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Original poster

what help for the overly negative child?

9 replies

thisisyesterday · 29/03/2012 20:10

Have posted this in special needs too, but thought I'd open it up to a wider audience.
ds1 has high functioning autism

ds1 is really wearing me down right now.
he is just SO negative about everything. I just think it must be so miserable for him if he genuinely feels this way

he hates school- it's boring
he hates his brothers
no-one likes him
his new toothbrush is rubbish
his easter hat he made was rubbish and won't win a prize
i never let him do anything

the list is, quite literally, endless. we cannot do anything with him or for him without him finding something wrong with it and complaining about it.
he spends his entire life being miserable because whatever thing he is doing right then is just bad and wrong and rubbish and he hates it all

he doesn't like his dinner, his DS isn't good enough, the hoover is too loud, he can't play outside because his leg hurts, he hates his room because he no longer likes space...

I just feel so down myself after dealing with him.
what can I do to help him? why can't he see the good things sometimes instead of always seeking out the bad???

OP posts:
gaunyerseljeannie · 29/03/2012 20:13

Aw, it is so wearing for you, we can hear that.Sad
How old is he?

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 29/03/2012 20:14

he has just turned 7

OP posts:
ShowMethePony · 29/03/2012 20:17

Wow, this does sound tough to be around. How old is he? Tbh it reminds me of how I felt when I was depressed (pnd), everything was dark I had no hope/joy in anything.

Is there anything he likes or enjoys?

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 29/03/2012 20:22

the only thing he wants to do is play on the DS or the Wii

actually he does often "accidentally" enjoy things while he is doing them, once we've gone through the battle of getting him to go out of the house.
things like play parks and going swimming and stuff like that he really likes but he struggles with transitions so it's very difficult to get him to come out and do anything. not that we let that stop us, it's important for him to do different things but the battle makes it ever so tiring!
So he'll enjoy things once he is doing them. but when they stop he';ll make sure to find something he didn't like about it!

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 29/03/2012 20:22

Have you sent his book? The Unwritten Rules of Friendship definitely worth a look, it has a chapter called The Pessimistic Child which deals with this kind of negativity.

I actually bought this book to help my DH who has asperger's, there's a lot of stuff in there that is helpful for children and adults who struggle with social interaction, - we found it quite helpful.

KurriKurri · 29/03/2012 20:22

seen not sent - sorry Smile

gaunyerseljeannie · 29/03/2012 20:27

Worst age and stage we went though was 7/8 as the social stuff gets really stressful for them I think and then things get on top of them very easily.
I used really clear and quite strict behavioural techniques at that age. Used very logically and unemotionally, they worked for my DS2 who is high functioning too. he saw the logic and worked to be less negative so he could get his favourite things.
Could you write a list of good things he likes to do? Then he can earn them with good behaviour and positive attitude.
Make sure you build in a venting time where he can be really negative about the days happenings. Also meet his hopelessness with a listening ear but a happy heart, and show him how to move on even though its hard. For example "aw thats a shame you didn't like your bonnet, I thought it was fab... now would you like apple or orange juice today?"
It gets easier honest.
have you got a support group in your area? Go even if you are not a group person.. it saved my sanity.
Best of Luck xxx

Original poster
thisisyesterday · 29/03/2012 20:35

kurri, no i haven't seen that book, will order it though and have a read! it sounds like it could be helpful

gaunyerseljeannie- listening ear and a happy heart... that's good! i think i sometimes get too emotional about it myself and it makes me cross when he appears ungrateful about days out and things like that, but I need to just acknowledge and move on
we do have a local support group yes, although most of the people who attend seem to have children with more severe forms of autism and thus different sets of problems, but i do also meet up with a couple of friends who also have children with HFA/aspergers which helps a lot just in terms of venting to someone!

will think about logical behavioural techniques. logical is good for ds1!

i think maybe i expect too much from him as well sometimes. he is my eldest and i am not sure how much of his behaviour is normal 7yr old stuff

OP posts:
gaunyerseljeannie · 29/03/2012 20:59

Yes, I know what you mean, I was always glad that I had an older boy.... easier to figure out what was "normal" and what wasn't... well sort of Grin.
My group was mixed and at first it was a bit sort of ... mine isn't as bad as that, I don't feel I can moan.... but actually, it was the other mums who said that they thought at times it was harder for my DS and for me as he seemed so "able" and therefore people cut us less slack as it were. Their kids got more understandingat times because their autism was more obvious to the general population. It is also really hard with HFA to remind yourelf that they really don't grasp things.
Don't be too hard on yourself, you have got your hands full with 3 so little as well and it sounds like you are doing a grand job
xx

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