DS1 (4.5yrs) started school in September. He was put in the same class as a boy he had become good friends with at playgroup, and the first term all was well. After Christmas, there was a new member of the class, who teamed up with DS1 and his friend. Initially they played really well as trio, but lately problems have started developing.
DS1 has a tendency to try and dominate the play e.g. if we are playing a game at home and I make a suggestion as to how the story might develop, he will not accept this into "his" story. My suspicion is that this is also what happens at school. The other two friends in his group have now obviously become fed up of not being allowed to contribute to games etc and have started playing on their own, and telling DS1 that they don't want him to join in with their game. When DS1 keeps trying to join in, one of the friends has taken to physically pushing DS1 away, and a couple of times last week DS1 came home with scratches on his face from the friends.
Both DH and I have sat down with DS1 on a couple of occasions, and talked to him about the importance of respecting other people's views, letting other people contribute to games, and also that he cannot force himself on to other children if they don't want him to play. I have also been in to speak to the class teacher, just to check that DS1 had other children to play with, and we have actively encouraged DS1 to play with other children in the class.
I thought we had got this under control. However, when I dropped DS1 off at school today, I found out from the mum of one of the friends that yesterday, DS1 had been playing a game with one of the friends, when she decided she didn't want to play with DS1 anymore and moved away from him. DS1 grabbed her by the arm and tried to stop her from leaving, saying that she was "his friend and no-one else's". The friend wasn't happy with this, obviously.
I did not have a happy time with friends at school myself, and I feel like a lot of my worry about this is because I remember being incredibly lonely at school. I just want DS1 to get himself a good group of friends, and more importantly, understand how that group dynamic works, how to share ideas, and let other people contribute to the group rather than having to lead and dominate all the time.
Does anyone have any tips on how I can help DS1 understand that he must respect other people's views, and the importance of letting other people have control sometimes?
I should add that the class teacher and my DH have no concerns about DS1's development, and academically he is at the top end of the year group, so well able to understand explanations, consequences, etc.
Thanks in advance for any ideas/experiences!