muct be getting enough as she is certainly growing well! I hope bakeacake this helps you a bit too knowing there are others like you out here too! hope i havnt rambled on too much.

Let's see, I think ds was about 18 - 20 months when we did the frito thing, so yes, you're right, your ds wouldn't really get it.

Oh, the other thing we would do is play his favorite CD when he ate. There's a cute CD called Sea Tunes and it has a song that goes "I like to eat shrimp 3 at a time, 3 little shrimp at a time" etc. So we would sing along and change the words to whatever we were eating. I would also make up food type songs to familiar tunes. One of my friends said I was the one woman comedy hour trying to get ds to eat but at least we did a lot of bonding, lol.

I think the most important - and the toughest thing - is not to let them see your level of frustration. When I would get frustrated, then I would get dh to take over feeding for a while.